Building Bridges
by lawslave
Summary: An unexpected gift allows Joe the ability to unite the little brother he never got a chance to know and the older brother he knew all too well. Sequel to 'Search and You Will Find'
1. Chapter 1

_Hi everyone! I'm very excited to be back with the sequel to_ Search and You Will Find. _I had the idea worked out in my head almost as soon as that story was done but it took a long time to get it done just right. There are still a few parts to finish, but I have enough to begin posting._

 _When we last left off, everyone was adjusting to having Jamie back again, but that initial honeymoon stage comes to an end as they all settle back into real life. But it can't all be gum drops and lollipops - as Danny likes to say - when Jamie comes face to face with some of the more difficult changes to his life and realizes how they'll actually affect his future. And how about the butting-of-heads we saw between the brothers in seasons 1_ _and 2? We all know Danny wanted to make his rookie brother bullet-proof, so it would be safe to assume that he'd want to do the same for his newly-discovered little brother. Danny becomes even more determined to keep him safe and make him a tougher cop...just like him._

 _There are a lot of people and scenarios from seasons 1, 2 and 3 mixed into this story, all molded to fit the way I want them to. And I am realizing now how far off I was on the Reagan kids' ages, especially Joe and Jamie, based off of the dedication at John Jay college...oops! But hey, this story can't be considered canon anyway, can it? So I've gone ahead and also tweaked a few dates here and there for the sake of this story. :)_

 _Very special thanks to werks, LLL and BlueBlood82 for all of the advice and support! It means the world to me!_

 _Read, enjoy (hopefully) and review!_

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Chapter 1

 _Dedicated to the_

 _Memory of_

 _NYPD Detective_

 _Joseph Conor Reagan_

 _Class of 2002_

 _The City University_

 _of New York_

 _John Jay College of Criminal Justice_

Jamie stood in front of the large polished granite slant marker and stared at the bronze plaque mounted to its face, remembering exactly when this atrium at John Jay College was dedicated to his older brother Joe - before he even knew of his own true identity. That event wouldn't have been a blip on his radar as a rookie beat cop just trying to get through a tour with a tough and gruff training officer but for the fact that his ultimate boss, the Police Commissioner of the New York City Police Department had been shot in an assassination attempt days before the scheduled dedication ceremony...it was crazy to think of how much more he could have lost that day without even knowing it.

Jamie remembered working some long tours over the course of the week that followed the attempt on the commissioner's life. At the time, Jamie had simply admired Frank Reagan for the leader he was and it had given him a strong urge to help catch the bastard or bastards that had tried taking his boss' life. Ever the practical one though, Renzulli had quickly reminded him that he'd been on the job a lot longer than Jamie had, yet there he was rolling with him on the same beat and the same tour... _how do you think I feel?_ he'd asked. He'd then gone on to advise him that the unit protecting the commissioner had been fully deployed, comprised of the best of the best with no need for a rookie beat cop and his seasoned TO. Renzulli taught him a lesson that day: being out on the street, it's a chance to be at the right place at the right time. There's a lot of work for them to do out there even if it wasn't protecting the top brass or working the high-profile cases and their job was just as important.

And now Jamie found himself here, gazing at a bronze cast of his brother's face which made him smirk...in his opinion, it only slightly resembled the photos he'd seen of Joe, but it was something special to see his face and his name forever memorialized somewhere other than a cemetery. John Jay College was full of life, energy and hope for a bright future. There was a chance here for someone else to learn Joe's name and wonder at the great things he must have done to deserve such an honor.

Jamie stepped to the left of the stone marker, his hand grazing the cool granite as he leaned against the glass and metal railing separating the escalators on either side of him. He looked out over the atrium below and to the dimmed stage at the end of the large hall. It was abuzz with students, faculty and visitors cutting through the large open space, moving from one building to another on their way to classes, meetings and study dates. Glancing at the empty podium, Jamie recalled a photo Linda had on display at her house, one she took of his father up on that very stage with a small square of gauze peeking out over his collar and matching the crisp white of his uniform shirt, a small reminder of the ordeal he'd experienced earlier that week. He wondered what the ceremony must have been like that day, what emotions filled the room and what words his father must have spoken to honor his middle son.

So much had changed since then. He was now a full-blown member of the Reagan family and the plaque gracing the atrium was another reminder of his family's prominence in law enforcement and the community in general. As it was, there was a lot of responsibility placed on his shoulders as a police officer alone, but one with the Reagan name? Well, no one understood it more than he did now. He would be held to a higher standard than most, although he didn't mind that so much yet. Jamie loved his job, loved his department and the people it served and always treated both with the utmost respect. Unfortunately for Jamie, there were many more eyes on him than Danny, Erin and Joe ever had on them combined... _you're the jackpot winner_ , his dad had once told him, because he'd been unexpectedly discovered right under his father's own nose after having been kidnapped just a few feet from his mother and siblings 25 years before. Nothing about the extra attention he'd received after he went from being James Riordan to Jameson Reagan was good in his opinion. He would have preferred to deal with it privately but that wasn't possible; all he could do was grin and bear it. He had a whole new life he was still trying to adjust to now, but it was the adjustments he was having trouble with.

Jamie had been weary of the Reagans in the beginning, but he couldn't deny the fact that they'd welcomed him with open arms. He'd suddenly found himself a member of a large family when all he had ever known was an absent 'mother' with more important things to consider than her supposed son. If asked, he could admit that he'd basked in the attention from the family a little bit at first, even while sometimes finding it overwhelming. But that had changed in the past few months, especially after the warm and fuzzies of their first holiday season together had passed and everyone had returned to the hustle and bustle of the new year. If Jamie had to pinpoint it, he would venture to guess that it all started after another recent minor tussle between the Reverend Darnell Potter and his father...

 _After the day's events and another public disagreement between the NYPD and the troublesome Reverend Potter, Frank was settled in his favorite easy chair with a glass a scotch surrounded by those he loved most in this world. He'd come home to find Jamie visiting with Henry in the kitchen and they were soon joined by Erin and Danny. The elder Reagan children, very familiar with the tumultuous relationship between the white police commissioner and the rebel-rousing reverend, had stopped by to check in on their old man._

 _"I wish someone would just put Potter in his place once and for all," Henry grumbled with a sympathetic glance at his weary son._

 _"Don't look at me, pop. I don't want the job," Frank proclaimed, yet somehow it always seemed to land at his feet. The reverend was always gunning for him and even though Frank stood his ground, it was getting to be more exhausting with each new round._

 _Erin smiled sympathetically at her father. "It shouldn't have to be your job. The mayor needs to step up and speak up for what's right."_

 _"You know he won't do that," Danny said as he sat back on the couch and placed his feet on the coffee table while nursing his own drink. "He's got his phoney political persona to protect. If I had worked that case at his church, I would have made sure to give him a piece of my mind back then...nip this thing in the bud!" The case had been assigned to another set of detectives from major crimes while he and Jackie had been working a sting on subway fare-beaters. He'd been fuming the whole time the incident played-out and itching to get his hands around Potter's neck as he tried painting the NYPD as a bunch of racists looking to infringe on his church's civil liberties. Unfortunately for Danny, his father had forbidden him from going near the investigation while Frank also did his best to remain at arm's length, although the mayor had reeled him in several times for face-to-face peace talks which went nowhere fast._

 _"Sure you can spare any?" Erin snickered._

 _"Hardy, har har," Danny mocked._

 _"What are we talking about?" Jamie asked as he made his way in from the kitchen with a fresh beer._

 _"The mayor and Reverend Potter," Frank advised._

 _"Oh, him," Jamie replied with a look of distaste. "Still got headaches from that guy."_

 _Erin turned in her seat to face her younger brother with a look of confusion on her face. "What do you mean you got headaches?"_

 _Jamie took a quick swig from his bottle before checking that they were all on the same page. "You're talking about the reverend from the_ _Disciples of Isaiah Church, right?"_

 _"That's the one," Danny said curiously._

 _It hit Frank before Jamie could explain any further...how did he not put it all together before today? "You were with Renzulli that day, when my officers were pushed down the stairs," he stated with a look of shock._

 _"Yeah, I was one of 'em," Jamie nodded with a subconscious rub of his forehead, "I'll never forget it."_

 _"Wait a minute," Danny ordered as he caught on to the connection between Jamie and Reverend Potter. "You got tossed down the stairs with Renzulli?!"_

 _"Yeah, but the sarge took the brunt of it," Jamie assured them. Although looking back, he'd still been in a world of hurt after the trip down the stairs, in addition to the small gash on his forehead, he'd amassed a series of wicked bruises up and down his body. Jamie still wondered how he got away so easy._

 _"How did I not make that connection until now?" Frank asked himself aloud. There had been no mention of the job-related injury in Jamie's file when he had Garrett pull it for him; obviously his HR department was slacking in their_ _duties. But what shocked him the most was how close he'd been to Jamie that day, he was right under his nose as he recalled that his other officer involved in the altercation, who had reportedly only sustained minor injuries, had remained on the scene to identify the perpetrators as the church members who had barricaded themselves inside the old theater were marched out all the while Frank sat across the street, behind the dark tinted windows of his SUV._

 _"'Cause the name James Riordan didn't mean a thing to you at that time. And I was fine, got out of it with some bumps and bruises," Jamie said after seeing the shock on all four of their faces. "Renzulli was the one that ended up in the hospital while I got sent home after the perp walk."_

 _And as Jamie was quickly learning, Danny was always the first one to over-react. "Jesus, Jamie! You could have really gotten hurt!"_

 _"No kidding, detective," Jamie snorted with an eye roll._

 _"It's not funny!" Erin argued at Jamie's flippant remark. He'd already been shot and thrown down a flight of stairs on the job. At this rate, she feared that they were going to lose him again for good, just like they lost Joe._

 _"Didn't say it was," Jamie retorted and pointed at the faint mark on his forehead. "And I have this scar to prove it."_

After that day, Danny seemed to be on some kind of mission to teach him everything he knew about being a cop...his way, which meant trips to the gym for hand to hand combat that often times got a little rougher than necessary and pop quizzes on how to handle situations he might experience on the job. And wouldn't you know it that Jamie was usually wrong when he answered his questions. He was starting to get a complex from the fact that his own brother seemed to think he needed to be toughened up. Even Erin had resorted to checking up on him more often and he sometimes found himself on the receiving end of her sad doe-eyes when they parted ways. Jamie was at a loss on what to do with them as he debated if he should even bother to complain, they'd just do what they wanted anyway...that seemed to be their way.

And that was just the family drama that was weighing on him as Jamie thought about how his plans for the future were beginning to circle the drain. His dream had always been to make detective some day, but as his father had warned him, with the Reagan name there would be many too afraid to put him up for promotion for fear of how it would look to the PC. He wasn't even thinking about anyone throwing his name into the ring for promotion at this point, but it had been clear to Jamie after the news of his true parentage broke that no one was interested in touching him while many other officers from his own academy class began to align themselves with their own rabbis who would mentor them towards a gold shield, most notably that slime bag Mike Hoffman who'd taken note of his predicament, probably from his uncle who now bore the title of deputy commissioner...nothing was worse than hearing that bastard brag that he'd probably make detective within a year or two. That was really starting to become bitter pill for Jamie to swallow.

Which is why Jamie looked down at the booklet that had brought him to John Jay College in the first place. Jamie had no desire to leave the police department, but his disappointment had turned into a restlessness he was all too familiar with. It meant he needed to figure something else out, a back-up plan of sorts, as he searched for something else to challenge him. Growing up, he would immerse himself in school and sports, it was a distraction from the unpleasantries of his everyday life and with what he was dealing with now, he sought a familiar distraction. "Masters in Forensic Health Counseling," Jamie read to himself. It was a degree he hoped that he could apply to his own job, but it also delved deep into the world of social services. If he hadn't become a police officer, he could see himself as some sort of counselor or social worker...it wasn't glamorous and didn't pay a whole lot but considering how he grew up and what he saw in the agencies Sherry dragged him to when she needed assistance, he wondered what it really took to do those jobs well. Maybe if someone with the proper training and who really gave a damn could have seen through her BS, then maybe he would have found his way home a lot sooner than last year...or maybe not. The 'what ifs' often invaded his thoughts no matter how many times he reminded himself that no one could change the past.

But more than anything, Jamie hoped that he could use the knowledge on the job and despite what Danny said, it was important to have some understanding of human behavior considering some of the people they come in contact with. Jamie scanned the course outline knowing it would be an undertaking with a full-time job, but lots of people did it everyday, most with lots more to juggle than him. Jamie quickly made a decision before any doubts could creep into his brain, stepping back around Joe's memorial plaque, he ran his fingers across his brother's name as he walked over to the escalator which would take him to the ground floor and the admissions office.

It might be a slow process with his work schedule and he'd have to budget himself again to cover the expense, but he knew it was right for him. Jamie needed to do something for himself right now, in a time when so much seemed out of his control. And who knows, it might really come in handy someday.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for all of the reviews, faves and follows! Please keep reviewing, I love to hear everyone's different takes on how this story progresses._

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Chapter 2

Renzulli walked alongside his partner, deciding now was as good a time as any for a little foot patrol to help him digest the meal he had just gobbled down. "That was another spectacular lunch," he commented with a satisfied pat of his abdomen.

"Spectacular?" Jamie questioned as he turned to look at the street vendor they had just left. "We had hot dogs from a street cart."

"Rico has the best dogs in all of midtown, kid. Gets his wieners special from this little butcher shop in Queens," Renzulli advised. "Real quality meats...why do you think the line was three times as long as the next cart over there, huh?" he said while pointing to another vendor at the end of the block.

"That why they're also three times as expensive?" Jamie asked, never having paid so much for a hot dog, except for the time he went to a Jets game with Danny.

"You get what you pay for. It's good stuff," Renzulli remarked.

"If you say so," Jamie huffed as he continued along the sidewalk, focusing on the area around him as they went back on patrol. Jamie was looking forward to the end of tour. He'd been up later than he'd planned the night before reading for one of his courses - mental health professionals, social science and the law. He was starting question whether he was pushing the envelope by registering himself for two courses instead of just one to test the waters, but he also didn't want to be in school for the next 10 years. Jamie was already tired a few weeks into the spring semester with work, attending classes in person for one course while taking the other online and keeping up with the classwork and reading assignments on top of spending time with the family as usual without letting on to his studies. It was all leading him to doubt his decision to go after a master's degree and he wondered how people with spouses and kids juggled it all.

A perceptive Renzulli sensed that there was something up with his partner. His performance on the job was stellar as always, but it was obvious he had something on his mind, which worried Renzulli because the last time he got pensive like this it turned out that he wasn't who he thought he was. His partner was the type that needed to be coerced into talking about personal issues and Renzulli was determined to get it out of him before he let whatever was wearing on him fester and make him physically sick like it did the last time. "So, Jamie, why don't you tell me -"

"Sergeant Renzulli," a deep and confident voice called out from the officers' left.

The two uniformed men turned toward the familiar voice and groaned inwardly, both as surprised as their acquaintance to be running into each other so unexpectedly after the unforgettable and incredibly painful incident at the man's church last year.

Reverend Potter strode confidently toward the officers and away from the revolving lobby door of a midtown office building with two towering bodyguards following closely behind. The reverend smiled brightly as his eyes rolled past the husky sergeant and zeroed in on the younger man next to him. "And...," he stalled as he approached and leaned in to make a show of reading Jamie's nameplate, "I suppose it's Officer Reagan now, isn't it?" he asked as his smile grew wider and he placed his hands on his hips, always ready for any encounter with a member of the Reagan Family. Potter assumed the youngest of Frank Reagan's children would be easy to torment for his own amusement. He truly wished that he would have known who the boy was back when that debacle occurred at his church, it might have helped deflect some of the trouble he'd ended up in. "Well, well...fancy running into the two of you," he said too gleefully for Renzulli's liking.

"Reverend," the sergeant responded for the both of them, hoping that the self-appointed community leader would keep moving on to wherever he needed to get to next.

Potter ignored Renzulli, keeping his attention focused on Jamie. "I suppose congratulations are in order, Officer Reagan. It must be a tremendous blessing and a privilege, I'm sure, to be a member of the mighty Reagan clan...almost like winning the lottery in this city," he said in a tone that instantly had Jamie tensing.

Frank's youngest was obviously familiar with the strife between his father and Potter and it wasn't limited to their encounter at the church. "So I've been told," Jamie replied through gritted teeth, sensing that Potter was attempting to rile him up.

Potter's smile turned into a smirk at the stiff response, already feeling like he'd accomplished his goal. "What's the matter, son? You don't seem to be reveling in it. Think of the benefits of bearing that name, unless," he paused to tap his chin thoughtfully, "now don't tell me the commissioner is already imposing on your liberties as well?!"

Renzulli was on to his game and decided that if he wouldn't move along on his own, they would. Unfortunately, his young partner spoke before he had a chance to open his mouth.

"I'm sorry, reverend, but I think you may be confusing my father for someone else," Jamie said innocently.

"Reagan," Renzulli warned, fearing they'd end up at 1PP before the end of tour to report on how they started the next battle with the difficult reverend.

"Hmmm," Potter hummed as he studied Jamie carefully. "Funny that it was you that reported to my church last year, Officer Reagan. Maybe your father already knew who you were...you know, I just have trouble believing in coincidences."

Renzulli had enough as his partner bristled next to him. "Reverend, if you'll excuse us, we've got a tour to finish and all of this chit chat is giving me a headache right about here," he said as he motioned to the back of his head where he'd sported a large goose egg and a concussion from his up-close and personal introduction to the marble staircase at Potter's church.

"I'm sure it is," Potter snarked, having gotten his jollies for the day. "Good day, officers," he said as he went on his way with his security detail.

Renzulli hated the man and lost control of himself despite his previous attempt to remain professional and prevent any new conflicts. "Reverend...don't fall into any open manholes, you son of a - "

"Sarge," Jamie interrupted his boss, even though Potter was already out of earshot and sliding into the back of an awaiting vehicle.

Renzulli shook his head in disbelief. "Lucky us running into that clown! Don't know how your father does it, kid! I already would have popped him one in the kisser! Ahhh, he's not worth the trouble!" he growled as he tossed his arm in the air as if shooing away a troublesome gnat.

"Yet he's always causing it," Jamie commented as he watched Potter's SUV pull away and decided to share something with his partner. "You know, it wasn't until recently that the family put 2 and 2 together."

"What do ya mean, kid?" Renzulli asked as he sent the reverend's car one last scowl before getting back to work.

Jamie walked next to his partner as they continued on foot patrol. "The fall at the church...they didn't realize I was the one that rolled down the stairs with you until recently when Potter came up a while back with that rally he had in front of 1PP."

"No kidding?" Renzulli spat out. He figured the family knew every detail of Jamie's life by now.

"Yeah, well, the Riordan name meant nothing to them back then," Jamie explained as he reached for an empty coffee cup on the sidewalk and tossed it into the nearest garbage can.

"Huh...guess if we'd switched places and you ended up concussed, the commissioner would have paid you a little visit that night and gotten the ball rolling on figuring out who you were that much sooner," Renzulli reasoned. "It's a funny thing, like the gods were searching for a way to bring you all together."

"Some gods," Jamie scoffed. "First they sent us down a flight of stairs and next I got shot." He rolled his eyes at the luck in all of that.

Jamie's tone brought Renzulli right back to what he was thinking before Potter ruined their day. "What's the matter with you, kid? You've been distracted or moody or both lately and it's not like you, unless we go back to when you were figuring out who you were and I don't think the gods have any more rude surprises in store for you." At least he hoped not.

Jamie silently admonished himself. His boss knew him too well and easily picked up on his moods, much like his father, which was annoying as hell. He couldn't hide much from either man and considering that he hadn't shared his return to school with Renzulli and he didn't want to get into the family issues with him either, he decided to try his luck and just play dumb. "Nothing," he said with a shake of his head.

"Come on now, I'm not letting you be until you tell me," Renzulli warned.

Jamie forgot he was a terrible liar too and came clean on one thing that had been bothering him, more so after he missed out on a great assignment earlier in the week. "Okay, you want to know what's bugging me? It really sucks that everyone else got a chance at undercover work at that bar a few nights ago," he vented. "I can't do any of that because my damn face has been plastered across the whole damn world because of the kidnapping. We still have photographers and bloggers taking photos of me...of us," he corrected, "when we're on patrol."

"So what, kid?" Renzulli replied, recalling that the assignment was only to catch the proprietors and servers of a few watering holes suspected of serving underage drinkers. "It wasn't a big operation or anything," he added as they came to a stop on the corner waiting to cross the street with the rest of the foot traffic.

"You never wanted to do that kind of stuff?" Jamie questioned. It didn't matter if it wasn't a major sting, but those types of assignments could lead to bigger opportunities.

"Maybe...I guess," Renzulli hedged as understanding dawned on him. Jamie was fearing that he'd be left behind while everyone else moved up in their careers. "I did it once, but it really wasn't for me."

"Well at least that was an option for you. You had a choice and a chance to try it out," Jamie said.

"That all that's bothering you?"

Jamie avoided the question and kept on the same subject. "Did you know that Hoffman got himself a rabbi already?"

Renzulli's brows shot up. He knew there was beef between the two top graduates from Jamie's academy class and he could understand the sting of someday seeing the other cocky officer promoted first. "Think I heard something about that...Detective Villena, I think."

"So he said," Jamie sighed as he followed the herd over the crosswalk, "many, many times."

"You also know that Detective Villena is an old pal of Deputy Commissioner Hoffman's?" Renzulli asked. Jamie Reagan, even back when he knew him as Jimmy Riordan, was a hard-worker determined to make it on his own. He wasn't one to compromise his integrity for an easy climb up the ladder. His partner preferred to earn a rise in the ranks on his own and that hadn't changed with his new name. "So you know where that's going, right? You want people talking that you got a promotion because of a hook? Huh?"

"No," Jamie confirmed, "but at least he's moving up...or will be anyway. Before everything with Sherry imploded, I had hopes that Danny might be my rabbi, but that idea got shot to hell and with my new last name, no one has an interest in mentoring me out of fear of how it will look to my father."

The kid was speaking the truth and Renzulli couldn't deny that. "That sucks, kid, I know. But you're a good cop...you'll get where you want to go, you'll just be taking a different road there than you planned," he said pausing for a second before he cautiously added, "and maybe it's better that Danny's not your rabbi."

"Why?" Jamie questioned, confused by the comment.

"I just hope you're more your old man than Danny," Renzulli stated.

Jamie frowned, feeling a strange need to defend the brother that was currently driving him crazy. "No offense, sarge, but what's your problem with my brother?"

Renzulli didn't want to start any problems with his partner...it wasn't right to bad mouth someone's family to their face, but Jamie was his own cop and he didn't want him to forget the lessons he'd taught him so far. "The problem is making sure you don't get the wrong stars in your eyes."

"He looks like an ace detective," Jamie proclaimed while silently adding _when he's not busting my chops_ , to himself.

Renzulli's lips pressed into a tight line as he wished he'd just kept his mouth shut, but at this point, it was best to explain and hope he didn't further offend his partner. "Danny's got skills but he's got a lot of bad habits, ones he's known for. Off the top of my head, he does two things you better never do: Leave your partner and not tell anyone where you're going...it'll get you in trouble every time. All right, kid?"

Jamie couldn't argue with that. Danny had a reputation for running off half-cocked and from what he had heard, had gone through his fair share of partners and IA investigations. It was also probably part of the reason he was annoyed by Danny's attempt to mold him. "Yeah."

Relieved that Jamie wasn't mad, Renzulli tried encouraging him about his career woes. "Don't worry about the rest of it too much. You'll get there, Jamie, of that I have no doubt."

Jamie shrugged and nodded, knowing that the sarge meant well. He just wished he could believe him right now.

"Have I ever lied to you, kid?" Renzulli asked when the doubt remained on Jamie's face.

"No, sarge," he replied.

"Well, I'm not about to start now."

"Thanks," Jamie smiled at his boss. "I guess I still wonder sometimes if I would have been better off as James Riordan." He missed the complete anonymity more than anything.

"Are you kidding me?" Renzulli huffed. "Think of where you'd be...alone with just some crazy nut to call your mother, trying to think up of another excuse to use to decline my next invite to Thanksgiving dinner."

Jamie nodded, knowing that was something he couldn't forget in light of his current worries.


	3. Chapter 3

_Sorry for the delay, folks! Long weekend of babysitting a 2 year old and a 4 month old...so glad my own are more older and are able to entertain themselves. But at least I got a little inspiration for Baby Steps! :)_

Chapter 3

Danny weaved the squad car through the mid-morning traffic on their way across town to an officer-down call. He and Jackie had been pulled from their current case to take the lead because of the circumstances - both a civilian and an officer had been shot during a disturbance call and the department wanted to make sure that the incident was investigated properly. "Any other news yet, Jack?" he asked his partner who had gone silent for several minutes as she listened to their CO on the other end of the line. He could handle the case when he got there, but like every other cop out there, his first concern was for the injured officer.

"Yeah. Alright, sarge. We'll be there in a few minutes," Jackie said before ending the call. "Ghormley said the officer is out of the 3-5, already on his way to St. Victor's, one gunshot wound to the leg...he's not likely."

Danny let out a deep breath. "Well thank God for that! What else do we know?" Nothing got to him more than this type of call, especially since Joe had died on the job. But his blood pressure cranked up to dangerous levels upon hearing a report of an officer down ever since he discovered he had another brother on the job.

"Started as a domestic," Jackie began. "The shooter turned out to be an EDP. Somehow he got his hands on a weapon and he started shooting as soon as he saw the uniforms approach. He didn't even give them a chance to assess the situation and call ESU."

"Christ," Danny exhaled. "Shooter in custody?" he asked as he stomped down on the gas and buried his emotions to focus on the case.

"In custody but on his way to the hospital with a gunshot wound of his own from one of the responding uniforms," Jackie advised.

"Serves him right," Danny muttered as he went around a city bus.

Jackie frowned at her abrasive partner. He was no ray of sunshine on most days, but something had been off with him lately. "Alright, I know 10-13s aren't easy, but what the hell has you wound so tight?" she questioned, cringing at the stranglehold her partner had on the poor steering wheel.

"Nothing," Danny growled which was proof enough for Jackie that she was right.

"You're a big fat liar, Reagan. Come on, spill!" she ordered, wondering if the rest of the car ride over to their scene was long enough to shrink her partner's head.

Danny gritted his teeth at the fact that he was a failure at keeping his emotions in check sometimes...alright, most of the time. "It's Jamie," he confessed.

"What about him?" Jackie wondered, grimacing at her partner's driving. She prayed that people were paying attention to the lights and sirens on their speeding squad car, otherwise they would be the next work-related casualties.

"I don't know," Danny exhaled in frustration. "Damn kid thinks he knows everything! He thinks he's super cop!" he vented.

"Sounds like someone else I know...guess you two really are related," Jackie quipped.

Danny scowled at his partner's smart ass remark. "If you're going to joke about this, then I'm not talking to you anymore."

Jackie held up her hands. "I'm sorry, Danny, really," she apologized quickly. "Why don't you tell me what's really bugging you," she encouraged.

Danny opened and closed his mouth several times as he struggled to respond, but decided the call they were heading to was the perfect way to explain himself. "Do you know what I think about first when a 10-13 comes out over the air?"

"I can take a pretty good guess," Jackie said. It didn't take a genius to know that with one brother lost to this job and another on patrol, your mind could often jump to some pretty harsh assumptions when hearing the news that an officer had been shot in the line of duty.

"I pray that it isn't Jamie, okay?" Danny confirmed, not realizing that Jackie understood his fear already. "There. I said it. I keep waiting for the day I get the news that he's gone again," he added and clamped his mouth shut as soon as the last word left his mouth. He couldn't stand to lose Jamie again. He was the only brother he had left after a period of a few very difficult years when he thought he'd lost them both for good.

Jackie felt for her partner and had never wanted to give the big lug a hug as much as she did right now. "Danny, you can't walk around thinking that way," she soothed.

"Really? I can't?" Danny challenged with a hard look. "'Cause the damn kid has only been on the force for 2 years and has already been thrown down a flight of stairs and shot in the gut and...and..," he argued, pausing to think if there was anything else he could add to prove his point. He was just about to continue with his argument when his eyes widened as he remembered something else. "And had a perp take him down with one punch when the Sherry plea news broke!"

Jackie's jaw dropped open at the last point of his so-called argument. "You can't blame him for those things, Reagan! Especially the last one...no, I take it back, you definitely can't blame him for ANY of them! They weren't his fault! Just bad luck AND, not that I'd ever want anyone to get shot, EVER, but don't forget it's what brought all of you together. He'd still be on patrol as Jimmy Riordan with no one the wiser as to who he really was. Just be thankful it was a minor injury. And from everything I've heard, some of it from you by the way," she pointed out, "Jamie is a good, smart cop with a lot of potential."

"It doesn't matter because too much has happened in a short amount of time! He's not being careful enough out there and he's going to get himself killed one day, Jack!" Danny shouted his biggest fear. Jackie sat quietly in her seat as Danny took a few heavy breaths. "He's too interested in talking his way out of things with the psycho-babble he learned in college rather than being a smart street cop."

Jackie nodded thoughtfully as she voiced her suspicion on how her partner was attempting to correct what he saw as flaws in his little brother. "So let me guess...you have been giving him advice on how to be a better cop?" she asked and knew she was right when Danny refused to meet her eyes. "Oh boy," Jackie whispered as she faced the front again. Danny Reagan was a great detective, the best she had ever worked with and others could learn a lot from him, but there was also a lot that no one should ever take out of the Daniel Reagan Rule Book on Policing, considering he had a reputation for towing the line on what was considered acceptable means - like jamming a perp's face in the toilet.

"I'm trying but the damn kid won't listen to me," Danny grumbled begrudgingly after sensing that his partner might not be completely on board with his methods.

"What did you do?" Jackie asked with narrowed eyes. Danny Reagan didn't sit around and let something that he suspected was a major problem be without some action. Jackie was just fearful of the actions he'd taken.

"I didn't do anything!" Danny cried.

"Reagan! Don't you dare lie to me again!"

Danny wouldn't lie to her...he just wouldn't tell her the whole truth. "We've been working out on the mats," he began innocently.

"And," she prompted.

Danny tried to remain casual as he continued to avoid his partner's glare. "And I might have given him a deadleg...or two."

"Which means it was probably twice as many," Jackie whispered to herself with a look of disappointment. "What else?"

"Took him down a couple of times when he wasn't expecting it," he muttered under his breath.

"Oh, Lord."

His partner's lack of approval had Danny going on the defensive. "He's soft, Jack! Too soft for the streets if a little boo boo on his leg is enough to have him running off to the sidelines. He needs to be ready for the unexpected," Danny said.

 _"What the hell is the matter with you!" Jamie shouted as he hobbled over to a chair on one side of the gym. Jamie rubbed at the bruise he could feel forming on his left thigh where Danny had kneed him for the second time in a row._

 _"What are you crying about? How the hell did you get through this part of the academy anyway? Is that what you're going to do if a perp knocks you off your feet? Hobble off to the safety of your RMP? Do you think they'll give you that chance? And I caught you completely off guard. You gotta be on alert at all times, kid," Danny fired back quickly._

 _"Danny, we were talking about the camping trip before you knocked me off my feet! What the hell was I supposed to be prepared for?" Jamie argued. He had considered not coming at all since their last meeting at the gym had resulted in him suffering a sore back for a week. That and the constant criticism from his brother was beginning to wearing on him. Jamie couldn't take part in any conversation having to do with the job lately without Danny telling him he didn't know anything yet about how real police work was done. He only came because he would have felt guilty about ditching his brother._

 _"Exactly my point! Out on the streets, you gotta be on guard at all times! How many times do I gotta tell you this? They're not gonna give you a warning out there! It just doesn't sink in through that thick skull of yours," Danny replied as he waited for Jamie to return to the mat._

 _"Number 1 - I'm at the gym with my brother, not on patrol. And 2 - I'm getting tired of you knocking me on my ass for no reason and all under the pretense of getting a little work out in. I can't even play ball with you anymore cause I end up with an elbow to the face or stomach or wherever else you can reach," Jamie complained._

 _"Stop whining and get back out here, rookie! I'm just trying to teach you a thing or two to keep you safe. You need to take better care of yourself out there!" Danny ordered._

 _Jamie's jaw clenched at his brother's tone; he didn't need to take orders from him. "No...I'm done," he proclaimed as he threw his towel and water bottle into his gym bag. "Let me know when you've found your marbles and I'll come back out here to join you for a real workout."_

"I haven't spent a lot of time with him but soft isn't a word I would use to describe him considering what he's gone through already...and I know you really don't feel that way either," Jackie said in a gentler tone. Danny wanted to wrap Jamie up in bullet-proof bubble wrap, but he needed to learn that he couldn't control everything and everyone, especially another gun-toting member of the force.

Deep down, Danny would probably agree with Jackie, but he wasn't going to admit it...not today anyway.

"Just take it easy on him or you're going to drive Jamie away, Danny, and you only just got him back," she worried. Having his brother alive and safe was great, but what would it really be worth to him if the kid wasn't willing to have a relationship with him?

Danny knew she was right but he was is in big brother mode and he was dealing with some pretty intense fears that he could not shake. He felt that if Jamie didn't heed his advice and carried on with this attitude that he knew better than his experienced, older brother - which drove Danny crazy to no end - he was going to end up hurt a lot worse than he already had been during his two years on the job. Danny frowned as he thought of Joe as a rookie coming onto the department...he toughened him up the same way and Joe had listened to him without much of a fight.

At least that's what he thought.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Jamie brought the strap of his duffle bag over his head and onto his shoulder. Tour ended on time today, which was a good thing because he wanted to get a run in before he settled in to do some homework. Jamie smirked to himself; he never would have thought that after graduating college and the academy, that he'd still have to worry about school.

Jamie was halfway to the exit when the desk sergeant on duty called out to him as he passed by. "Hey, Reagan!"

Jamie didn't hesitate to stop, but hoped he wasn't being hauled back in to cover a shift. "Sarge?"

"You got a visitor," Sergeant Chaise advised.

"I do?" Jamie asked as he turned to scan the room. "Who is it?"

Chaise pointed his pen in the direction of the open doorway. "Pretty brunette over on the bench. You got a girl now, Reagan?" he teased with a grin.

Jamie chuckled as he studied the unfamiliar woman. "No...never seen her before. I don't know who she is," he claimed. The sergeant was right, she was pretty from what he could see of her face. She couldn't have been that much older than him, but she seemed distracted as she stared down at the brown box in her lap.

"Well, she said her name was Angela something, so maybe you should go find out," Chaise said.

"Thanks, sarge. I'll see ya," Jamie replied as he headed toward his mystery visitor, approaching quietly so as not to startle her. Her eyes hadn't moved from the top of the box and Jamie wondered at its contents. "Uh, excuse me...Miss?"

Despite his careful approach, the young woman still jumped in her seat. Her eyes widened immediately when they landed on his face, causing her breathing to stutter in her chest. She said nothing, but stared back at him and Jamie began to feel his stomach tighten just as it did every time someone would recognize him on the street. In those instances, he would excuse himself politely and walk away. But he was relatively safe here in the precinct and curiosity won out as Jamie wondered why she would come here to seek him out. "Are you alright?"

The woman nodded nervously, hugging the box to her chest as she rose to her feet. "Yeah...yes...fine, uh," she stammered, exhaling several times to calm her nerves as the initial shock wore off. "I'm sorry, it's just that, well...you look just like him," she explained.

"Sorry?" Jamie said, confused by her statement.

"No, I'm really sorry. I'm Angela. Is there, uh, is there somewhere more private where we could sit and talk for a few minutes?" she asked.

Jamie froze for a few seconds, but her kind blue eyes somehow convinced him she wasn't looking to harass him in any way and he was too curious to turn her away. "Sure, yeah. Follow me," he instructed and led her down the hall to an empty office. Jamie waited for her to enter before following her in, closing the door behind him. He only took a few steps into the room after that, choosing to stay on his feet as Angela placed her box on the desk.

Angela smiled apologetically at the confusion that remained on his face and while she had planned to explain her presence as soon as they were alone, she got lost in his familiar features.

"I don't mean to be rude, but what's this about, Miss?" Jamie questioned.

"Angie...you can call me Angie, Officer Reagan," she said, feeling strange saying those last few words.

"It's Jamie, then. What's this about?" he asked as he began to grow impatient...the long stares were starting to unsettle him.

"Your brother, Joe, and I...we were together when he...when he passed," she said in a thick voice. Years after his passing, Angie could still feel the immense pain of his loss. She thought she'd healed and moved past it all, but the media frenzy over Jameson Reagan along with a small box filled with a few of Joe's personal items that she'd buried in the back of a closet had caused the grief to resurface. She had loved Joe fiercely, and vice versa, and she thought they were headed toward a long life together until that awful day when he never came home from work.

"Oh," Jamie gasped, caught completely off guard by her connection to his brother.

"I'm sorry for coming by unannounced...completely out of the blue since you don't know me from Adam," Angie apologized.

"It's okay, really," Jamie replied as he gripped the strap of the bag crossing his chest. "It's good to meet people that knew Joe. It's nice to hear about him from others," he assured her.

Angie smiled sadly at some of the mannerisms he seemed to share with Joe and Frank. "I saw you on the news...it was shocking," she offered, at a loss for how else to describe that situation.

"I know the feeling," Jamie remarked.

"I'm sure you do. You really do look just like him though. The papers said that was why Frank suspected who you were at first," Angie commented.

"Yeah, it was. Guess I should be grateful for that, otherwise...who knows," Jamie shrugged.

Angie nodded as she placed a hand on top of the box she'd brought with her. "I've wanted to meet you for a while, but I really didn't have the nerve. Everything with Joe...well, it still hurts."

"That's understandable," Jamie sympathized. Everyone that knew his brother still seemed to be feeling the loss. It spoke volumes about the type of person he was.

"That's why I'm moving back to the west coast," Angie shared. "I used to love this city...picking up the Sunday Times after a night out," she smiled wistfully, "and more people on 2nd Avenue at 3 a.m. than in Portland during rush hour," she finished before the sadness returned to her face. "Now? It's just a constant reminder of Joe and the life we had been planning together. It took me a long time to make this decision, but I need a fresh start."

Jamie nodded his understanding, but didn't know what to say to that.

"He talked about you a lot," Angie said.

"He did?" Jamie asked with some surprise and assumed that she was just trying to be polite.

"Yeah," Angie confirmed at the doubt in his expressive eyes, ones that were just like her Joe's too.

"What could he say about me? I mean, I was only 6 months old when it happened," Jamie replied.

"He told me all about it. He always felt guilty, said if he hadn't been horsing around on the swing set, your mom would've stayed with you and that woman never would have had a chance to take you," she shared. "Joe said he loved having a little brother, there was so much he thought he would be able to teach you. He thought he'd have a lot more time with you, but he never gave up hope that you were out there somewhere."

"It wasn't his fault," Jamie said. It seemed that everyone but Sherry wanted to take the fault for what she had done.

Angie nodded her agreement. "That's what everyone told him, but your brother always put the weight of the world on his shoulders. Joe was a good man...I loved him very much," she said. She got a far away look in her eyes before she refocused on why she came here. "Anyway, you were never far from his thoughts. Joe kept some journals that he'd carry between my place and his. He often told me that when he wrote in it, he felt like he was talking to you, like trying to include you in what was going on in his life and the family's."

Jamie's jaw dropped, touched that Joe really thought of him that often. "Seriously?"

"Yes. Actually, that's another reason I'm here. I found a box of Joe's things in the closet while I was packing. I never gave them to your family...I don't know, I guess I was never really ready to let him go. But with the move and seeing you on the news and in the papers, I thought you might want them...so that you can know him too," she offered as she gently patted the box on the desk.

Jamie was speechless and now stared at the box just like she had out in the hallway, blown away by the idea that there was still a chance to know his brother through his own written words. "Yes. I'd like that. Thank you."

Angie stroked her hand along the edge of the box as she moved toward Jamie. "He loved you very much," she said as she reached over and squeezed his hand. "Good luck to you, Jamie."

"You too, Angie," he said and watched her leave the room. Once she was gone, he turned back to the box, eager to tear into it. But as he went to lift the lid, he realized it might be better to retreat to the privacy of his apartment than to go through his brother's belongings here.

* * *

Jamie was convinced his brother was watching over him as he made it home in record time and snagged a spot for the Chevelle right in front of his building. His jog and studies were long forgotten as he walked through the door into his one bedroom apartment. Normally, Jamie was an orderly person, putting all of his things where they belonged right away, but he tossed his duffle bag filled with his dirty uniform from the day's tour onto the floor of the entryway, much preferring to take Angie's box to the living room to finally reveal its contents.

Jamie sat in the middle of the couch with the box directly in front of him, but he wasn't doing more than that. He'd been itching to tear into it during the whole ride home and now that he was alone in his place, he couldn't get himself to open it. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ he wondered. He thought he'd only ever know Joe through other people's stories and here he was, gifted with a chance to get to know the real Joseph Conor Reagan and he couldn't get himself to move. A part of him worried that if it really was Joe's personal journal sitting in the box, that it would be akin to invading his privacy if he read it. It felt like prying, but then Angie's words echoed in his mind.. _.he often told me that when he wrote in it, he felt like he was talking to you._

She wouldn't lie, would she? And if she hadn't meant what she said, she wouldn't have given the box to him - a complete stranger - when she already had a relationship with the other members of the family who she could trust to keep Joe's journals private.

But after several long moments, Jamie realized he was just scared. "Stop being such a coward," he admonished himself and took a deep breath before removing the lid, confused at first to find a pair of faded blue jeans sitting on top. He removed the pants from the box and held the waist out in front of him as the long legs unraveled until they hit the floor. "You were way taller than me, Joe. Guess you inherited those genes from dad."

Jamie tossed the jeans to the side, not sure what he would do with them, when his attention went to something that would definitely come in handy - the original manual to his Chevelle. He smiled as he held the soft cover in his hands, flipping through the pages and taking note of several which were dog-eared and smudged with greasy fingerprints that could only belong one of two people - his father or Joe, both the do-it-yourself car aficionados of the family. Working on the Chevelle was a hobby and skill he was slowly learning - and loving - thanks to his dad. It felt good to get under the hood and get grease under his fingernails, especially when it resulted in keeping the Chevelle purring.

He placed the manual on top of his other books sitting on the coffee table, just waiting for a day when he wasn't engrossed in social sciences and human growth and development. Jamie peered into the box and found three items remaining - two hard-cover, navy blue journals and an old silver iPod. He removed them from the box, tossing it to the side as he reverently laid them out across the coffee table. "Holy crap," Jamie sighed as he pondered at what he'd learn from their depths. He was just about to open the cover of the first journal when a glimmer off the silver iPod caught his eye. Curious if the thing even worked after being stored away in a box for years, Jamie shuffled over to his abandoned duffle bag and grabbed his ear buds from the side pocket where he normally stashed them. He quickly returned to the couch and plugged one end into the small device while placing the buds in his ears, startled when it powered up after a quick press of a button and nearly blew his eardrums out as a guitar riff from a classic rock anthem proved that the iPod was still in working order. "You better not have intended for that to happen, big brother," Jamie complained as he lowered the volume and sat back on the couch to skim through the playlists. He lost all track of time as he went through countless songs. Joe seemed to have been a hard rock and heavy metal fan as those genres filled the majority of the playlists until he got to a few selections that not even Jamie would want anyone to discover amongst his own collection. "Oh, Joe...90s boy bands...really?" Jamie chuckled as he moved on to the next mp3, except that the recording had him sitting up straight, all amusement from the pop songs gone from his face.

 _Testing...testing._

 _This is Detective Joseph Reagan...six months into my investigation of Blue Templar._

 _Big meet tomorrow...I think I'm in._

 _My FBI contact was changed without explanation, I don't know if they can be trusted._

 _I make this record separate from my recordings for them._

 _More after tomorrow._

Jamie's breathing quickened, shivering as goosebumps spread across his body while he looked down at the silver device in his hand, both stunned to hear the sound of Joe's voice and the subject matter itself...the reason for his death. He wondered when it was recorded...how soon before he died was Joe already questioning who he could trust? "Why didn't you go to dad, Joe?" Jamie asked the empty room. If there was anyone he could have trusted, anyone that would have done anything possible to help him if he thought he was in trouble, it was their father...Jamie had learned that about their father quickly.

He pulled the buds from his ears, afraid to hear about the Templar without knowing more on why Joe went into this alone. Looking down at the journals, Jamie prayed he could find some peace in his brother's words and get to know one of the two family members he never had a chance to meet. This too would become another secret he'd keep to himself, knowing it would be the best way to get to know his brother without anyone muddying his words.

* * *

 _There it is. That's how Joe will become an integral part of this story from here on out. And what better way for Jamie to know his middle bother? We'll hear Joe's take on life, the job and the family with each new chapter._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 _Man, J, I wish you could see the TO I got assigned to...the guy's a real piece of work! Renzulli is an old school Italian, he's no-nonsense on the job but I get the feeling there's a lot more to him than the gruff outer exterior he puts on. I've only been on the job a few weeks and I feel like I've already learned so much from him. He knows everything about this job and he seems to know the whole family too...gramps, pop and Danny, but I guess with our last name, how could he not, right? And he made it clear, he isn't cutting me any slack because of who I eat dinner with, which is fine by me. Neither I nor dad would have it any other way._

 _He's good though...always telling me to look around, pay attention...asks me, 'what do I see?' He says I need to let people come up and talk to me, tell me what's going on. And you know what? He's right. I'm never gonna learn about the street from memorizing the patrol guide alone or from just sitting inside an RMP. He reminds me every day why I love doing this job. This is what I thought it would be about and I can't imagine doing anything else._

 _Now, if only I could get our big brother off my back. Mr. Super Cop thinks he's gotta personally teach me everything he knows about being a cop. I think he's excited about me being on the job now and that's cool. I appreciate Danny wanting to make sure I'm safe out there, I really do, especially with all of the extra work he's putting in already to earn his gold shield, but D's a different kind of cop. He's great, don't get me wrong, and he'll be setting all kinds of records and earning lots of commendations as a detective, but he's just different. I don't know how to explain it...it's kind of like he's grandpa and I'm dad, two very different personalities yet both have still managed to do some pretty incredible things in their careers, they just did it in their own ways._

 _Danny's a hardass too but I don't have the heart or the energy to tell him to back off. Sometimes it's just easier to say 'sure, D' and leave it at that. But I swear, I may have to if he gives me another deadleg...those things hurt! I thought we were past that kind of torture once we were both old enough to drive, but if he keeps it up, I have no problems doling them out myself like I've done in the past. I can give just as good as I get and Danny seems to forget that._

* * *

"Tents are all set up, fire's going and gramps is getting lunch together," Jamie reported as he met his father out by the edge of the lake where he was setting them up for some afternoon fishing to hopefully catch their dinner.

"That's good," Frank replied as he finished attaching a bobber to one of the lines. "Where's your brother?" he asked as he glanced at his youngest over the rim of his glasses.

"Passed out in one of the chairs like he has been for the past two hours while I lugged everything around," Jamie complained as he sat on a log next to his father and gazed out across the serene lake.

"I warned you about that, didn't I?" Frank smirked.

Jamie tried, but failed to hold back a grin, recalling the conversation with his father about this very subject. "Yeah, you did," he chuckled.

Having completed his task, Frank carefully lined the last reel up next to the others resting against the log before leaning forward to take in the same peaceful scene. "At least he wasn't awake to boss you around the whole time."

"Oh, no," Jamie shook his head, "no, the 15 minute lecture on what should be done before he wakes up was plenty informative," he said.

"Gotta love him," Frank grinned.

"If you say so," Jamie sighed as he dug the toe of his left foot into the sand. He had some doubts about coming this weekend considering the way things were right now between him and Danny, but this wasn't a trip he could talk his way out of. Yet a part of him had been looking forward to it too - his first Annual Reagan Men Camping Trip. It was the type of family event that he found both foreign and alluring, a chance to take part in a real Reagan tradtition.

"You two okay?" Frank inquired, sensing a tension between his boys over the recent weeks.

"Yeah...sure," Jamie shrugged, not wanting make a mountain out of a mole hill. And the last thing he wanted was to look like he couldn't handle himself against his own brother.

"You don't sound so certain. What's going on?" Frank prodded.

"Nothing," Jamie claimed but Frank's knowing look told him to try again. "I guess I just didn't realize it would take a while to get used to having a big brother who's always up in my business," he said casually.

Frank chuckled, flashing back to the sounds of his three older kids growing up, always involved in some sort of conflict, the usual catalyst being one of them sticking their nose where it didn't belong. "If Joe were here, he'd tell you he was still getting used to it."

"I'm sure he would," Jamie whispered, thinking back to Joe's journal.

Frank's brow furrowed at the comment, but he chose to explain the complex personality that was one Daniel Fitzgerald Reagan. "He's trying to make up for lost time," he began.

"That's a lot to make up for and he doesn't have to," Jamie countered.

Frank straightened up, ready to jump in as family mediator. It was a role he did not relish, but he had a lot of practice having raised three strong-willed teenagers. "I think we all feel the desire to do the same with you. There's so much we missed out on, son. Even I have been guilty of that, but your grandfather and I have talked about it several times and we both agree that the important thing now is to make the most of each day we have together and to stop obsessing over our regrets. Your brother and sister on the other hand, they have a tougher time keeping themselves in check. Erin wants to mother-hen you and Danny wants to take you under his wing just as he would have if you would have grown up together...I think he forgets that you're a 26 year-old man. That's the way he was with Joe too."

"I get it...doesn't mean I have to like it all of the time," Jamie replied. He did like having family to go to when he needed them, but this thing with Danny and the job was starting to escalate beyond a vet mentoring a rookie.

"No, you don't," Frank agreed. If this weekend went as smoothly as he planned, he had high hopes that it would help ease the tension between his boys. Nothing would make him happier than to see the two of them continue to get along just as they had when Jamie had been reintroduced into the family. He also understood that the adjustment period for Jamie would be a long one as his youngest sometimes still wasn't comfortable coming to them for help or sharing things from his past without a little prodding. He seemed most at ease with him, but Frank still had to gently draw information out of him. He learned that once he got going, Jamie was more forthcoming. "So what else is going on with you?"

"Same old, same old," Jamie shrugged. He felt a little guilty not telling his father about the masters program. He still needed it to be something he did for himself and on his own. Jamie was afraid that if he told his father, he'd jump in with an offer to pay for the courses, just as he had offered to send him to law school if that was something he was still interested in. But Jamie could tell that he was hunting for anything else that had him preoccupied these days and aside from Danny, which he skirted around a bit, his worries about a promotion with the department was not a topic he wanted to address with him, mainly because he didn't want to make him feel guilty about it. Jamie had willingly taken on the Reagan name and he'd been warned about what came with the responsibility, he just wasn't totally prepared for it...not that anything ever could, because even if he shared the PC's last name, he still asked himself why people couldn't look past that and base promotion on merit just like it should be? And that logic convinced Jamie that maybe he was too green and idealistic in his thinking, because when it came down to it, everything revolved around politics, something he loathed.

"Really?" Frank replied.

"Yeah...why?" Jamie laughed nervously, feeling like the former detective was trying to sweat him out with his pointed look.

"I don't know...you seem to be real busy lately," Frank remarked. He didn't want to pry in his son's life, he was an adult after all, but he was curious about what had him occupied these days. "We don't see you as much."

"I still come by the house and I'm over for dinner every Sunday like clockwork," Jamie pointed out. "I don't know, I've picked up an extra tour here and there...I've been hanging out with some of the guys from work," he fibbed as he looked away to hide the guilt he could feel oozing out of his pores.

Frank didn't believe him, but he didn't want to start any conflict this weekend. Maybe Jamie was seeing someone new and wasn't ready to talk about it...that's what Frank was hoping, so long as he wasn't in any trouble. "But everything's good?"

"Yeah. I said as much," Jamie said, praying he sounded more believable.

"Alright," Frank nodded with the realization that if something was wrong, he wouldn't be hearing about it today. "I'm really happy you're out here with us."

"Me too. It's nice to get away from everything," Jamie commented as he looked back out at the lake, relieved that his father had moved on. "Like I told you, I've never been camping before. But I was looking forward to some down time and just hanging with you guys."

"Well, that's the whole point of being out here...to relax and reconnect. It will be good for all of us."

* * *

"You're turning that thing into a charcoal briquette," Henry criticized.

"I like it charred on the outside and gooey in the middle, gramps. We go through this every year," Danny said as he sat back in his chair and blew out the flame around his perfectly blackened marshmallow.

Frank and Jamie grinned as they continued to roast their own jumbo marshmallows, choosing to lightly toast theirs. The rest of the day had been perfect as the men had enjoyed a simple lunch of cold cut sandwiches and chips, then after a short hike, they had settled by the lake for an afternoon of fishing. It was the first time that Jamie had been fishing with Danny and his father had been right, he did have the attention span of a gnat and hadn't lasted more than twenty minutes - a record according to their grandfather - before he'd given up and chosen to sun himself along the shoreline...apparently the morning nap hadn't been enough for him. But they had enjoyed their time together so far as it had been filled with laughs and good conversation free of shop talk. Jamie was surprised at how laid back his gruff older brother had been all afternoon. He could only assume that he too needed to get away from the job and the city and it had given Jamie glimpses of the more relaxed brother he'd seen back when they were first getting to know each other. He must be dealing with his own work-related stresses and Jamie vowed to keep that in mind the next time Danny got on his nerves.

Henry grimaced as Danny pulled the burnt outer layer of the marshmallow free from the soft center only to stuff it into his mouth with an audible moan of pleasure. "I hope you zipped up your tent earlier, kid. Don't want any critters getting in there, especially into your sleeping bag," Danny warned around a mouthful of the sugary treat.

"Is this when you tell me that the campsite is filled with deadly snakes?" Jamie asked as he drew his dessert away from the fire.

"Who told you that?" Danny huffed and pinned his father with a glare when he caught him smirking. "Seriously, dad? You're a killjoy."

"You didn't expect him to believe it, did you?" Frank asked with a raised brow.

"He's never been camping. Chances are he'll believe anything," Danny reasoned as he jabbed another marshmallow onto his stick.

"I'm not 12," Jamie argued as he lowered his stick to the ground next to his feet. He'd had his fill of the sugary fluff and relaxed against the back of his chair while pulling his hoody over his head to ward away the chill in the air.

"Then I guess he wouldn't have believed the roasting-a-bear-over-a-spit bit either," Henry chuckled as he stretched his feet out in front of the fire.

"We'll try it on Jack next year, pops," Danny assured the old man. "Looking forward to having the group grow by one more next year," he commented as he thought about Jack joining them. Camping would really be an adventure with his boys in the mix.

With the recent discovery of his brother's journals, Joe was on Jamie's mind constantly and even though he'd never been on one of these trips with him, it was obvious that he was missed out here. "I wish Joe was here," he said without thinking and felt guilty at the stunned and then sad expressions he received in return.

"Me too, son," Frank smiled warmly.

Jamie felt badly for bringing Joe up...for keeping things from them all and in an effort to ease his guilty conscience, he decided to come clean about Angie coming by the precinct. "I met Angie," Jamie blurted out.

"What?" Danny questioned. They only ever knew one 'Angie' and that was...

"Joe's girl," Frank stated.

"Yeah," Jamie confirmed.

"What'd she want?" Danny asked. They hadn't heard from Angie in years, ever since they buried his brother. They considered Angie a member of the family and were saddened when she lost touch with them after Joe's passing, but they understood the reason why.

"Nothing," Jamie hedged with a casual shrug, "just to meet me I guess. Like you guys, she was thrown by how much I looked like Joe when she saw the news last year. She said she never had the courage to come meet me until now." Jamie breathed a sigh of relief when they seemed appeased by his answer.

"Angie was a good girl for Joe, they were both good for each other," Henry commented.

Frank nodded, thinking back to how happy the pair had been before Joe passed, how he had even started thinking of proposing to Angie. Frank had assured Joe that his mother's engagement ring would be waiting for him when he was ready to pop the question. "How is she doing?"

"She's moving out west...Portland, I think she said. She said seeing me in the news brought up a lot of things for her and she was hoping for a new start."

"Good for her, she deserves it," Danny commented as he sat back.

"You okay?" Frank worried.

Jamie nodded quickly. "I'm fine. It was a shock for her to have come by out of the blue, but it was fine. She said Joe talked to her about me."

"I'm sure he did," Frank confirmed. They only had 6 months with Jamie before he disappeared, but Joe had taken his role as a big brother seriously in that short span of time. He loved his brother dearly and the loss had been hard on him.

"I always thought he was going to marry her," Henry said.

"Me too," Danny said. "Now we gotta find this kid a girl and get him married off," he added to lighten the mood.

Jamie rolled his eyes while giving his brother a lop-sided grin. "Here we go."

"When's the last time you went out on a date, huh?" Danny pressed, satisfied when his brother evaded his look and slouched into his chair. "Ahh! See! You can't even remember, can you?"

"Dating is no fun when girls look at you and say, 'o _h, you're_ that _guy,'_ " Jamie argued. He felt like a freak show people wanted to analyze. Some would say he was just being overly sensitive, but it only took one experience like that to deter him from the dating scene for now. And adding school into the mix had also taken up all of his free time.

"Then you're looking in all the wrong places!" Danny claimed.

"My brother the matchmaker," Jamie sighed.

"You're too young to be a monk. Leave that to these two old-timers," Danny said as he pointed a thumb back at the older men.

"Hey!" Frank exclaimed.

"Watch it, buster!" Henry warned.

"We're not dead, you know!" Frank proclaimed.

Even though the jab was directed at both of them, Henry couldn't help but turn the focus completely on his son. "So when's the last time you were out with a woman, Francis?"

"I don't know that I want to talk about this," Danny fretted. Nothing was worse than knowing too much about your father's romantic escapades and he had gotten enough of a disturbing glimpse with the Melanie Maines case. Sure, it was all laughs when his dad was squirming in the hot seat after they first met at the hotel to go over the case, but any discussion of his father's love life after that had him blushing and wishing the ground would swallow him whole.

Luckily for Jamie, he'd somehow been oblivious to the whole thing, but it did bring a long-forgotten memory to the forefront. "Oh," he gasped as his brow wrinkled. The scene played out in his mind in a continuous loop and he looked to his father wondering if it really could have been him.

"What?" Frank asked his youngest.

"Was that you, dad?" he blurted out as he still wasn't sure himself.

"What are you talking about?" Frank inquired.

"I don't know," Jamie said with a shake of his head, "my rookie year, back when I was still together with Syd..."

"What about it?" Danny pushed, curious what had his brother so pensive especially since it clearly involved their father.

"She and I were out one night, down by the river and I could have sworn I thought I saw my boss," Jamie said with a questioning look toward his father.

"Oh, yeah?" Danny perked up with a smug smile. "What was your _boss_ doing?"

Jamie could see his father stiffen and he got the sneaking suspicion he had been right. A part of him wanted to blab what he saw and another part wanted to shut up and give his squirming old man a break. "I was kind of far away...could have just been some other tall guy -," he began to say.

"With an unmistakable mustache? I highly doubt it. Where you with a woman, dad?" Danny snickered, having forgotten his earlier discomfort.

"Spill, Francis," Henry joined in. "Inquiring minds want to know."

"The boys don't want to know - ," Frank thwarted.

Jamie sat back quietly and brought his hand up to cover the grin on his face. It was strange seeing his father - the police commissioner - seemingly ready to run for the hills to any topic...this was actually kind of fun.

"Not any of the dirty details, hell no! But who was she, dad? Huh? Huh?" Danny pressed with a cheeky smile.

"She was blonde," Jamie added.

Frank narrowed his eyes at his youngest...he'd totally lost control of this situation, not that he ever had any to begin with.

"Really..." Henry said as he wracked his mind for any mention of a woman.

"How did I end up in the hot seat?" Frank huffed.

"'Cause your dating life is more active than my little brother's, apparently. Who was she?" Danny repeated. It wasn't Maines if she was a blonde.

Frank needed to give them something, otherwise they would never get off his back. And if they found out about Kelly, he'd never hear the end of it. "I only saw her for a short time. It was nothing serious."

"Oh! Those are sometimes the funnest ones! You'll have to get some dating tips from your old man, kid," Danny laughed.

"Ugh...no," Jamie grimaced. "No offense, dad."

"None taken," Frank assured him quickly.

"Who was she, Francis?" Henry continued.

"I plead the 5th," Frank declared and clamped his mouth shut. They would get nothing more out of him.

"I'm sure you do," Danny snickered as he traded laughs with his brother and grandfather.

 _This is exactly what I was hoping for this weekend,_ Jamie smiled to himself as they continued to rag on Frank. He wanted to connect with all of them without any of the every-day hassles that seemed to get in the way and with any luck, it would carry over to when they returned to the real world.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 _Big day in the Reagan Family with dad's promotion to Chief of Department. You should have seen Mom and gramps at the ceremony, they were so proud of him and so are we. D and I were in our dress blues right alongside Linda, Erin and Jack. Poor Erin practically had to sneak out of the DA's office to attend. I don't know how she does it...she's at the bottom of the totem pole at the DA's office battling to make a name for herself with a toddler at home. My sister is superwoman and has it all...career, husband and child...although I worry about the marriage. I get the feeling Jack's a wolf in sheep's clothing, always have. I don't think any of us trust him, the guys I mean, because mom and Erin are smitten with the whole tall, dark and handsome attorney bit. Makes me want to hurl._

 _But I digress...dad earned the Chief of Department position through hard, honest work and Danny and I couldn't be prouder to call him our father and boss. He'll be PC someday just like gramps was, I know it. There's no one out there that could run the department better than him, but maybe it's a good thing he's not, right? How would that work out for D and me?_

 _I wonder if dad had to deal with people talking behind his back or shying away from him because pops was the top cop. D and I are probably already gonna have people looking at us differently because of dad's new gig. Danny's already a detective third grade complaining about handling the same old, boring robbery cases. He's waiting for a transfer somewhere else, but he knows he has to pay his dues before he ever makes the elusive major crimes unit. Too bad Danny has never been patient, but he's definitely not afraid of hard work just like the rest of us and that's what will get him where he wants to be. And it's good that he has Linda and little Jack at home to keep him grounded. I hope I have that someday too._

 _And me? I'm still working with a detective from homicide. I'm learning some of the ins and outs of detective work and he even got me working a stake out with him when his partner banged in sick last week. I don't know if I would have had the same chances if dad was already near the top of the food chain considering he's not a fan of anyone, especially his own kids, relying on hooks to get them up the ranks. I think Danny and I have proven through hard work that we're damn good cops, but dad's new title might cast a shadow over that. Guess I'll have to wait and see if I'm ever worthy of my own gold shield. Gotta admit though, if I ever do make detective, I'll miss patrol. You get stuck with a lot of grunt work sometimes, but I do love being out on the streets, getting out there, meeting people and having a chance to stop the bad things from happening._

 _I suppose we all have adjustments to go through...dad with his new job and D and I as members of what's becoming his department._

* * *

"What? I was just supposed to stand there and let the guy get hit by a bus? You'd rather have _that_ on the six o'clock news?" Jamie argued as he paced his sergeant's office while the older man rubbed his hands up and down his weary face.

Renzulli wondered if he was too young to retire. Days like this shaved years off his life and since he'd been partnered up with Jameson Reagan f/k/a James Riordan, they'd had more than their fair share of bad days on the job. Renzulli was starting to think he might not live to see the age of 55. "What you were supposed to do was stand back and listen to the CO's orders! Why don't you get that?!"

"Sarge, he hadn't ordered anyone to clear the road! That guy was dancing around on the vending boxes on the verge of taking a swan dive on his own into traffic, add in tasering the guy and there was nowhere for him to go but into the street!" Jamie recanted.

The damn kid wasn't listening to a word he said and was just giving him a migraine now. "Front and center, Officer Reagan!" Renzulli belted out.

Jamie didn't argue, immediately standing at attention in front of his boss' desk. He would never disobey a direct order from Sergeant Renzulli, especially when he addressed him so formally...that other lieutenant this afternoon was a different story.

Once he had Jamie in front of him, Renzulli sat back in his chair. "Between you and me, and I mean it, Reagan," he said with a finger pointed at the third year officer, "this does not leave this office." He continued when Jamie nodded his head in agreement. "You're right, okay. There were things being done that I would not agree with...things we missed because we were too focused on that yahoo spitting and throwing things at us and the public, but regardless, Lieutenant Cook was the commanding officer on the scene and the one dishing out orders -"

"He could have gotten that man killed!" Jamie snapped back, immediately regretting the tone he used with his TO.

"And you could have gotten yourself killed!" Renzulli barked back with equal fervor. He'd had enough of seeing Jamie in frightening situations and today was just another one of those days. That EDP reached into his pockets repeatedly and while thankfully it was only to fling garbage at them, he could have been carrying a weapon of some kind. They had not been able to get close enough to him to make sure he wasn't armed.

"Sarge, he didn't have any weapons! He was a schizophrenic off his meds, he was half naked - " Jamie said, reading his bosses mind.

"You didn't know that at the time, but thank God that was the case when we got him down," Renzulli replied with a look to the heavens.

"I was sure of it, sarge. But that wasn't the main prob-," Jamie continued before he was interrupted again.

"Enough!"

Jamie clamped his mouth shut at the anger in Renzulli's eyes. He suddenly realized that he'd crossed a line. He and Renzulli worked really well together, the sarge sometimes making him feel like his equal, but they weren't. He was still his CO and Jamie couldn't forget that on the job.

The older man stood, bracing himself against his desk until he was at eye level with Jamie. He could already see the regret on his boot's face. He knew he had overstepped his bounds, but to what extent? Was he just sorry about this exchange or for what transpired on the street earlier today? If there was any doubt about whether he had anything in common with his older brother, it was gone now because this was a typical Danny Reagan move. "You listen to me, Reagan. If there's one thing I've taught you and one thing I'm going to keep drilling into that thick Irish skull of yours until it's firmly implanted in your brain, it's that you don't go into any situation assuming the threat has been eliminated. You assumed he had no weapon and jumped in between him and an ESU officer. Lieutenant Cook is over in his office deciding how he's going to handle your little stunt and I'm telling you right now, whatever he decides to do with your hide, I'll be fully on board. I'd rather see you learn a lesson from this now than risk having you do something stupid like this ever again."

* * *

Garrett watched Frank out of the corner of his eye as yesterday's incident played out on the flatscreen in his office. It had been captured on one of the city's thousands of security cameras with complete clarity. A mentally unstable man had been pacing along Sixth Avenue in Midtown, yelling at passersby and throwing garbage he picked up off the ground, sometimes even stuffing it into his pockets. The first unit - Renzulli and Jamie - arrived only a few minutes before Lieutenant Cook and ESU. They had attempted to talk the man down, with Renzulli and Jamie leaving the frame to push civilians back after the EDP jumped onto a newspaper box and started throwing items at them again. Cook continued his attempts to talk the man down while an ESU officer moved in to attempt to restrain him. The EDP responded by kicking at the officer which is when the order went out to tase him. The same officer moved back in with the taser in his hand when suddenly a uniform - Jamie - gets in between the two. There was a tense exchange between Cook and Jamie while the EDP taunted them. After a minute, Jamie backs off and ESU proceeded to subdue the man with the taser.

"How's the EDP?" Frank asked tersely as he continued to stare at the last frame of the security video frozen on the television screen, the EDP now hidden by the newspaper vending boxes after having fallen down into the street.

Garrett grimaced subtly at his boss' icy tone. "At Bellvue for a 72-hour hold, no injury from the taser except for some bruised ribs from the fall off the newspaper box."

"That's good," Frank replied as he returned to his desk, silently slipping on his glasses to focus on the paperwork sitting on his blotter.

"Officer Reagan has been suspended...three days," Garrett reported, unsure if Frank was aware of that subsequent development.

"Good," Frank nodded as he signed the bottom of one form with more pressure than necessary. Garrett was certain his signature was firmly imprinted on the paperwork beneath. "But I would have suspended him for a week."

Garrett's head snapped up at that. "Good?"

Frank nodded as he continued with his work. "I read the lieutenant's initial report. He got in between another officer and a mentally unstable individual with no idea as to whether he was armed."

"Ooo-kay," Garrett drawled, momentarily confused and feeling the need to point out something very important to Frank in case it had not occurred to him. "Well, let's take a second to just consider why he did that."

Frank slammed his pen onto his desk looked up at his DCPI. His lips were pressed into a tight line as he simmered on the inside over Jamie's actions. He certainly didn't need Garrett to defend him.

Garrett swallowed thickly, maybe he should have kept his trap shut but looking at this from a purely PR perspective, Jamie saved the department, and him, from dealing with certain disaster. "Lieutenant Cook ordered a man be tased before securing a scene. Traffic was still speeding by the man as the ESU officer approached. Take a look at the tape," he said as he walked back to the television and grabbed the remote to rewind the footage to the moment before Jamie re-entered the screen. Garrett didn't see it, but felt when Frank turning toward the TV to watch and humor him. "If Officer Reagan hadn't stepped in when he did, that man," he pointed to the screen at the cars speeding behind the EDP, "would have been tased and fallen into passing traffic." Garrett paused the recording to the moment seconds after Jamie interfered in the ESU officer's approach, "there, that white box van would have turned him into road kill." Garrett took a chance and turned back to his boss. "Do you really prefer to see that on the six o'clock news, Frank? Sgt. Renzulli and another officer quickly picked up on that and moved into the street to stop traffic and then Officer Reagan backed off to let ESU proceed with Lieutenant Cook's instructions."

Frank couldn't argue with that logic. The Lieutenant had failed to follow procedures in that regard and his captain would make sure that was addressed, but Jamie put himself in harm's way with a possibly dangerous individual, disobeyed his CO's orders to retreat and did not do so until he decided the scene was cleared. "He still disobeyed orders," Frank said. He could not and would not have Jamie putting himself in harm's way like that unnecessarily or disobeying orders without facing the consequences of his actions. He says he wants to stand on his own two feet? Well then, Frank certainly would not go against the lieutenant's decision to suspend him.

"I don't get it, Frank," Garrett said when his boss remained quiet. "Jamie just spared the department a major PR headache, a possible lawsuit and most likely saved that man's life."

"It's insubordination, Garrett, and I will not step in to pardon that behavior if it were anyone else. I'm certainly not going to do it for one of my sons," Frank stated with a look ordering him to drop the issue. But knowing how stubborn his DCPI was, Frank made his point clear. "I'm done talking about this. Chain of command is handling it the way they should. What's next, Garrett?"

 _Door's shut on that one,_ Garrett sighed to himself. "Okay, well..." he began as he returned to the other matters waiting for Frank's review.

* * *

Danny looked across the table to where Jamie was slouched in his seat picking at his dinner. He seemed to be avoiding direct eye contact with his father who ate quietly at the head of the table while sending some pointed looks at his youngest. _I knew it would happen eventually,_ Danny thought to himself. It would only be a matter of time before Jamie got himself into trouble with his soft approach and determination to save the world. But he was thankful that he didn't get hurt this time, and, hopefully, he had learned his lesson with the suspension. "So what have you been doing with yourself these past few days, kid?" he asked, unable to stop himself from starting a little trouble.

Jamie gave his older brother a hard look, gripping the fork in his hand a little tighter to control his temper. "Nothing."

"Really?" Danny smirked as he cut into his pot roast while the rest of the family ate quietly. Frank and Henry knew of the week's incident and where Danny was heading with his mischievous tone, but everyone else's curiosities were piqued as they looked between the bothers. "'Cause I got some windows that could use some weather proofing with all of that free time you got on your hands."

"Our rain gutters need to be cleared," Henry stated. He'd been miffed as well and told the boy as much during a long phone call after Francis had filled him in. He thought a few chores around the house were deserving of Jamie's actions to fill the down time.

"I'm busy," Jamie grumbled as he stabbed a broccoli floret, hoping to keep his business to himself.

"What's going on?" Nicky asked innocently.

Linda looked to Erin who also seemed to be at a loss, but even with Frank's stoney silence, it seemed that all of the men knew what this was about.

"Your Uncle Jamie got himself into some trouble at work...he got himself suspended," Danny announced.

Jamie sent Danny a seething glare but kept quiet, not wanting to say something he would regret later.

"No way!" Sean said as Jack shouted, "Really?"

"What'd you do, Uncle Jamie," Nicky inquired.

The whole family turned to Jamie to await his answer but it was Danny that felt the need to fill the rest of them in. "Well, you see, in all of his infinite wisdom, you're Uncle Jamie thought it would be a good idea to step in between some nut job and an ESU officer with instructions from the CO on the scene to tase him, isn't that right, little brother? The perp hadn't even been cleared for weapons."

"Give it a rest, Danny," Jamie hissed.

"Jesus, Jamie! What were you thinking?" Erin asked with large, worried eyes.

"You're lucky you didn't get more time," Henry grumbled as Frank remained eerily silent.

"Can we move on?" Jamie begged his grandfather while avoiding Erin and their father. His dad had not reached out to him about it yet and it seemed that he probably wouldn't from the silence he'd received so far. And Jamie certainly didn't want to bring it up either. He didn't expect or want his dad to do anything about the suspension. Although a part of him wanted to explain his side of the story, he sensed that it would only do more harm. He saw a dangerous situation and acted, but he understood that what he did was wrong and would keep his head down and learn from it. "It's been dealt with."

"And hopefully you learned your lesson," Henry said.

* * *

 _Yes, part of this chapter was taken from season 5 of the show, but the situation fit perfectly for what's going on with Jamie, the job and the family, so I used it._


	7. Chapter 7

_Late post...way too much going on. :)_

 _Chapter 7_

 _God, Jamie, I wish you were here with me today, bud! I had the most incredible day at work. Now that's probably not something you expect to hear from a cop although most days are okay, in fact, any day that you're not getting shot, yelled or spit at is a great day, but today was something else all together. There's always work to do from helping people with small problems to arresting scumbags who don't deserve to see the light of day again. And then there are days when you have the chance to save someone's life and it's just the most amazing feeling in the world. It's so hard to describe._

 _My new partner and I, we were walking up along the park on the way back to our RMP when we see this little girl scurry across the sidewalk in front of us toward the street all by herself. I couldn't make sense of it at first, what she was doing alone? My immediate instinct was to run after her and thank God I did. I didn't piece any of it together until after because all I saw and heard was a 2000 pound taxi cab heading for her with no idea that she was even there, bent over a bright red ball in the middle of the street. I didn't think, J, I just ran into that street and scooped her up praying I could get her out of harm's way. The cab driver saw us at some point and slammed on the brakes, unfortunately for me he didn't miss me completely, just clipping my left side._

 _Dad said I had an angel watching over me and I guess he's right. Brianna, the little girl, or I could have ended up seriously hurt, especially Brianna...she would have been no match for that cab...I don't even want to think about that. I feared she was hurt somewhere with her cries, but it turns out I just scared her to death and her struggles were to get out of the strange man's arms and back to her mother who came running alongside my partner. I, on the other hand, have the bruise of all bruises on my backside. Yup, all over my backside...have I mentioned how much it hurts to sit? I guess I should be grateful that's my only problem. And you know who is getting a real kick out of that, right? But I think that came after I gave him a good scare at having to come find me in the ER. Danny never can just say 'good job kid,' and leave it at that. He ranted for a minute or two on being out of my mind or something to that effect and when he was assured my pride was more bruised than any other part of me (almost), the big brother torture commenced. But that's Danny, it's how he shows he cares...gotta love the big doofus._

 _All I know is that I was in the right place at the right time, just like Renzulli used to tell me. Sometimes you don't think, sometimes there's just no time to and you can only act. I never hesitated to help Brianna even when it meant putting myself at risk and I wouldn't change anything about it...that's the job. And I look forward to having the chance to do it all over again._

* * *

Renzulli led Jamie back to their RMP after finishing up with a noise disturbance call. "You got any plans for the weekend, kid?"

"I gotta go to a birthday party for my nephew tomorrow afternoon and the usual dinner on Sunday," Jamie advised.

"That's it?" Renzulli fired back with a hint of disappointment.

"Yeah," Jamie replied, confused at the reaction.

"No date?" the sergeant inquired.

"No...why?" Jamie chuckled nervously. "Have you been talking to Danny?" he asked as he thought back to their recent camping trip.

"Why would I be talking to Danny?" Renzulli wondered as he came to a stop in front of their car.

"'Cause for some reason he's brought up that very same thing recently," Jamie informed him.

Renzulli's brows shot up. "Oh, yeah? Maybe that should tell you something."

"What? That you two are a bunch of busybodies?" Jamie accused.

"No, smart alec, that it's about time you found yourself a girl to keep you warm at night," Renzulli replied with a comical wiggle of his thick brows.

Jamie let out a put upon sigh. "I appreciate the concern, but I got a blanket and a bed that keeps me plenty warm, sarge."

"It's been a while since Sydney," he commented.

"Yes, it has," Jamie agreed as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Thanks for the reminder."

"So it's about time you got yourself another girlfriend...if not to keep you warm, then to occupy your time."

"Ugh," Jamie blurted out. Talking about his love life with Renzulli was like talking about it with his father. "Can we not talk about this? I got lots to keep me busy these days."

"Yeah? Like what?" Renzulli wondered.

Jamie didn't have time to make up a lie before they heard the first screams.

"Fire! Fire!"

"There's a fire!"

The officers looked at each other for a split second before they reacted, sprinting down the block and around the corner to the commotion in front of a five-story apartment building. Smoke was already billowing from the second and third story windows as people spilled out through the front doors.

"I called 911," a maintenance worker advised in between short coughs as he ran into the arriving officers. He gripped a woman in his arms who was frantically crying, sputtering something in Spanish as she pointed back to the building. "There's a baby in there," the man advised at the officers' confusion.

Both Renzulli and Jamie's eyes widened in alarm. "Where exactly?" Jamie asked first.

"In the apartment on the second floor, facing the street," the man advised as Renzulli pushed the pair back, but it was as he turned his attention to the civilians that his partner ran in the opposite direction and into the burning building.

"Reagan! Wait!" Renzulli yelled as he too followed, but was pushed back by a plume of acrid smoke. "Central, please be advised, I got a 59 of a 5 story residential," Renzulli reported into his shoulder mike as he turned to take in a gulp of fresh air.

The street was a jumble of noise and activity as a crowd gathered, people cried and shouted as the approaching sirens signaled the fire department's arrival. They were close, but to Renzulli they couldn't seem to get there fast enough as he grew panicked over his partner and the baby's well being. He couldn't wait any longer, not with his partner alone in there. "Jamie!" he shouted as he went back toward the door, only making it as far as the entryway before a deafening explosion sounded above him and a shower of glass and debris fell to the sidewalk below. Renzulli was retreating once again when a familiar form stumbled through the dark smoke and his partner made his way toward him clutching a tiny, still body to his chest. Renzulli gripped the back of Jamie's uniform jacket and guided him out. The younger officer was grateful for his boss' presence as his eyes were reduced to mere slits while he fought his way through the black smoke. Together they cleared the building, Jamie still holding the baby in his arms as firefighters began to run by them and up the stairs toward the fire. Civilians gawked at the scene from every angle, photographing the drama as it unfolded.

A set of paramedics met Renzulli and Jamie first, the female deftly taking the baby from Jamie's arms. "Is he breathing?" she asked.

"Yeah!" Jamie coughed having felt the baby doing as much in his arms. She threw a line of questions at him about the baby, none of which he could answer. All he could do was look on helplessly as the medic laid the baby on the stretcher in the back of the bus to assess him. "Set up a humidifier with six to ten liters of non-rebreather mask," she ordered.

"Is he gonna make it?" Jamie worried in between rounds of coughing.

"His lungs sound clear, so it's a good sign," she responded before ordering the doors closed.

The bus sped off, leaving a stunned Jamie behind. He let out a harsh cough that had him bending over to spit out the nasty gunk he'd cleared.

"You okay?" Renzulli hovered.

"Yeah," Jamie gasped.

"You sure?" he asked skeptically as Jamie's breathing still came in harsh gasps.

"Yeah," he repeated.

Renzulli wasn't taking any chances. "Take a seat, kid, so one of the medics can take a look at you to be sure," he said while he guided his partner over to the edge of the sidewalk.

"I'm fine!" Jamie swore before another rumbling cough proved otherwise.

"And I'll believe it when they say so, now sit!" Renzulli ordered. Once his partner was settled he let out a sigh of relief and patted him on the back. "You done good, kid...real good!"

* * *

Erin filled the small bowl in the middle of the veggie platter with dip while she sent her father pleading looks. Both she and Danny had followed him back inside the house under the premise of getting the last of the food for Jack's backyard barbeque birthday party while Linda and Henry finished setting up and greeted the first guests, but what they planned to do was have a very serious conversation with him about their younger brother. "He could have gotten himself killed!" she said. "This, this hero stuff...this is going to get him killed!" she dramatized.

Frank's eyes widened as his daughter squeezed every last ounce of dip out of the bottle, some of it dribbling onto the veggies when her arms began to flap about to emphasize her point. "Yes, but he didn't. He saved a baby's life," he reminded both his older children who seemed to have wound each other up over the past 24 hours with the news of Jamie's actions. He looked to Danny where was bent over in the refrigerator, retrieving a couple of packs of hot dogs only to fling them onto the countertop, followed by a large Tupperware container filled with hamburger patties. Even from this angle, he could see the firm set of his jaw.

"I know, and I'm proud of him for that, but I guess I'm just not used to him putting himself in harm's way," Erin responded. That they had Jamie back at all was a miracle, but anything could happen when he was trying to play superman, he wasn't bullet or fire proof and Jamie seemed to forget that just like her other brothers did.

"Renzulli said the FDNY was right behind them. Why the hell didn't he wait for them to go get the kid?" Danny asked, having a skewed recollection of the conversation he'd had with his brother's TO when he sought the sergeant out to hear the details of the incident directly from him when Jamie failed to answer his phone. But even if he had reached Jamie directly, Danny knew he wouldn't have gotten the whole story from his bother.

"The gas line blew before the fire department got there, Danny," Frank advised to stress the urgency to save the child. He couldn't fault his youngest for doing what he did, it was the job, but like his other kids, he didn't like it either. Although right now wasn't the time to share that little fact.

"Is that supposed to make us feel better? He could have gone ka-blooey right along with the building, dad. I don't understand why you're so calm," Danny said as he created a tower with the hamburgers, hot dogs and assorted buns that needed to go out to the grill.

"What else was he supposed to do? Stand around while that baby sat in a burning building? You know you would have done the same thing," Frank said.

"Well, that's different," Danny pouted.

"How?" Jamie asked as he came into the kitchen. He'd headed directly to the backyard after arriving and gave the birthday boy his gift while he ran around with some of his friends. It hadn't taken long to notice that Danny, Erin and his father were no where to be found and a quick hello to his grandfather confirmed that they were inside getting the rest of the food. Of course, Jamie easily surmised that it also allowed them some privacy to have this very discussion.

"Jamie! Oh, thank god!" Erin greeted, simultaneously tossing the empty bottle of dressing into the waste basket as she moved in to hug her brother.

"I'm fine, Erin," Jamie promised her, already having gotten used to his sister's strange greetings. "They checked me out at the hospital just to be safe, but there was nothing wrong with me." That seemed to settle Erin down a little but he saw the way Danny rolled his eyes at him as he picked up his food pyramid. "What's with you?"

Danny turned around to face him as he balanced the load in his arms. "You. You did a stupid thing," Danny accused as he got ready to head outside. "There's a reason we got the smoke eaters to handle burning buildings."

"Oh, you're so full of it. You would have done the same thing and you know it," Jamie quickly accused. "And the fire department did not get there in time before that apartment blew. I had already cleared it when it went," he argued. He didn't understand the big deal.

"You're hopeless," Danny growled as he walked past his brother. "I gotta get back to the grill."

Erin felt guilty for not being more supportive, especially when Jamie had done such a wonderful thing and Danny could be such a bear, but when it came to her little brother, she just wanted to lock him up and keep him safe. "I also better get this out to Linda," she said as she picked up the platter, seeing that their father would do a better job of smoothing things over.

"Alright. We'll be out in a minute," Frank said as he waited for the sound of the sliding glass door closing.

Jamie walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out one of the specialty craft brews that Danny kept stashed in the back for himself. He planned to make sure his brother saw him enjoying it too since the cooler outside was filled with a cheaper Mexican import. Jamie opened the bottle and took a long pull all the while he could feel his father's eyes on him.

"You really okay?" Frank asked with fatherly concern.

"I'm fine. I just smelled like smoke the rest of the day," Jamie shrugged as he leaned against the counter opposite his father. He hadn't heard from him at all yesterday. A part of him expected to see the family waiting for him in the ER and it was surprising, but a relief, when they weren't. He already knew what Danny and Erin thought of the incident, but the silence from their father had him worried that it was a sign of disapproval just like his siblings'.

Frank had stopped himself from running to Jamie's side yesterday despite his every desire to do so. Garrett had assured him that he was alright and transported to the hospital as a precaution, but not because he was in any distress from the smoke or any other injury. Jamie was a very capable officer and if Frank was told he was alright, there was no reason to question it. But he couldn't help the ball of fear that settled in his stomach and it prevented him from calling Jamie to let him know he'd done well, he couldn't do that until he rid himself of that first instinctive emotion.

The long silence had Jamie worrying that he'd screwed up in his father's eyes again so he tried beating him to the punch. "You next in line to tell me I was wrong to do what I did?"

Frank shook his head thoughtfully. "No. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm fine."

"So I heard. I was tempted to go down to the ER and give you a ride home myself yesterday," Frank admitted sheepishly.

Jamie gave him a half smile. "I just would have stunk up your fancy car."

"We would have rolled down the windows for you," Frank joked before saying what needed to be said. "I didn't go down there because I know you didn't need the extra attention. But I spent the whole day thinking that I'm proud of what you did, Jamie. I am."

"You're the only one that feels that way," Jamie claimed.

"Oh, no...I'm definitely not," Frank assured him. "Some of us just have trouble getting it out."

"Then maybe you can talk to your other kids about that," Jamie suggested. He hated to have his father act as mediator between him and his siblings, but he didn't know how else to get through to Danny...the two were still not seeing eye to eye which was disappointing considering how well the camping trip went. But once they returned to real life and work, everything else went back to the way it had been before they had escaped to nature.

"Danny and Erin both react with the same fear I feel when we hear you might have gotten hurt," Frank explained.

"I'm an NYPD officer. What I did yesterday is part of the job. You all know that...I'd bet my life you and Danny have done the same," Jamie said. No matter what kind of reaction he got from his family, he wasn't sorry for doing what he did. It was all instinct; Jamie didn't have a second to think. As soon as he heard that there was a baby in the building, he acted, running up the flight of stairs to the second floor. He was on autopilot, relying only on his senses as the faint sound of the infant's coughs served as the only beacon to his location. He saved that baby and nothing in his whole screwed up life had ever been more rewarding.

"No one's questioning that, Jamie," Frank asserted.

"Sure feels like it," Jamie said as he averted his eyes.

"You did good, son. Don't ever doubt that," Frank said as he took a short step closer to him. "Now, we can't hide in here the rest of the day, we got a birthday to celebrate."

Jamie forced himself to meet his father's eyes and nodded, feeling his arm go over his shoulder as they walked toward the rear of the house. Maybe it was just better to take Joe's advice to grin and bear it. Danny was Danny and that wasn't going to change, not even with their father getting in the middle of it.


	8. Chapter 8

_Another late posting, but weekend fun got in the way, so I'm not sorry! LOL!_

 _Thanks to everyone that reviewed the last chapter!_

* * *

Chapter 8

 _Wish you were here little brother. I wish that every day since you left us, but today it's for purely selfish reasons. Your older brother, man...he is such a piece of work. I might have said this before, but I'll say this again: he's a hard ass! I wouldn't mind having you here to deflect some of the attention off of me. Isn't that what kid brothers are for? Why should I get to have all the fun? Not that Erin is spared, but it's different with a girl - scratch that, Erin would castrate me if she knew I called her a girl. She's a woman, and a fierce ADA, and she doesn't understand why I let Danny boss me around especially now that we're both grown. She says I just need to fight fire with fire. Well, easy for you to say, sis. Danny doesn't go after her the same way he does me. He's at least smart enough to know that Erin would ensure he and Linda don't give Jack any siblings if he pushes her too far._

 _I got three years on the job...just got a commendation for helping that little girl on the street a couple months back. My partner and I lead the precinct in felony arrests so far this year. And we even got to work an undercover stint and nabbed a couple of scumbag gang members shaking down and assaulting the owners of some small mom and pop shops. I don't claim to know everything, you can't do that in this job EVER, otherwise you're just setting yourself up for trouble one day. Which takes me back to our big brother because I just basically described his situation. I mean, I'm not the one dealing with his second IA investigation for toeing the line with a perp. Yet I gotta do everything the way he says? I just can't...it's not me and it's not the way I want to do things._

 _Despite it all, I love the big lunkhead. So can you tell me please...how do I get him to chill out? Send me a sign, J, and I promise never to ask you for anything else._

* * *

Danny dropped his pen on his desk and leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms up and over his head to get the kinks out of his back. He and Jackie and been grounded by their CO because of the nice backlog of paperwork that had accumulated on their desks. They should know better than to let that happen, especially since it happened to them often, but Danny just hated the monotonous task so much. He was just about to get back to work when his attention was drawn to a uniform headed right towards him. "Hey, kid! I'm glad you stopped by!" Danny acknowledged his brother as he checked his watch. He had called him earlier to ask him to stop by his squad room during a break. Jamie had tried giving him some lame excuse about being busy, but Danny promised it would be quick and that it was important.

Jackie's attention was also drawn to the approaching officer even before Danny announced his arrival, so she saw the moment he tensed at his older brother bellowing out the apparently hated nickname in front of the whole squad. She made a mental note to talk to Danny about that when she had a chance. He should at least watch the way he addressed his own brother when they were around other cops...no one enjoyed being addressed that way in front of colleagues.

"Hey, detective," Jamie greeted his brother's partner politely.

"Jamie, it's good to see you," Jackie replied with smile, thinking this might be a friendly visit. But even if it was, it didn't seem that the younger Reagan was all that happy to be here.

But her partner slammed the door on any chance for small talk when he spun out of his chair and made a beeline for the locker room in the back. "Follow me," he ordered without so much as a glance back at his brother.

Jamie and Jackie traded a look before Jamie did as instructed... _grin and bear it,_ he reminded himself.

Danny was entering the combination to his lock when he finally began to explain why he wanted Jamie to come by. "Linda and I were cleaning out some boxes in the attic and I've been meaning to give you these since you're assigned to the 12th." Danny had been excited to find them and thought it could be some sort of peace offering. He knew he'd been a little rough on the kid, especially with the baby rescue deal, and he felt a little bad about it. But Danny Reagan found it difficult to admit when he was wrong, so he hoped this gesture would do just as well.

"What is it?" Jamie wondered as Danny reached up into the top shelf of his locker and searched for something in the back. He had been afraid that he would be in for some other lecture on how to be a better cop like Danny. He had tried hard to get out of coming by, but Danny had been adamant and Jamie, as usual, caved in the end.

"Hold on, I'm gonna show you," Danny said as he stood on his tip toes to reach all the way to the back, cursing the fact that they'd gotten lost among the other junk he kept in his locker. Bu soon, a large grin stretched across his face when his fingers felt the cool metal he'd been hunting, palming the small items as he turned around to face a curious Jamie. "You can always use an extra," Danny paused as he opened his hand to reveal the treasure, "pair of collar brass."

Jamie's face lit up at the pair of 12th Precinct collar brass in Danny's hand. He'd forgotten that both of his brothers had been assigned to the same precinct right out the academy...a happy coincidence that pleased him to no end; it was just something else they could say they all had in common. "Thanks, Danny," Jamie smiled. He appreciated the gesture and hoped he wasn't misreading Danny, that this as some kind of peace offering on his part. But Jamie's brows wrinkled when Danny turned back to search for something else in his locker.

"On the other hand," Danny smirked as he slapped a black object against the palm of his hand. "You wanna carry something useful? You ever seen a slapper before? Nothing better in close quarters," he touted with several more loud, smacks of the leather-clad personal weapon.

Jamie was surprised Danny had such a thing. They definitely weren't police-issued and their use often brought up the question of brutality. "Where did you get a thing like that?" he asked.

"Right there," Danny pointed to the faded, gold monogrammed capital letters imprinted on the worn black leather.

Jamie's eyes widened at the 'HR' as he realized who it belonged to. "It was Grandpa's?" he asked, stunned that the former police commissioner had ever carried such a thing.

"You didn't think all those dings were mine, did you?" Danny scoffed as he offered the leather slapper out to Jamie. A patrol officer could definitely benefit from a thing like that and it was just another way for Jamie to protect himself out there.

"Thanks but no thanks," Jamie said. He didn't need to get himself into any trouble using a thing like that against a perp and he certainly didn't agree with his brother's, and apparently his grandfather's, methods. Jamie planned to do things the right way, to hell with what Danny thought of it.

"Take it, kid," Danny ordered as his temper began to rise at Jamie's initial rejection of the second part of his peace offering.

"No," Jamie replied firmly, not willing to back down...he might on other things, but not this.

A wave of anger washed across Danny, but he kept himself in check considering where they were. "Suit yourself," he spat as he tossed the slapper back into his locker. "Just keep in mind, Dorothy, you're not in Kansas anymore," he sniped as he slammed the locker shut and stormed out of the room. Danny was done trying to help Jamie...he kept telling himself that the kid better not come crying to him the next time his hippy, psycho-babble crap got him hurt on the job, but deep down inside, his real fear was that he was going to lose Jamie just like he lost Joe.

Jamie sighed at his brother's reaction, one that was becoming more the norm anytime he disagreed with him. "Help me out here, Joe," he whispered as he left the locker room, wondering if the blue journals he had at home held any secrets for dealing with one Daniel Reagan. Jamie walked back across the squadroom to find Danny already huddled down at his desk, fully immersed in paperwork while Jackie stared back with a look of confusion. Danny didn't acknowledge him and figuring any goodbye would be ignored, Jamie nodded at Jackie and left the squad as quietly as he had arrived.

Once Jamie was out of sight, Jackie turned to her partner, wondering what had happened between the two in the few minutes they had been away. "What's going on?"

"Nothin," Danny mumbled as he scratched his pen across a report.

"Nothing, huh?" Jackie repeated.

"Don't you got work to do?" Danny snapped with a glare at his nosey partner.

"Alright...jeez," Jackie said, but the detective in her couldn't just drop it. "Just looked like you two are still having trouble."

Danny sighed and slammed his pen onto the desk before pressing the palms of his hand against his weary eyes. "Stubborn kid," he gruffed.

"Sounds like someone else I know," Jackie smirked.

"Doesn't that line get old?" Danny fired back as he dropped his hands onto his messy desk.

"Not if it's true," Jackie replied. "And maybe it would help if you wouldn't call him kid in front of everyone else," she suggested.

"Huh?" Danny growled with a questioning look.

"You heard me. He's a cop with a few years under his belt, not some gawky teenage boy you gotta tease in front of your crew."

"I'm not teasing him!" Danny argued. "What's the matter with you!?"

"Not intentionally, no, and there's nothing wrong with the term of endearment but when you use it in a work setting," Jackie said, pausing to purse her lips as she thought about how others not familiar with the brothers would see things, "it makes it seem like he's just that in your eyes - a kid."

"Yeah, well then if that's his problem, then you're being just as sensitive and overly-analytical as he is. Our issues have nothing to do with me calling him 'kid.' His problem is that he doesn't know any better and won't listen to good sense!"

 _Like talking to a brick wall sometimes_ , Jackie thought to herself. And when Danny stared back at her, waiting for her to argue, she held her hands up in defeat. Sometimes there was no reasoning with him when he got like this. "Alright," she said and picked her pen to continue with her own paperwork.

Danny's eyes narrowed when his partner backed down, unsure if he had really pleaded his case or whether she was just waiving a white flag. _Whatever, I know I'm right_ , Danny grumbled to himself. Now if he could just get Jamie to listen to him, they wouldn't butt heads so often.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 _I hate this job sometimes. It feels lousy when you do everything you can to help someone and it still doesn't make a difference. But what's worse than that is when someone you see almost every day is in trouble and you never even saw it._

 _Guess I should start at the beginning...Oscar and I have this little bodega we visit during every tour specifically for the Cuban coffee they brew behind the counter. The stuff is like motor oil which is why they whip up about 5 pounds of sugar into it. Stuff's damn good though and is a great pick-me-up when you need it in the middle of a long tour. The store is owned by this couple, the wife doesn't speak a lick of English, or so I thought. I always figured that was why she would hardly say 2 words when we'd come in for our caffeine fix. All she would do was nod shyly and turn away to make the coffee. She made it much better than her husband too so we were always disappointed when she wasn't at the store which was often and usually for a period of several days at a time. She or one of the kids was sick, the husband would tell us. I always thought there was something sad about her and the husband was usually too chatty and eager to please us for my liking._ _But I never really thought about it, not until early this morning. Oscar and I were working the midnight shift and really jonesing for that coffee but there was no way to get it at two in the morning from our favorite shop. We had no idea we'd be seeing the very same bodega owners until we responded to a domestic a few blocks over from their store._

 _It was chaos with the kids screaming and the husband claiminag all was fine, nothing more than a misunderstanding and an accident. I didn't even recognize his wife at first with the swelling and the blood. What he did to her was just...I've seen vics of domestic violence before, but this one got to me._ _If I could have beat the crap out of that asshat myself I would have, give him a taste of his own medicine. I've never been that livid and I lost it handling the husband, might have even made Danny proud. Thank God for Oscar and his ability to keep his cool while his partner almost went completely nuts; he told me he's never seen that side of me._

 _After the medics left with their mom, that was when I really saw the kids - God those kids, I'll never forget the looks on their faces - but after their grandparents came for them and we took the husband in, I realized part of why I was ready to kill the guy myself. It wasn't only because the act is so despicable and that he did it in front of his children was just...there are no words. But I felt guilty about it._

 _We've been going to their shop ever since we discovered the stuff, for close to a year during almost every tour when they're open. Something about them was off, I felt that much in my gut, but I could never pinpoint what it was and I never tried to learn more about them. It was going on almost right under our noses and when I think back, her absence was always long enough to wait for the bruises to fade._

 _I should have known. Dad says he's been there, that every cop has been there, but sometimes there's no way to know until someone asks for help, but I don't know..._

 _I still should have known_.

* * *

Jamie warmed his hands around the tall cup of Colombian dark roast as he stared out through the window of the coffee shop near his apartment. His leg bounced up and down nervously while the text book he'd brought with him to pass the time as he waited for his visitor sat forgotten on the table. Jamie had been surprised when he had received a message at the precinct a few days back from David Cefalo, his old middle school friend, Brandon's father. But he didn't hesitate to return the call as soon as he went off duty, even with his vow to leave the past completely behind him. The now retired cop turned security consultant had planned a stop through New York City on his way from Boston to DC for a security conference and asked Jamie to meet him. It was a request he could not refuse. Brandon and his family had been one of the few bright spots of his childhood and he'd always considered Mr. Cefalo a father figure...hell, he wanted to be just like him when he grew up and it was why he became a cop. They hadn't spoken for very long on the phone, but they made plans to meet for coffee, which was why Jamie was here thinking back to all of the happy times he had shared with the Cefalo family.

"Jimmy?" a familiar deep voice asked.

Jamie automatically responded to his old name, his head snapping up to find a big, hulking man standing on the other side of the table. He'd forgotten that Mr. Cefalo was built much like his own father and except for the extra lines on his face and the gray mixed into the temples of his jet-black hair, he looked just like he remembered him. "Mr. Cefalo," Jamie smiled as he stood and held out his hand. "Hi...and its Jamie, now."

David Cefalo responded with a warm smile of his own as he shook his hand and reached over to pull Jamie into an affectionate hug. "Of course, son! By God, look at you! Feels like the last time I saw you, you were half as tall and a bean pole," he laughed warmly as he took in the young man before him. "You're all grown and a police officer now, so you can call me David. It's really good to see you."

Jamie laughed at the reception, recalling both of Brandon's parents' constant offers to feed him whenever he was at their house. He had definitely been the scrawnier one of the pair and Jamie had enjoyed all of the home cooked meals and treats they had shared with him. "You too. It was a nice surprise to hear from you. Please, have a seat," he said while gesturing to the empty chair across from him.

The two sat down as David continued to gaze at Jamie in amazement. "Well, I'm sure you can imagine that it was a hell of a shock to see you all over the news last year," he began as his bright smile turned nervous. "I'm sorry it took something like this to reach out. I hope that you don't mind that I did."

"Are you kidding me? Of course not," Jamie assured him. "Those few years I practically lived at your house are some of my best childhood memories. How's Brandon and Mrs. Cefalo?" he asked, hoping to keep the conversation light and focused on the positive.

David sat back in his chair, relieved that Jamie wasn't put-off by his sudden appearance. "Jeannie's fine. She couldn't get the time off from work, otherwise she would have joined me on the trip down here. She really wanted to see you too but she sends her best. And Brandon sends his regards as well. I spoke to him over video conferencing yesterday, he's based out of Germany now."

"Wow! Germany?" Jamie asked with some surprise, although he wasn't sure why. He had completely lost touch with his friend shortly after he moved away to Boston with his parents, so he had no clue what Brandon had been up to in the last 15 years or what had become of his life.

"Yes, he joined the army after high school. He's an MP now," David said proudly.

"No kidding?" Jamie said.

"Yeah."

"I guess we both kind of followed in your footsteps," Jamie commented. That definitely wasn't a surprise, Brandon looked up to his dad just as much as he had. He had always considered him the luckiest kid in the world to have grown up with two amazing parents.

"Both?" David questioned.

"I became a cop before the truth about Sherry came to light and it was all because of you," Jamie said.

"Really?" David replied with some surprise.

"Yeah," Jamie nodded as he closed the textbook in front of him before giving David a sheepish grin. "I had teachers I looked up to but you...the way you were with Brandon and all the time you'd spend doing things with us and especially all of the cop stories you'd tell us - "

"Oh, the stories!" David laughed. He remembered spending hours with the boys telling them about some of his adventures on the job. Most were toned down to spare them some of the grittier things he saw, but he made sure to share the tales involving juveniles and the consequences they faced for their actions. Brandon and Jamie were in middle school at the time and statistics showed that was the age when kids began to travel down the wrong path when surrounded by bad influences. David was not afraid to use real life experiences to scare them straight, so to speak. "You better never let Jeannie know I kept telling you boys those stories after she got on me about that."

"Never," Jamie swore with amusement. "Anyhow, I always thought Brandon was the luckiest kid in the world. He wanted to be you and it wasn't long before I did too."

David looked away for a moment as he was flooded with emotion. "I'm touched, Jamie. I am," he sighed as he faced him again, regret filling his eyes. "Makes me really wish I could have figured it all out and done something for you."

Jamie knew that look, the one that had people volunteering to take some of the blame for Sherry's crime. He didn't want to get in to this, but it pained him to see the guilt in David's eyes. He was tired of seeing the people that meant the most to him carry that burden. "Don't, please. You couldn't have done anything. My whole family is already in line to take the blame for something they couldn't stop," Jamie begged.

David leaned against the table. "You were a great kid, Jamie. A little quiet at first, but once you got comfortable around us, you came out of your shell for the most part, except for the family stuff; you hated talking about it which is understandable now. I never really talked to her - your mother, for a lack of a better word. According to Jeannie, she wasn't known to be too friendly, not that she made many appearances at the middle school. I only met her once that night I dropped you off at home after Brandon's 12th birthday dinner. Do you remember that?"

"Yeah...yeah, I do," Jamie confirmed right away. He remembered all instances when Sherry had to interact with any of his teachers and friends because his biggest fear was always that she was going to embarrass him somehow. He had been ashamed of her and had even felt guilty sometimes for feeling that way about her...until the next time she did something that made him want to fall into a deep, dark hole.

"She came off as odd to me," David said as his brow furrowed at the memory. "I think she opened the door just enough to let you slip through. You know well that for a cop, that's never a good thing...just made me a bit suspicious."

"Yeah...she didn't care for the uniform. She never liked me being friends with Brandon and I guess you were probably the main reason why, I just didn't understand it."

"I'm sure she didn't," David agreed. "I don't know if you picked up on it, but after that, I always made sure to ask you how your mom was and how things were going at home. I even ran her name once, but she seemed to have stayed out of trouble for the most part."

Jamie shrugged and shook his head. Nothing about hanging with Brandon and his parents ever felt off to him; that was when things felt right. And it wasn't a real shock to learn that David also got his own strange vibes, but he appreciated his efforts to help even if nothing came of it. "I never thought anything of it if you did. And by then I was well trained in keeping my business to myself," Jamie replied. Sherry always drilled it into him that nothing good came from letting others meddle in your business and he knew how to separate his schooling and friendships from anything having to do with her.

"Brandon commented once about how you'd never invite him to your house and when he'd suggest it, you usually gave him one excuse or another," David said.

"Mom's sick or at work and I'm not allowed to have friends over when she's not there," Jamie recited some of the more commonly used excuses.

David nodded sadly. "I told him that if that's what you told him, then that was that."

"He stopped asking eventually," Jamie remarked. That was a relief, one less lie he had to repeat.

"Aside from being the quiet kid with the strange mom, I couldn't figure out why I got a strange feeling about you two. I'd even look for physical signs, wondering if she'd - "

"She didn't. There was nothing like that going on," Jamie assured him, seeing the same worry he saw in his father's eyes when concerns about physical abuse were brought up by the DA after Sherry was charged. "There were no signs to see. I was just the kid with the crazy mother."

"I never in a million years would have guessed at what she did, Jamie," David said. "That it could even be kept a secret for that long was just -"

"Join the club. Shocked the hell out of me," Jamie said lightly at the guilt in David's brown eyes.

"Too bad we can't arrest everyone that seems squirrelly to us," David smirked, thankful for Jamie's kindness.

"Most of New York City would be behind bars if we could do that," Jamie chuckled. David's warm laugh took him back to those two years in Buffalo and he spoke the words that were long overdue. "I wanted to thank you," he began.

"For what?" David wondered.

"For just being who you were, giving a strange kid a place to call home for those few years. You don't know how much it meant to me. I needed that little bit of normalcy and sense of belonging. And you were the reason I became a cop."

David's lips formed a tight smile as his throat moved up and down repeatedly at the large lump he was struggling to swallow. "Glad I could do one thing right," he quipped once he could speak again. "You should be proud, Jamie. You seemed to have turned out very well and you did it on your own. Says a lot about who you are. Don't ever stop believing in yourself, no matter what anyone else tells you."

Jamie smiled shyly, but had to look down and blink away the moisture that was threatening to fill his eyes. Sometimes he needed a reminder of how far he had gotten on his own.

Sensing that Jamie needed a break from the emotional talk, David directed the conversation to a much happier topic. "But it seems that you couldn't have done better, huh? I mean a family of cops? I want to hear all about them," he prodded with a smile.

Jamie didn't hesitate to brief him on the Reagan clan because even if he'd already managed to navigate through some pretty choppy waters in his young life, David's visit also reminded him that he had no desire to lead that same lonely existence from this point forward.


	10. Chapter 10

_Sorry folks, another late posting! Work is to blame this time, it gets in the way of all the really important stuff. :)_

Chapter 10

 _Another Father's Day in the books. And it was a good day, although Danny enjoyed it just a little too much. It's his pass to do absolutely nothing while getting waited on hand and foot by me, Erin, Linda and Mom. But he deserves it, he's a great dad to Jack and Sean. I've never seen D with anyone the way he is with his boys, it's really cool to see. He reminds me a lot of dad which isn't surprising. We couldn't have had a better father growing up and when I think about that, it makes me sad to think about you missing out on that. We hit the jackpot as far as our parents are concerned...I don't know what we would do without them._

 _Mom still thinks about you daily, J, even though she doesn't talk about you to us. She never has, I think that would hurt too much, but she lights a little votive for you everyday. And every hug she's given us since that day was just a little tighter and a little longer, a reminder of what she's lost and a promise to never take for granted what she still has._

 _And dad...well, he's amazing. If I looked in the mirror right now, I might see some stars in my eyes. It's cheesy and I'm a grown man, but he's still my hero. Both Danny and I have always wanted to be just like him, but D has a lot more of gramp's vim and vigor than dad's patience and silent reflection...I think I inherited those. I wonder which you got? Man, I can't imagine two Dannys running around the house while growing up...scary thought!_

 _I wonder how dad's done it all these years, balancing work and family. I got my fill with the job, I can't imagine having a wife and kid too, although the idea is starting sound more appealing the older I get, I won't lie, but that's a topic for another day. Dad juggles work and family life so easily...he was always happy to see us at the end of the day, always curious to know everything that was going on in our lives and listened intently while we filled him in on what, looking back now, were really just trivial things compared to the hard things he dealt with everyday at work. Makes me wonder what was going on behind those soulful eyes of his when he'd smile and nod back at us. Was it as simple as leaving the job at the door when he came home? Because if it is, I'm going to have to put a lot of effort into being able to do that._

 _And he's still juggling family and work with me and Danny on the force. Just like when we were growing up, Dad doesn't play favorites (although D and I always suspected Erin was dad's favorite, something about the daddy's girl thing. And of course D will claim he's mom's favorite...whatever makes you happy big brother). We never got anything handed to us as kids; everything was earned through hard work and good behavior and it isn't any different now. We're just like the other 30,000 plus cops on the force who need to put in as much hard work as everyone else to make it in this department._

 _I don't know how he does it. It all just comes naturally to him._

* * *

Garrett peered down at Frank over the top of his reading glasses as he dove into the next item on the agenda, one that his boss had been purposely ignoring. He was determined to walk out of here with an answer to his questions and planned to stand firm until he got what he needed, but in the back of his mind Garrett knew there was a chance he'd fail yet again. It was an item he was desperate to clear from his desk, but that had been left unresolved so far. "Frank, I'm still fielding requests from the press for an interview with Jamie on the baby rescue a few weeks back."

"That's still coming up?" Frank said, feigning surprise as he looked up from behind his large mahogany desk.

But his DCPI saw right through the innocent act and narrowed his eyes at Frank. "We've been ignoring their requests for interviews since the day it happened. Even little Raymond's mother asked to meet with Jamie so that she could thank him personally."

"He doesn't want the extra attention, Garrett. He had enough of that last year," Frank explained. That part was true. Jamie didn't want to be pranced around in front of the cameras even if it was because of a good deed this time and Frank had been hiding behind that fact to avoid the real issue.

Garrett let out a sigh of frustration. He didn't fault Jamie for wanting to maintain some anonymity in light of everything he went through in the recent past but he was still a member of this department and these situations were expected to be dealt with in a certain way which brought him to something else that had been conveniently pushed to the side. "And giving them nothing more than the standard non-statements when asked if the department will be giving Jamie a commendation isn't making this go away either. Which begs the question, will you be giving Jamie a commendation as recommended by his sergeant and captain?"

Frank pursed his lips at the question. "I don't know," he sighed.

Garrett's eyes widened incredulously. "He deserves it, Frank. Even if it's done privately to spare him the unwanted attention. If it was any other cop, he would have been paraded around the media just for the good PR it would bring to the department aside from the fact that it would be well deserved," he argued.

"And maybe that's wrong too," Frank snapped with a sulky pout not befitting a police commissioner. It wasn't often he felt this conflicted and pressured to make a decision when it came to one of his men, but this was a difficult situation for him. Garrett might not understand his concerns, but they were valid.

"Oh, come on, Frank!" Garrett huffed in exasperation as he snagged the glasses off his face and dropped them onto Frank's desk. "With the negative atmosphere surrounding law enforcement these days, we need to show the public that we got good, selfless cops out there willing to risk their lives for them everyday."

"I know that, Garrett," he sighed as he seemingly deflated against the back of his chair.

"Then what's the problem?" Garrett pleaded.

"Jamie's not just another cop, he's my son. What are people going to say? Does he need people whispering behind his back that not even a year after he's introduced to the world as my son, that I'm already starting to pin him with medals?" Frank explained.

" _A_ medal," Garrett corrected. "You would be awarding him _one_ medal for an act of bravery worthy of the recognition. One that was caught on camera. Everyone saw that photo of Jamie carrying the baby out of the burning building. That's plenty proof to shut anyone up who wants to talk crap about him or your intentions." He understood Frank's point, he really did, but he wanted to remind him that treating his sons like any other officer on the job went both ways. "I know you strive to be the most ethical PC this department has ever seen, but it would be an injustice to deny him that because of his last name."

"No one's prouder of Jamie than me and I told him as much. Jamie's not the type that needs a medal to know that," Frank said in one last ditch effort to not only convince Garrett that he was right, but himself as well.

"You sure about that, Frank?" Garrett challenged. "Maybe sometimes a pat on the back with an 'attaboy' isn't enough. Sometimes it's good to have that reminder pinned over your badge."

Frank hated when Garrett put up a good argument, he just wished it was enough to convince him to give Jamie the commendation.

* * *

"Alright, everyone. That's it for tonight, I'll see you all next week. Don't forget to come by and pick up your papers on your way out," Professor Flores announced as she dropped a small stack of graded reports onto the corner of her desk while her students sprang from their seats, most eager to head home for the night after working a full day before class.

Jamie was one of them, with his Mondays and Wednesdays being the longest days of the week for him as he alternated between first and third shifts to clear his early evenings for Professor Flores' course - Mental Health Professionals and the Law. He'd been engrossed in the subject matter from the very first day of class when his professor dove right into the use and limitations of mental health training in relation to the legal system, something Jamie could offer his own perspective on and had already done so in class discussions and in his most recent assignment.

Jamie slid his textbook and laptop into his backpack and followed the flow of students down the aisle and to the professor's desk. He had just pulled his own paper out of the dwindling pile and smiled at the grade scribbled across the top when Professor Flores stopped him from leaving.

"Jamie, can I speak with you for a moment?"

Jamie nodded and stepped off to the side, wondering what this was about. "Yes, Professor?"

"I just wanted to let you know that you had some very good insight into the need for mental health training for first responders," she commented as she packed up her briefcase.

"Oh, thanks," Jamie replied at the unexpected compliment. He'd focused on the benefits of including mental health training for all incoming officers so that they were better prepared to deal with EDPs on the street and had relied on the few experiences he'd had to describe his own doubts and questions for dealing with them.

"It seems that you've had first hand experience in dealing with the mentally unstable on the job. I don't think I've ever had a police officer in one of my classes so I've never thought about who has to come into contact with these individuals the most when they have episodes. We just assume it's the mental healthcare professionals that treat them or the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene," Professor Flores commented as she snapped her briefcase shut.

"Yeah, my partner and I have had a handful of run-ins with them. It's impossible to tell what can set some of them off even with training, some of those situations can go south in the blink of an eye. But with more training, hopefully we'd could have the knowhow to react without the use of lethal force in most of those cases."

"Well, that was some great work there. You made a lot of valid points for increasing training within your own department. You might want to consider sharing some of those ideas," she suggested with a knowing smile, obviously well aware of who's ear he could bend.

Jamie smiled and nodded as the professor said her goodbyes. He looked down at his report one last time before slipping it inside his bag. With both straps of his backpack secured over his shoulders, Jamie went in search of his car, looking forward to eating a quick meal before vegging in front of the TV; he was too tired tonight to get any more work in, but his professor's words echoed in his mind. It was true that both new and veteran officers would benefit from training to deal with EDPs, but Jamie didn't think that suggestion coming from him would go over well with his family. First, he had no desire to hear Danny's mouth about his 'hippie mumbo-jumbo' again or have him repeat his opinion that he was still too green to offer up any useful tips on police work.

And his father? His father had 30 years on the job prior to becoming PC. He was the head of the NYPD because there was no one out there better equipped to run it. He'd hear him out and nod with that practiced closed-mouth smile of his that he forced on his face sometimes as he sat through suggestions offered to him for things he knew well how to handle on his own - Jamie hadn't been part of this family for very long, but he was already learning to distinguish some of his father's expressions. He'd be supportive, maybe agree to look into it before moving on to another topics of conversation, but why would he listen to his youngest son who was barely three years out of the academy?

And his grandfather? Well, he could be a perfect mix of Danny and his father. He'd probably tell him to stopped pussyfooting around EDPs and get them under control before they got the upper hand on him, then pat him on the back for wanting to make a difference.

Jamie dug into his pocket for his car keys, thinking that was exactly why it was just better to do all of this on his own. Maybe one day when he had more experience under his belt and was seen as more than just the PC's long lost son, he'd be able to contribute like he really wanted to.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

 _Looking back, some would say we led somewhat of a sheltered life. Mom and dad were always vigilant of the things we did and the people we hung out with, mostly because of what dad saw on the job. And then when you disappeared, well, they watched us like hawks that first year after. I guess I can't blame them for that._

 _As a little kid, I'd eavesdrop on dad and gramps sharing war stories, but they were never more than that - crazy stories of bad things that happened to others far away from the mostly tranquil streets of Bay Ridge._ _That little bubble burst again one day when I was 8 and dad took me and Danny down to the tombs to see exactly what happened to people who made the wrong choices, they paid for their mistakes by being locked up in those dark and terrifying cells and dad assured us no one would be coming down to bail us out if we ever ended up down there; we'd have to clean up our own messes._ _Come to think of it, I'm still not sure how I ended up getting dragged down there with Danny. I think Danny might have messed up somehow and dad was going for a preemptive strike with me while he was at it. I was too traumatized afterwards to pester Danny about it, which is a shame because he was equally shell shocked and his defenses were totally down. Note to self: ask D about that next time I see him._

 _Anyway, except for everything that happened with you, we were pretty lucky to grow up like we did and we didn't take for granted the fact that we had two parents who loved each other and loved us just as fiercely, who put a roof over our heads and provided everything we needed - not wanted- so that we would grow up to be independent, responsible and decent adults. They taught us how to love and respect others, instilled in us values that we can someday pass on to our own kids._

 _I think about that every time something on the job bums me out, especially with the cases where there isn't much I can do to help. Danny and I are grateful we're not policing the more violent New York of the 70s and 80s, but even today we still see things that have us sending a prayer of thanks for everything we had growing up._

* * *

Renzulli stared out through the car window, mesmerized by the deserted and darkened passing city block. It was making him wish he was at home in his warm bed next to his beautiful wife. Renzulli let out a sigh of longing as he reached for the coffee that sat cooling in the cup holder when a sudden movement in a parked car caught his attention. "Hey, Reagan. Wait up a minute," he ordered.

Jamie brought the RMP to a quick stop and turned to his TO. "What's up, sarge?"

"I don't know," Renzulli answered as he turned in his seat to glance at the four-door hatchback parked a few spots behind them. "Just go back to that light-colored compact back there...thought I saw someone inside," he instructed.

Jamie followed orders and placed the car in reverse while Renzulli reached for the lights, but he still wondered what made his partner suspicious. "So?"

"So why would they slouch down in their seat when we passed by?" Renzulli replied as Jamie brought the RMP to a stop just behind the suspicious vehicle.

"Good point," Jamie said as he put the car in park and followed his partner out to investigate.

"I'll take the driver's side, Reagan. You take the back," Renzulli said while pulling the flashlight from his utility belt.

"Got it, sarge," Jamie replied as he went to the rear passenger side door and pointed his flashlight inside. Jamie and Renzulli's eyes met across the roof of the beat up vehicle after they both had a quick look inside.

"Ma'am, please lower the window," Renzulli ordered the woman in the driver's seat as she sat up. "License and registration, please. May I ask what you're doing here?" he asked, shining the flashlight into the interior of the car which eerily casted shadows on the small, still child huddled under a blanket in the back seat.

The brunette reached into the purse on the passenger's seat as she fought to contain the panic on her face. "Nothing, officer. We were just getting ready to leave," she claimed.

"Where you headed?" Renzulli asked skeptically. There was no way she was planning to drive anywhere when it appeared that she'd been napping from the jacket bunched up on her lap which he suspected she had been using as a pillow.

Jamie ran his beam of light along the rear windows of hatchback; the trunk was packed to the gills with clothing and small personal belongings. He then scanned the backseat, being careful not to flash the light in the little boy's face, but he hadn't been careful enough as a sweep across the book bag and toys scattered on the floorboards soon had the child stirring awake. The frightened expression on the child's face had Jamie's stomach clenching at the realization of what they'd come across.

"Oh...uh," the woman stammered as she handed over the requested items from her wallet. "Uh...to Queens, to a friend's house," she claimed.

Renzulli glanced between the driver's license and the woman before raising a single brow to let her know exactly what he thought of her answer. "At 1 o'clock in the morning with your kid in the back? He looks pretty well settled back there too."

"Mommy?" the little boy called out as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, clearly frightened by the floating beams of bright, white light.

"It's alright, baby. Just got back to sleep," the mother soothed as she reached back for her son, cupping his cheek gently with her right hand.

Renzulli was determined to get to the bottom of this, but preferred to have a conversation out of earshot of the little boy. "Step out of the vehicle please, ma'am," he said.

"Officer, is this really necessary? We were just going - "

"You're a half mile from the address on your license," Renzulli interrupted while reading the name on the ID, "Stacey Greene."

"Please, officer. We haven't done anything," the brunette pleaded as she glanced back at her son again who was now sitting up and looking between the officer outside his door and the one ordering his mother out of the car with wide, blue eyes.

"Then we'll just talk outside and confirm that," Renzulli said, stepping back when she hit the locks on the doors and stepped out of the car. The senior officer nodded at his boot across the roof of the car as he closed the door behind her.

That was all Jamie needed to do his part as he reached for the rear door and hunched down infront of the lone, young occupant in the backseat. "Hey, buddy. What's your name?" he asked, his friendly tone matching the expression on his face.

The child peered through the window to confirm his mother was still nearby before staring at the silver badge on Jamie's uniform. "Mason," he whispered eventually.

"Mason...that's a great name," Jamie smiled. "You doing okay, Mason?"

"Yeah," he answered right away.

"What school do you go to?"

"PS 51," Mason offered as he nervously picked at the red blanket in his lap.

"That's not too far from here," Jamie commented as he noted the superhero pajama top that Mason seemed to have outgrown. "What grade are you in?"

"Second," he answered as he made eye contact with the nice police officer.

"So that makes you about seven, right?" Jamie guessed.

"Eight," Mason corrected, clearly insulted by the guesstimate.

"Oh, my bad," Jamie apologized as he fought to stifle a smile at the little boy's expression. "Do you like school?"

"It's okay," Mason shrugged with another quick glance at his mother.

"Bet you can't wait for summer," Jamie said.

"I guess," he responded vaguely, more interested by whatever was going on outside.

Jamie moved on to more probing questions, hoping he would continue to answer them. "Everything okay with you and your mom, Mason?"

Mason looked down at the soft fleece bunched in his hands.

Jamie had hit a nerve based on the little boy's stiff posture. "Have you guys been sleeping in the car?" he asked directly, but maintained a soft, understanding tone to calm the boy down. "It's okay to tell me, bud. We're not going to hurt you," he promised. "It's our job to help you if we can."

Mason looked over to where his mother was still talking to the older officer before he gave Jamie a long, hard look to determine if he could trust him. Luckily for Jamie, Mason decided he probably could. "Mom says no one can know or she'll get in trouble. I don't want her to get in trouble," he whispered even though he was well out of his mother's earshot.

Jamie nodded, understanding very well about having to keep your mouth shut to spare your mother any trouble. But he sensed that Mason didn't have to keep secrets for the same reasons he had to. "Is she a good mom, Mason?"

"Yes," he nodded without any hesitation, quicker than Jamie would have ever been able to spew out an answer like that without the guilt that came from telling such a lie.

"The best?" Jamie questioned playfully. Mason nodded emphatically as his face lit up, assuring Jamie he was not lying. "Did you have plenty to eat tonight before you went to sleep?" he asked.

"Yeah. We had grilled cheese sandwiches and fries. Those are my favorite!" Mason shared.

Jamie laughed at the enthusiasm of that response, it reminded him of Sean whenever he swooned over Sunday dinner. "I love grilled cheese sandwiches too and you mentioning them makes me want one right now. I might have to have one for breakfast."

"That's not breakfast!" Mason argued.

"Hmm, you're right...lunch then," he conceded. "Alright, buddy, you stay here, I'm going to go talk to your mom and my partner," he advised the little boy, deciding he could make a pretty accurate guess about what was happening here. Jamie closed the door and joined Renzulli and Mason's mother.

"You can't sleep in your car, especially with your kid. There are shelters - "

"I can't go there," Stacey argued.

"Why?" Renzulli asked. "That's what they're there for."

Stacey looked between the two cops when the younger one joined them. "Officers, please. I don't want any trouble...," she begged as her eyes began to grow wet.

"You're afraid of someone calling CPS," Jamie stated.

Stacey wiped at her eyes as she nodded, ashamed by her situation.

"We're not calling Child Protective Services," Jamie said, earning himself a frown from his partner. "Mason appears well taken care of," he explained to Renzulli before turning to the woman, "but it looks like he's outgrowing his PJs."

"He's growing like a weed. Feels like every time I turn around, he's sprouted another inch," Stacey replied.

"Kids do that. But they also need a roof over their head," Renzulli remarked with a stern look aimed at his partner.

"I'm trying. My old landlord increased my rent, neither my roommate nor I could afford it. And it was hard finding a place on my income alone. I went down to the housing commission and applied for housing but I'm still waiting for it to come through...it's taking longer than I thought and when I had to leave the apartment, we stayed with different friends, but they have families of their own and it isn't always good for them. Sometimes we stay in cheap motels for a night here or there when we have no other place to go, but I couldn't swing it tonight. This is the first time this has ever happened, I swear," Stacey pleaded her case, hoping they'd take pity on her and let her move on without reporting her.

"What about Mason's father?" Jamie questioned.

"He's not around, never has been," Stacey confessed.

"Alright, well if you update your situation with the housing commission, let them know you're homeless with a child, it will bring you to the top of the list," Jamie suggested.

"I was afraid," Stacey said.

"Of getting reported," Jamie finished.

"Yes," she confirmed.

Renzulli knew what he should do but he had a feeling his partner might have other ideas. Instead of confirming his suspicions in front of the woman, he decided to pull Jamie aside first. "Alright. Give us a minute. You stay right there."

"Can I check on my son?"

"Yeah, open the door but stay outside," Renzulli instructed her as he stepped over to the RMP.

"What are you thinking, sarge?" Jamie asked first.

"I was just about to ask you the same thing, but since you asked...first, she can't stay on the street with her kid in the backseat and if she's got no where to go with him, it's not something we can ignore."

"We can't report her to child services. They may take Mason from her until she gets into housing," Jamie countered as he tried to discourage Renzulli from making that call.

"Maybe that's for the best. You of of all people should get that," Renzulli pointed out

"I do. But even when CPS got called in on Sherry, nothing ever happened. She had a roof over my head and fooled everyone about everything else. She doesn't seem like that type, sarge, and we could do more damage than good by calling CPS in," Jamie argued. "Trust me."

Renzulli hated when the damn kid was right, if it really was a one time thing, CPS could step in and cause the woman and child more headache than it was worth. But if they didn't and she was fooling them, Renzulli would hate himself for not stepping in and so would Jamie. But in the end, he decided to trust his partner's gut and his belief that there was some good in all people. "So what do you propose we do?"

"Aren't you friends with the guy that runs the 46th street shelter?" Jamie asked, relieved that he'd managed to convince him to hear him out.

"Yeah."

"Maybe we can take them over there, get them a couple of beds," he suggested.

Renzulli looked to the car where Stacey was speaking softly to her son, voicing his concern before they made any moves. "That might solve her problem for a night, but she needs to get into permanent housing. Chances are she'll find herself with no place to go again if she's just bouncing from place to place. And the next set of cops that find her might no be as forgiving."

"I know that, sarge. But let's get them a place to stay for the night at least," Jamie said while thinking of the calls he could make on his own to help get a more permanent roof over Mason's head.

"Alright, alright," Renzulli yielded but pointed a finger at his partner as he issued a warning. "But if we find her out on the street again, I'm calling CPS myself."

"Fine," Jamie agreed.

"Let me call Freddie at the shelter and make sure he's got room." Even as Renzulli was dialing the number to the shelter, he got the distinct feeling that there was another reason why Jamie was so determined to help the pair.

"Thanks, sarge," Jamie said with a smile of thanks as he turned back to speak to Stacey about their accommodations for the night and make some recommendations of his own to make sure Renzulli didn't find them out here again.

* * *

Linda looked around her kitchen checking items off her dinner 'to do' list - the water was on its way to a boil for the pasta, the bolognese sauce was simmering on the stove and the garlic bread was ready for the oven. With everything done until the rest of the family got home, she decided a nice cup of coffee was deserved and was just watching the single-cup brewer fill her favorite mug when a knock sounded at the door. "Right on time, like always," she smiled to herself as she headed toward the door to greet her brother-in-law. "Hey, Jamie! Come on in!"

"Hey, Linda," Jamie replied with a quick peck on her cheek as he spotted two brown boxes stacked next to the front door. "Is this the stuff?"

"That's all of it," Linda confirmed as she closed the door behind him. "I didn't realize there was so much until you asked about it."

"Thanks again for letting me come grab it," Jamie said.

"No problem, Jamie. Sean out grew most of the clothes a while ago, his growth is just off the charts. I forgot I had it and never got around to donating it. What's it for anyway? Is there a drive at the precinct or something?" she questioned.

"No, not a drive," Jamie said as he slipped his hands into his pockets. "Renzulli and I came across this homeless family, a mom and her son, sleeping in their car. Mason, he just turned eight, and looked like he'd outgrown his clothes and money is tight for them."

Linda's expression softened as he described the unfortunate situation. "That's a tough place to be in. I can't imagine not having anywhere to go with your own child to take care of, but it's a good thing you're doing, Jamie, every little bit helps. If I come across anything else that they can use, I'll let you know," she said. Linda walked back to the kitchen when the scent of coffee reminded her that she had a fresh cup waiting for her. She signaled Jamie to follow her. "Do you want to stay for dinner? Danny should be home with the boys in half an hour," she offered as she brought the steaming mug to her lips for a sip.

Jamie's brow furrowed as he quickly contemplated how to get out of this one. Normally he'd say yes to a home-cooked meal, especially one that smelled so good already, but he preferred to avoid anymore conflicts with his older brother. "Uh...nah, I can't. I want to try and get this stuff back to Mason and his mom tonight." That part was at least true.

Linda easily picked up on the real qualm as the two brothers had been butting heads lately; she'd definitely heard some rumblings from her husband as of late. She loved Danny dearly and knew how fiercely he loved his siblings too, but his desire to make his bothers bullet-proof because of their occupations had a tendency to rub them the wrong way. "Then how about a quick cup of coffee with your favorite sister-in-law?" she suggested with a coy smile.

"You're my only sister-in-law," Jamie chuckled.

"Even better, I don't have anyone trying to take my title!"

Jamie smiled, but he seemed hesitant to even do that.

"Oh, come on. I just made myself a cup and we hardly ever get to talk. Your more talkative siblings usually take over the dinner conversation on Sundays," she said.

"You got that right," he sighed and gave in at the expression she was giving him. "Alright. Just a quick cup."

"Great!" Linda exclaimed and got another cup brewing for him. "So how's work?" she asked as another mug began to fill.

"It's good," Jamie shrugged.

Linda decided she'd at least try to help smoothe things over between the brothers. "You know that seeing you with Danny now reminds me a lot of when Joe went on the force," she commented as she handed over his coffee. "Danny wanted to teach him everything he had learned on the job already and he wants to teach you everything he knows too," Linda added as she led him to the dining room table.

"Yeah, he's made that pretty clear," Jamie said as he took a seat at the end of the table, hoping that he was able to adequately hide his feelings on that subject matter. He didn't think Danny would take too kindly to him venting to his own wife.

But Linda was on to him. She'd never discussed it directly with Jamie, but she could only assume that adjusting to life as a member of this family when he was raised so differently was difficult. He always had to fend for himself with very limited to no support from others, so someone else constantly telling you how to do things differently and better, according to their own opinion, might come off more like criticism than helpful advice from a concerned family member, especially with Danny's personality. "Listen, Jamie, I know Danny can be a little rough around the edges sometimes - "

Jamie bit his tongue, literally, this was his brother's wife after all.

"Okay, too much sometimes," she corrected with a smirk at the restraint he was displaying, "but he means well. Your brother's got a big heart and it's how he shows he cares."

Jamie was getting uncomfortable, he felt like letting the floodgates open but he didn't want to put Linda in the middle of it. "I should probably get going, I got a test tomorrow," he said without thinking as he was desperate for any legitimate reason to get out of the house with donated clothing that brought him here.

"Test?" Linda frowned in confusion. "Renzulli giving you pop quizzes in the car now or something?" she quipped.

Jamie's eyes widened at his slip of the tongue. "Oh, I didn't mean test...I don't know what I was thinking. Just got a lot to do," he babbled as he tried getting himself out from under Linda's narrowed gaze.

"Jameson Reagan...what are you up to?" she inquired.

"Nothing," he squeaked with a shake of his head.

"You're a terrible liar," she commented as she was struck by a thought. "Huh..."

"What?" Jamie asked, fearing he wasn't getting out of here without telling the truth or before Danny got back with the boys.

"Interesting...you Reagan brothers all share the same tell when you panic over getting caught in a lie - your voices all go back up to your pre-puberty pitch," she stated, having been on receiving end of the very same reaction from Danny and having witnessed the same with Joe.

"That's not," Jamie began before pausing to clear his throat and ensure his tone was calm and even, "that's not true."

"Come on! What gives?!" she demanded.

"You're not going to let it go, are you?" Jamie worried.

"Nope. Might even have to ask Danny if something's up with you," she threatened.

Jamie's eyes widened in alarm. The last thing he needed was Danny on his back because he thought he was in trouble. "You wouldn't!"

"No. I wouldn't," Linda said. "Well, actually I would if my gut was telling me you were in some kind of trouble, but I'm not getting that vibe. You're just keeping some kind of secret."

"Maybe," Jamie hedged.

"Spill!"

"Alright! Jeez...but you gotta swear, Linda Reagan, on a stack of bibles that you won't tell anyone!" Jamie ordered. "Not even dad knows!"

Linda frowned at that and almost began to worry he was in some sort of trouble. "Really? Not even Frank?"

"Swear it!" Jamie repeated.

"I swear!" Linda said as she held up her right hand, but she refused to search the house for a stack of bibles.

Jamie looked her in the eye for a moment before letting out a breath and sharing his secret. "I went back to school."

Linda's brow creased as her lips stretched into a small smile, relieved that it wasn't anything bad but confused as to why it was a secret. "For real?"

"Yes," he nodded.

"That's great! Where and for what?" Linda asked excitedly as she went back to sipping her coffee.

Jamie re-took his seat and palmed his own cooling mug. "Masters in forensic health counseling at John Jay."

"Awww...that's Joe's alma mater. And forensic health counseling? How'd you decide on that?" she asked curiously as she waited to get all of the details.

Jamie shrugged and stared down at the dark liquid in his cup. "Like Danny says, I like all of the psychology crap."

Linda reached out to gently squeeze his wrist. "Don't listen to your brother about that. That psychology crap, like he calls it, is important for what you do. You come across people when they're usually at the lowest point in their lives. Knowing how to deal with them is important to make sure everyone involved can get out of those situations safely."

"I think so too," Jamie said as he looked up at her.

"Are you thinking of leaving the force when you get your degree?"

"I could, couldn't I? Work as a counselor somewhere..."

"You'd be excellent at that, Jamie," she smiled. Jamie had the patience and the heart to do a lot of good as a counselor.

"Maybe," he said. "And even though I don't see myself making detective while dad's at 1PP, leaving the force hasn't crossed my mind once. This has been an interest of mine and it would be nice if I could do something within the department with what I'm learning...but that's a long way off. This is just my first semester."

"And I'm sure you will someday," Linda said. She had no doubts that Jamie would go far no matter what he did. "Good for you, but why don't you want anyone to know?"

Jamie sighed and rolled his eyes. "'Cause Danny is Danny and Erin would try to convince me to get a law degree instead. And dad? He'd want to jump in and pay for it. Things are just easier when I do them on my own," he explained.

Linda nodded, but she understood the real reason. "It's what you're used to."

Jamie shrugged.

"I promise I won't tell anyone, but don't sell everyone short. They'd all respect your choices and be proud of whatever you do. I am already," she said with a pat of his hand.

"Thanks, Linda," Jamie smiled.

"You're welcome. Now how about you reconsider my offer for dinner?" she asked, hoping he'd stay to share a meal with them.

"I really do have an exam tomorrow," he replied.

"Alright, I believe you, but you better not bring home anything less than an A," she said in the tone she normally reserved for the boys and their studies.

"I'll do my best," Jamie chuckled.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

 _I think dad's psychic or something, I really do. Can't get anything by him (not that I ever have) and he's picking up on the fact that something's bothering me which is really a problem (and kind of annoying) because he's my penultimate boss and my issue is with the job. If I got a problem with work_ _, as much as I'd like to go to him for advice - just rookie to vet - I can't...can I? Dad's big on chain of command and not giving his kids preferential treatment and I don't want anyone saying I'm going to daddy anytime I have a problem. I don't want to be that guy. So it makes me rethink what I should and should not go to him with when it comes to the department. I'm not a kid anymore who needs his father to hold his hand, I know I have to stand on my own two feet and figure things out on my own and make a name for myself without dad's input or influence, but sometimes a vet's insight is invaluable._

 _The title just blurs the line, because he was always the one we'd go to with a problem. With work, it means trying extra hard to figure things out on my own. But th_ _at doesn't mean that I'll forget that he's there for me, he's always stressed that family comes before the job and it's true, it always has been that way with him. There's no doubt that he'll always do what he can to fix whatever is wrong. Which makes me wonder if he's helping mom with whatever's going on with her these days. She's been distracted...a little sad maybe which makes me worry. Any time I ask her if she's okay, I get the same forced smile with an 'I'm fine, honey.' I don't believe her, but I just can't figure it out, neither can Erin and Danny. It's almost that same sadness she had when you left us...that date's coming up though, so maybe that's it - another reminder of the painful past. If we've noticed it, I'm sure dadhas to since he's been a little more attentive with her which is good to see. They trust each other explicitly...hope I have that someday._

* * *

"Hey, dad," Jamie called out as he joined his father down at the end of the pier. He was 15 minutes early and yet his father was already here with both fishing rods ready to go.

Frank turned and smiled at his youngest as he picked up his rod. "Jamie, hey. Glad you could make it today, son."

Jamie had to unexpectedly cancel their their plans to meet up yesterday, but his father had insisted on pushing their outing to the following day if he was available. "Sorry about yesterday," he apologized as he went for his own rod and prepared to cast the line just as his father was doing now. No one would guess by the way Jamie quickly whipped the rod back and then forward, smoothly casting the line out into the choppy bay with ease, that he was still a fishing novice. He'd been a natural after only a few outings and that pleased Frank to no end, taking pleasure in the fact that it was another way for them to spend time together and bond.

"No problem. I remember how it was," Frank said as he gazed out across the waters, his smiling eyes hidden behind dark shades to shield them from the bright sun.

"How what was?" Jamie asked, mirroring his father's stance.

"To be young and have better things to do than meet up with your old man," Frank smirked.

"Not better," Jamie responded with a smile of his own. "There's just a lot going on," he explained without providing more detail.

"So tell me about it," Frank prodded. "You've been preoccupied lately. Everything okay with work?" Frank's schedule had been full as of late as well and he and Jamie had not been able to connect in person the last several weeks aside from the regular family dinners. And even though they saw each other on Sundays, it was in the company of the rest of the family and Frank knew how important it was to get some regular one on one time with his youngest son. But despite his own busy schedule, he had noticed that Jamie also seemed to have a lot going on over the past month. And it was for that reason that this time together was necessary as Jamie still found it difficult to share his private thoughts in front of a large audience.

"Yeah, everything's fine," Jamie shrugged. "Work's good."

"So what's got you busy?" Frank pressed. "Even your grandfather's noticed that you don't come over as much during the week. Of course, he's hoping you got a nice young lady occupying your time," he added, his tone light and teasing with the last sentence.

Jamie chuckled as he shook his head. "No, there's no girl," he denied.

Frank nodded, returning the smile. "So there's no girl and work's good..."

"You seem to be doing more than one type of fishing," Jamie accused with a raised brow.

"What can I say? I'm an inquisitive guy. I was a detective once, you know," he jested.

"You don't say?" Jamie played along.

"Yes. And I was real good at it to," Frank declared.

Jamie laughed quietly as he adjusted the grip on his rod. "Of that I have no doubt."

"And my gut's telling me something's up with you...something you're choosing to keep to yourself," Frank commented, hoping to draw out whatever Jamie was hiding. He was concerned that his son might be in some sort of trouble and he wanted to help, never fathoming that Jamie's secret was something he would be proud of.

"Dad," Jamie sighed. He wasn't surprised by where this conversation was headed; he knew it was only a matter of time before his overly concerned father would come questioning his busy schedule and Jamie's mind scrambled to find a way to appease him since he still preferred to keep his classes to himself. And from the worry on his face, he could see that he was fearing the worst.

"Just hear me out," Frank requested.

"Okay." Jamie looked out across the waters to avoid the concerned looks, otherwise he would cave and come clean.

"Jamie, you have every right to your privacy, Lord knows you deserve it after the last year. I just hope you know that you don't have to keep everything to yourself. I know it's what you're used to and I don't blame you for that, but we're here for you now, to just talk or to help if there's anything you need," Frank advised gently.

"I know that," Jamie replied automatically.

"Do you really?" Frank pressed and waited for Jamie to look him in the eyes, which he did when he finally answered.

"Yes." Jamie did know that but he also knew there were things going on in his life and stuff on his mind that could cause ripples if he made them known. If he were in real trouble, he would go to his family, but there was no need for that with this...at least he didn't think there was.

Frank nodded in response and turned back toward the bay. He was still certain that there was something Jamie wasn't telling them and he was disappointed that his son still wasn't completely comfortable coming to them, but he decided not to push too hard should that only send the boy running in the other direction. "So I heard you collected some of the boys' old clothes," he commented casually.

Jamie struggled to keep his expression neutral, fearing that Linda had said something to the family about their conversation. However, he was unable to keep the strain out of his voice which was not missed by his father. "News travels fast in this family."

Frank decided that was something worth exploring based on Jamie's reaction. "How is that news?"

"It's not," Jamie corrected, suddenly sensing that maybe Linda had in fact kept her promise. "It's just funny how everything gets around in this family."

"Well, your grandfather called her up to ask for donations for the church's White Elephant and she mentioned that she'd already given Sean's hand-me-downs to you," Frank explained.

"It's for a kid Renzulli and I found on the street one night with his mother," Jamie explained when his father's unspoken questions lingered between them.

"Homeless?" Frank guessed.

"Hopefully not for long," Jamie said, happy to move the conversation away from the topics that he preferred remain private. "The mom couldn't afford her rent anymore and has been bouncing around from place to place while she waits on housing to come through," he explained.

"Is there anything I can do?" Frank asked.

Jamie was surprised by his father's offer. He had thought about asking him for help and assumed that he must have some sort of 'in' with the housing commissioner. But he reconsidered when he remembered that his father was not a fan of giving people preference over others through his connections and position. So he had figured out another way to hopefully get the same results, it had just had taken some research, reassurances and him accompanying Stacey to her appointment with the housing commission to get it done. The results would not be immediate, but Stacey and Mason should have a place to call home within a few weeks and Stacey had been true to her word so far and made arrangements to stay with friends until an apartment was located for them. "I wouldn't want to bother you with that. Besides, I went down to the housing commission with her. Her new status got her moved up to the top of the list, she had been afraid to let them know that."

Frank pursed his lips, understanding well the reason why. "In case they reported her to child services."

Jamie nodded.

"That's a tough situation to be in. Sounds like you're helping her get her life in order just fine...that's above and beyond your duties," Frank added, also understanding the reason for that.

"I just want to help," Jamie claimed.

Frank had no doubt about that. "It's a good thing you're doing. Does the fact that it's a single mom and her young son have anything to do with it?"

 _It certainly doesn't take a genius to figure that out_ , Jamie thought to himself. "Partly," he admitted, before adding, "but it's not the same. The mother, Stacey, actually works hard and loves her son...she fell on hard times and living in a car or shelters is not what she wants for him." Jamie paused for a moment to reconsider what he was about to share from his past, not because he was ashamed but because he didn't want anyone else feeling responsible for it. And considering what he was keeping secret these days, it was strange that he actually felt like revealing this part of life. But if there was a benefit to sharing bits and pieces of his childhood, it was to prove that it had made him the person he was today. Although Jamie often forgot that his father, above everyone else, didn't need reminders of that. "But it was seeing them sleeping in their car that hit a little too close to home."

"What do you mean?" Frank asked worriedly as his stomach clenched in fear of what Jamie could be referring to.

"It reminded me of when Sherry and I were in the same boat," he revealed.

Frank's heart sank, not wanting to believe that his Jamie could have gone through that very same thing. "What?" he rasped as he turned, lowering the rod in his hands.

"It was only once, a long time ago," Jamie assured his father at the look of horror he was receiving.

Frank appreciated Jamie's attempt to soothe him, but it wasn't okay, not even if it was only once as Jamie claimed. "When?" he asked, wanting to know every detail while wishing he could wring that woman's neck yet again.

Jamie began reeling in his line as he spoke. "I was 9 and the landlord kicked us out of our apartment because Sherry was behind on rent. I guess she must have been a lot behind because we had a sheriff's deputy knocking on our door one day to serve her with eviction papers. Knowing her, she probably kept the landlord at bay with a bunch of empty promises until she just never came through like usual."

Frank was stunned, unable to imagine his child living on the street. "How long?"

"Three nights, then she got the next government check - that was really her only income at that point because she had stopped working real jobs by then and was hitting up every public assistance program she could. We went to some flea bag motel for a few nights after that before we got into the government housing that we'd been on a wait list for," Jamie said. It had been scary at the time, Jamie would not deny that, but it had happened and Jamie was really grateful that it had only been that one time. He learned to really appreciate having a roof over his head because of that experience even if the many places he and Sherry called home left a lot to be desired.

"So you slept in a car?" Frank said after swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Yeah. She found some dark residential neighborhood most cops wouldn't even go to during the day to make sure the police wouldn't bother her. I'll never forget that first night, it was scary because it was dark and we were alone out there, but more so because I didn't know if that was how it was going to be from then on. It wasn't like Sherry was the reassuring type and she didn't tell me much, but I'd overhear everything so I usually just figured everything out on my own," Jamie said as he squinted into the setting sun and prepared to recast his line. "Anyway, I don't want to see any other kid go through that. I still remember the deputy that served the papers. He took a look at me and tried helping. I overheard him suggesting some places we could go but Sherry was too stubborn and didn't want to make it seem like we were homeless in case he snitched to CPS. She told them we had family in the city to stay with and they left. I knew well enough not to say anything or complain. It was better to keep quiet."

Frank looked back out over the bay, saddened by Jamie's revelation and that at such a young age, his son had to keep his mouth shut and accept whatever situation Sherry Riordan put them in. Now he really understood Jamie wanting to reach out to help. He was mistaken, however, in thinking that this reminder of childhood adversity was the reason for Jamie being so preoccupied as of late.


	13. Chapter 13

Happy Halloween everyone! Did a little TRICO TRI (as my mother only knows how to say) with DD and just now coming off the sugar high :D Time to post!

Chapter 13

 _I feel like a kid who can't sleep the night before the first day of school, kept awake by the excitement that comes with advancing to the next grade, meeting new kids and teachers, and desperately wanting to impress them. That's what's going on with me, I couldn't sleep and got up to write about it in my journal... because I'm 14 and going to my first day of high school all over again._

 _I'll be the freshman as far as everyone in the Brooklyn Robbery Squad is concerned, that shiny, new gold shield on my belt will just be something else to draw everyone's attention to me as if the last name wasn't enough. I've been working for this a long time and I'm ready to do the same good work gramps and dad did and that Danny is doing now. I'm determined not to let my name change how anyone else sees or treats me. But I'm not worried about what anyone else says or thinks even though Danny warned me to watch out for some of the older detectives, the ones that are smug and cocky and either have a chip on their shoulders or are put off by new blood on top of the Reagan name, the same ones who will assume I'm not there because I earned my shield. Screw all of those guys, I going to stay true to myself and go with my gut...it's always served me well._

* * *

Jamie curled his finger around the hook of the wire hanger as he swung his freshly dry cleaned uniform shirt over his shoulder while he strode through the hallway of the precinct. He was just passing his sergeant's empty office when he saw the man hurrying toward him from the other end of the hall. "Hey, sarge."

"Reagan!" Renzulli said, waving his hand at his soon to be ex-partner and motioning him to follow along. "Just the man I'm looking for. Come on, walk with me."

"Hey, if this is about me getting a new partner, I get it and I'm ready. It's not like I can keep you out of trouble forever," Jamie joked. Renzulli had been preparing him for weeks for the inevitable, as if he needed time to prepare for it. But he was speaking the truth, he was ready and had been excited last night thinking about finally getting cut loose to fly on his own...or at least with a new partner. Of course he would miss Renzulli and he would always consider him a mentor, but he was ready to be on equal footing with his new partner as opposed to the rookie-training officer relationship he had with Renzulli.

"Ha! And he's a comedian too," Renzulli scoffed. "As a matter of fact, it is about your new partner. I wanted to introduce you to him."

"Oh, yeah?" Jamie replied, his eyes widening in anticipation.

"Renzulli!"

"Ah, geez," the older man said under his breath as a senior officer belted out his name from down the hall, as it always seemed to happen when he was in the middle of something. "I gotta take care of this. I'll get back to you," he told Jamie as he turned to deal with his superior first.

"Yeah, boss," Jamie replied, slightly disappointed that he would have to wait a little longer to learn the identity of his new partner. He headed to the locker room to get ready, figuring that the faster he was dressed, the sooner he could find Renzulli and get back to the business of finding out who he'd be riding with from now on. Jamie hadn't even opened the door to the locker room when deep laughter roared from the other side. He smirked as he walked in and found some of his colleagues surrounding an unfamiliar, half-dressed Latino officer who was in the middle of a belly laugh as the others did the same.

"Get out of here!" one of the other officers exclaimed.

The Latino man straightened up to continue with the story he was clearly not done telling. Jamie stepped over to his locker and watched curiously from the corner of his eye.

"I told them straight up, 'Your collar, your puddle.' You know what I'm saying? It's a new slogan of mine, I swear," he snickered as he held up his right hand in the air.

"That's a great story, man."

"Best part of the story is...I returned the phone to the blonde," he continued, peppering the climax of his tale with dramatic pauses as his lips stretched out into a smug smile. "And when I did...she thanked me... _all_ night long." The laughter erupted again as the newcomer continued to boast. "It had to be done. You know what I mean?"

Jamie smiled tightly, not one to normally take part in that kind of talk, but he wasn't a wet blanket either. In this instance, he preferred to just mind his own business. It was as he was getting himself ready for tour that he was finally noticed by the new officer. Jamie looked up when he felt a pair of eyes trained on him and politely acknowledged the other man. "Hey."

The officer looked him over, his eyes narrowing in what Jamie knew to be recognition. "Hey, we didn't meet. I'm Vinny Cruz," he introduced himself while extending his right hand.

Ever well-mannered, Jamie shook his hand firmly despite the scrutiny he could feel coming from Cruz. Danny said he needed to stop being so paranoid, but he'd been through this enough times to know what people were thinking when they realized who he was. "Hey. Jamie Reagan," he said, immediately spotting the subtle nod as Cruz realized was right in his assumption...it was the same reaction every time.

"Oh, yeah," Vinny droned while turning back to his locker with a knowing smile as if he'd just assessed Jamie with one quick glance.

"That was some story," Jamie remarked to hide his irritation.

"Yeah, the, uh, 3-5 was a madhouse. You know, real busy, but a lot of laughs," Vinny replied with a wide grin.

"So you're down here now?" Jamie asked, hoping this was just a temporary assignment of some sort. Something about Vinny Cruz rubbed him the wrong way. If he stopped to think about it, Jamie would have realized that he had judged Vinny about as quickly as Vinny had assessed him.

"I am, transferred to the Midtown Country Club, effective today," he quipped.

Jamie turned to his locker in case his disappointment was evident but carried on, feeling the need to defend his house. "Well, we may not be as busy as the 3-5, but, uh, we see our share of the action, too, right, guys?"

Vinny smirked at the obvious nerve he'd struck. Guys always got sensitive when others dissed their house, even in jest, but he didn't want to start off on the wrong foot with the PC's kid and a part of him cursed the fact that he would have to watch himself if and when he got near Jamie Reagan. Vinny always had trouble using the filter between his brain and his mouth, but he couldn't change who he was. "I know. I'm just busting chops, man. But it was real good to meet you," he forced himself to say as he turned away to continue getting dressed.

"Yeah, you, too," Jamie uttered, glad to finally turn away as well. Unfortunately for the two men, their sergeant shattered all hopes that they would only occasionally cross paths in and around the precinct when he entered the locker room several minutes later as the two men were preparing to head over to roll call.

"Oh, alright. You're both here," Renzulli stated as he saw them standing across from each other. "Okay, good. You two guys meet?" he asked while pointing a finger between Jamie and Vinny.

The two officers looked at each other with uncertainty before turning back to their CO as dread began to settle in the pits of their stomachs.

"Yeah."

"We did."

"Alright, well, let's make it official," Renzulli grinned as he made the sign of the cross between the pair, as if solidifying their new partnership. "By the power vested in me, I pronounce the two of you partners." Renzulli's grin stretched wider at the shock on his officers' faces, but he had too much on his plate to read further into their expressions so he turned around, leaving them to stare back at his retreating form.

* * *

The first hour of their swing tour had been quiet...deathly quiet as neither Jamie nor Vinny had known what to say to each other that didn't involve official police business and with no calls received yet, that left nothing else for them to say, especially after Vinny had beaten Jamie to the motor pool and declared to the world that he preferred to drive.

Vinny glanced over at his new partner, wondering what was in store for him with the commissioner's son riding in the car with him every day for the foreseeable future. So far, it had been real boring with neither of them willing to be the first to just say what they were both thinking...or what Vinny thought they were both thinking. He mistook Jamie's silence and stiff posture for discomfort over his notoriety, so he decided he'd be a good partner and help break the ice. Plus, he had to make nice anyway, it might look good to have a Reagan as a partner; he wouldn't mind any perks that came from this assignment. "I gotta say it, man. Let's just get it over with...I mean, it's like the big blue elephant in the room. Am I right?" he started with only momentary glimpses away from the traffic around them as he maneuvered their vehicle through the streets.

Jamie had been staring out through the window, wondering if there was a set amount of time before he could request a new partner. It wasn't like him to be ready to give up on something before it even began, otherwise his life would be very different than it was today. But his gut was telling him that his partnership with the new transferee wasn't going to have a happy ending. "What is?" he asked when his partner's voice cut through his thoughts.

"Come on! I see you over there wondering what I know," Vinny assumed incorrectly. "But don't worry, I heard your whole story on the news and through scuttlebutt, so it's not like I'll be asking you for details or anything."

"My whole story?" Jamie repeated back incredulously. He had a real problem with anyone thinking they knew 'his story' from a few sensationalized news segments or through office gossip. And did Cruz really think he was about to go into his life's story with him? It wasn't his damn business!

"Yeah, man!" Vinny replied, blind to Jamie's growing ire. But once Vinny got his mouth going, it was hard to stop. "It's actually pretty wild...forget about all the other stuff with your mother, but you ended up at the NYPD working for your father without ever knowing it!"

"Jesus," Jamie said under his breath as he fisted his hands in his lap, praying that he could keep from punching his new partner out. If he did, it would probably only make Danny proud.

"I know, man," Vinny replied, mistaking his partner's hiss for agreement with his comment. "But it's cool that you made your way home...good for you. And now you're the most famous cop in the department aside from your dad," Vinny continued to blabber as he located a spot to park their RMP, his lips stretching into a wide smile as a thought hit him. "I bet you have no trouble attracting the ladies what with your face being in the news almost every day. They already like a guy in uniform, right? But with that whole little-boy-lost-and-found story you got to tell, you probably have girls jumping into your lap! Just don't worry about sending the overflow my way, partner," Vinny snorted as he opened his door and got out, leaving Jamie speechless at the garbage he'd just heard come out of his mouth.

* * *

Things had not improved much from there. But the silence had truly been shattered after they reported to a residential building to help knock on some doors to hunt down a robbery suspect. The night had gone to hell after one of their colleagues mistakenly shot a civilian exiting the rear of the building who, coincidentally, had been dressed in a white dress shirt and jeans just like their perp.

The civilian died from his gunshot wound and it turned into a major disaster for the Department. The officer, David Blake, only had a few years on the job and he'd panicked when he was surprised by James Greer as he exited through the rear of the building. As a result, an innocent man lost his life and the public wanted his head on a platter for it.

His father was in a bind because of the situation, that was for certain. And the tension between Jamie and Vinny only cranked up several notches when the commissioner went before the media to say a few words on his officer's behalf which turned into an apology for the loss of James Greer's life. Now it seemed that every cop in town had an issue with the PC's response to the incident, feeling like he'd hung them out to dry by taking the public's side. Jamie understood that wasn't what he had done at all, Blake had panicked and shot first...yes, it was a horrible mistake, but how could the department not take some sort of responsibility for that? Aside from that, his father could relate to the loss and even though words were meaningless at a time like this, he needed the family to know that he understood what they were going through.

No one seemed to get that though, least of all his partner who now saw him as the enemy, especially after the union president's public call for a vote of no confidence in the commissioner. But it all came to a head when Blake barricaded himself in his own home, threatening to take his own life as the guilt of his actions ate away at him.

 _The residential street was blocked in both directions by patrol and emergency vehicles._ _Every available patrol officer from the 12th stood outside of Blake's house along with SWAT, ESU and the brass, all hoping and praying that their colleague could be convinced to put his weapon down and come out safely. Jamie stood apart from his partner and colleagues; he didn't miss the way they would stare him down but he refused to wilt at the disgust in their eyes. As far as they were concerned, he was guilty by association for the situation Blake had put himself in today. The feeling around the department was that the PC had sold them out with his apology. Jamie had yet to say anything on the matter, in fact, he had kept his mouth shut all together but that only seemed to increase everyone's ire with him and his father. But it was the self-righteous smirk from his partner as he glanced in his direction while whispering to another officer that did him in...Jamie couldn't keep his mouth shut any longer. They could think whatever they wanted about him, but he was determined to set them straight about one thing, so Jamie_ _stomped over to his partner with his jaw set in anger._

 _Vinny stiffened as Jamie approached, quickly wiping the grin off his face. "Hey."_

 _Jamie ignored the pleasantries and gave his partner a cold glare. "You can tell your buddies they can stop whispering._ _It's not like I don't know what they're saying."_

 _"Oh, yeah? What are they saying?" Vinny challenged, daring him to admit his own father's disloyalty to his men._

 _"That my father shouldn't have apologized publically," Jamie replied, not willing to back down._

 _"And he didn't have to admit we got it wrong," Vinny added, surprised that Reagan had the cajones to do this here in front of the other guys. He was hoping the guy would stop with the blind loyalties to 1PP and join the consensus._

 _Jamie's temper rose at Vinny's tone, he was obviously expecting him to cave to the pressure, but that couldn't be farther from what was about to happen. "But we did get it wrong!"_

 _Vinny gritted his teeth, even he knew that Blake screwed up by shooting that guy, but you always stuck with your brothers in blue. "And he had to shout it from a mountaintop?" he countered._

 _"You prefer he sweep it under the rug?" Jamie asked, not understanding what Vinny wanted his father to do._

 _"I'd rather he choose us over them," Vinny said._

 _"Who's 'them'?" Jamie huffed._

 _"Anybody not wearing blue," Vinny stated._

 _Jamie looked back in confusion...he only had a few years on the job, but even he was smart enough to know everything wasn't black and white and they couldn't ignore their own mistakes for the sake of keeping morale up among the ranks. What kind of example would that set?_

 _Vinny continued when Jamie didn't respond. "Look, where I come from, all we got out here is each other._ _And if a fellow cop don't got your back, nobody does."_

 _That's it, Jamie thought to himself. There was no point in trying to make his new partner or any of the other guys understand the bad position this had put their commissioner in. H_ _e might as well make sure they knew one thing about Frank Reagan, something even he knew before they publicly shared a last name. "Let's be straight," he began as he took one step closer to Vinny as the officers around them straightened up, preparing to break up a tussle should things escalate. "_ _You're not high on me, I'm not high on you, b_ _ut get this much clear: there's no cop that has ever backed his men more than my father._ _And if anybody says otherwise, they're gonna have to answer to me."_

 _The two partners stared each other down for a few seconds before Vinny finally took a step back and turned to the scene still playing out before them. Jamie's chest rose and fell with each breath, never feeling more protective of the man he was lucky enough to call his father and boss._

Things remained strained between them after that day, but both men were stubborn and not willing to be the first to balk by putting in a request for another partner. The only thing Jamie knew for sure was that if he had indeed inherited the Reagan Irish stubborn gene, Vinny Cruz would be the first to run to Renzulli. Unfortunately for him, it meant that there would be many, many more quiet and tense tours in his future.

He really missed Renzulli.

* * *

 _Was anyone expecting_ _Vinny to show up in this? Hope I didn't make him too much of a jerk. He was a little brash in the beginning, but the guy really grew on me by the time the writers decided to do away with him._


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

 _So I've held off the writing about this because, let's face it, I would have sounded like a girl waxing poetic in my journal (which Danny would totally claim is really a diary) about the young lady I've been dating. But I write about everything that's important in here and Angie's special, I know that much. We're still getting to know each other, but man, I can't get enough of those deep blue eyes of hers, her infectious laugh and she's just so beautiful._

 _Damn._

 _I do sound like a girl._

 _Whatever, it's nice to have someone to talk to outside of the family and nice to have someone to hold at the end of the day. I'm not going to jump ahead of myself by saying that she's the one, but she came to me at the right time, even with the added work and responsibility from my promotion to detective and mom's illness...I can't even think about that, I don't want to, because every time I do, it just makes me want to cry like a little baby. But it's hard not to talk about it when it's all I can think about, even when I try to think about the positive things in my life, like Angie._ _I don't even remember what I wrote in here when mom and dad broke the news and I don't think I'll ever look back at the entry from that day. It was the worst I've ever felt and the haunted looks on everyone's faces as mom and dad tried to remain positive by telling us everything would be okay was too much to take...it's a lot like we felt when you disappeared from the park and that was never okay, was it? Except that with you it's sudden and with mom...we just don't know right now._

 _Mom's going through her treatments and it kills us all to see her sick, but dad's right there next to her while she insists that Danny, Erin and I go on with our lives. She doesn't want us worrying and prefers not to even talk about it too much with us, but that doesn't mean we don't want to. I'm sure Linda's there for Danny, it's good that he has her. And Erin? Even if she'll never admit to it, I have a feeling that Jack's in the picture again. I can't fault her for that, I can't imagine not having Angie right now to listen to my worries and concerns and hug me tight when I need her to. S_ _he_ _is the breath of fresh air I need right now especially with that going on._

 _She may or may not be the future Mrs. Joseph Reagan, but she's what I need right now and God sent her my way for a reason._

* * *

Jamie tapped his fingers repeatedly against the linen-covered table of the downtown eatery as he nervously waited for his lunch date to arrive. As he stared out through the window, he thought again about their unexpected run-in down under the Williamsburg Bridge. He and Vinny had been making an arrest when he noticed some unusual activity up the street, but what specifically caught his attention were the two individuals wearing bright red, satin capes. Jamie had sent Vinny back to the RMP with their handcuffed perp while he investigated and that was how he came across Dana who had been handing out food and water to the homeless, the red capes were just part of the uniform the organization she volunteered for used to put those they were helping at ease.

It had been years since he'd last seen her. They first met through Sydney, Dana had gone through law school with his ex and clerked with her at the same New York City law firm while they studied for the bar. When he first started dating Sydney, he had been in the academy and even though the subject matter was different, Sydney had often invited him along to join her when she got together with her study group for no other reason than it gave them a chance to see each other during their already busy schedules. Often times, they were easily distracted from their studies; he and Sydney would sneak off to talk or the group as a whole would take extended breaks to shoot the breeze. Jamie relished their new relationship and the new, casual friendships he made so soon after moving to the city.

Dana had always been there, whether it was to study or to socialize with the group. But back then, he only had eyes for Sydney so it made seeing her again all the more shocking. He didn't remember how beautiful she was. What stood out to him back then was her wit and humor, which was what led him to call her after she handed him her business card on the side of the road, just before Vinny beckoned him back to the car.

"Jamie," Dana smiled as she navigated her way around the rows of tables in the cozy eatery. She was dressed up for work in a form fitting pencil skirt and a sheer silk blouse with her dark brown hair pulled to one side in a sleek, low ponytail. Despite the fact that he had been introduced to her as Jimmy Riordan, she was clearly aware of his situation and had spared him the trouble of correcting her when she addressed him by his true name both when they met under the bridge and here again, something that Jamie was grateful for as he preferred not to discuss his family situation during what he hoped would be a pleasant lunch date.

 _She looks amazing_ , Jamie thought to himself as he stood to greet her. "Hey, Dana. It's good to see you," he said, surprised by the quick, casual hug she gave him.

"You too, Jamie. Have you been waiting long?" Dana asked as she slid into the chair he had graciously pulled out for her.

Jamie settled back into his seat, returning the same bright smile that was still on her face. "Oh, no...I only just got here."

Dana let out a sigh of relief while laying her napkin across her lap. "I was afraid I was going to be late, I had some clients on a conference call who just wouldn't stop talking," she said.

"Hazard of your job," Jamie quipped.

"Yeah," Dana laughed, pausing to get another good look at him. "Gosh, I still can't believe we ran into each other."

"Down under the bridge is the last place I would have expected to see a big-time corporate lawyer like you," Jamie chuckled.

"The volunteer work makes me feel like I'm buying my soul back from Wall Street," Dana replied sheepishly.

Sydney's group of lawyer friends all went into corporate law, but he recalled that a few had aspirations to do something more with their careers. "Sydney once said that you had wanted to join legal aid," he commented.

"Yeah, well, that was before I really considered the student loan debt I had to pay off once I finished school," Dana said with a shake of her head.

"I hear you," Jamie agreed.

"Speaking of Sydney, I was really sorry to hear that you two broke things off. You guys were really good together," Dana sympathized.

"We were," Jamie nodded as his fingers turned the stem of the wine glass in front of him. "But she found the cop thing a little too much for her to deal with. I can't blame her though, the life's not for everyone."

"I guess," Dana remarked politely, believing that you could learn to deal with something like that for the right person. "Have you heard from her since?"

"Nah...I'm not even sure she's state side," Jamie answered. He really had no clue what she was up to. He'd thought of her several times after everything with his family came out, wondering what she would have thought of it all and wishing for her companionship during that trying time.

"She's not, at least not very often from what I've heard through mutual friends. We lost touch after I switched firms, but I hear she did real well in London and stayed on over there, but she comes to New York every so often when the firm asks her to handle something," Dana advised.

"Good for her," Jamie said. He really did wish the best for her.

"I admire what you do, you go out there and really make a difference in your line of work. But there must be some scary parts to your job," Dana commented.

"There are, but the good outweighs the bad. I just gotta stay alert and trust my partner to have my back," Jamie said. And even though he and Vinny were no where near being buddies, they had reached a silent and mutual agreement to keep things civil on the job for both of their sakes. There definitely were no beers being shared after work between them but they had each other's backs out in the field.

"Well," Dana drawled with a coy little smile, "if you're ever free, you can partner up with me and go hand out supplies to the homeless. I'm sure we got some extra tights somewhere."

Jamie laughed as he shook his head. "I'm not getting caught dead wearing spandex!"

"Bet you'd look so cute in tights and a cape," Dana teased.

"No tights," Jamie declared sternly although a grin remained on his face.

"Spoil sport," Dana pouted as a waiter approached to take their drink orders.

After an hour, two courses and a shared bottle of red wine, the reacquainted friends found themselves sharing a few memories after seemingly endless conversation about their interests and Dana's non-stop travel for work.

"Oh, jeez, old man Giordano, what a piece of work," Jamie snickered as he emptied the last of the wine into their glasses. "He always gave us a hard time for hanging out in his coffee shop 'til closing and not ordering enough off the menu."

"He was always nice to me," Dana defended the old man as she brought her now full glass to her lips.

"Yeah, and every other hot, young girl that went into his place," Jamie argued.

Dana pursed her lips to hide a smile. "So you thought I was hot?" she asked.

Jamie huffed out a laugh as a blush rose on his cheeks, lifting his own glass to hide his embarrassment while clearing his throat. "Will Scanlon, one of the guys in your old study group, I heard he's running for Congress now," he said, dodging the question even though part of him wanted to say yes.

Dana looked away shyly at his reaction, taking careful effort to bring her glass back down onto the table. "I know. He's been hitting me up for contributions for months," she retorted.

"I guess he knows better than to call anyone on a cop's salary," Jamie reasoned.

Dana smiled softly as she considered him once more. "I got to say, I really admire your choice in careers, Jamie. You help people, just like I always said I was gonna do."

Jamie nodded his thanks at her words. "You're doing good work with the Homeless Avengers."

"Just trying to do my part when I can," she shrugged. "The firm has me traveling so often to meet with clients, I have trouble remembering where I am most of the time," she remarked, playing down her charity work. It was nothing compared to what he or some others did.

"Well, I think it's great, every bit helps. You got to be careful, though. Some of those neighborhoods that you're working in aren't so great," he cautioned. He would hate to see her hurt.

"It's not like I'm alone. I got Arnie," she assured him.

"Okay," Jamie chuckled as he thought of the out of shape, middle-aged man that had been with Dana the day he first saw her on the street. He was sure Arnie was a nice guy, but he wasn't so certain of how much protection he could offer her if needed.

Dana scoffed at his response, but didn't want to argue about Arnie when a more important question was on her mind. "So, are you dating some sexy lady cop these days?" she asked with a teasing tone.

"Nope," Jamie said, ready to tease her back. "You sleeping your way to the top with some fat senior partner?"

"No," Dana said, feigning insult before a giggle burst from her lips. "It's not a bad idea, though," she said when her phone sounded in her purse causing a frown to cross her face when she saw the message on the screen. "Damn. I got to go, it's work," she lamented as she stood from her seat, wishing she had all afternoon to sit here talking to Jamie. "Let me get this," she offered while leaning over to reach for the check the waiter had left sometime ago.

Jamie beat her to it, covering it with his palm just in time to have her hand land on top of his. "No, please. I may be poor, but I still have my dignity," he joked.

Dana smiled as she leaned across the table toward him, her face just inches from his. "So, maybe I can pay you back with dinner sometime?"

The scent of her perfume was intoxicating and Jamie was struggling not to come across as overly-eager and desperate. "Sounds good...as long as you promise to wear that costume."

Dana's jaw dropped open for a moment before she smiled and slid forward the remaining few inches to drop a kiss on his cheek. "You're on," she whispered before turning to leave the restaurant with one last glance over her shoulder as she walked out the door.

Jamie sat back in his chair and smiled, wondering how soon he could call her to plan their next date. It had been so long since he'd just gone out and enjoyed himself with another woman.

* * *

 _It's not Jamko - too soon for that! - but I had to get the boy a girl at some point and I always liked Dana._


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

 _I've never been good at keeping secrets, at least I don't think I have. Dad can read me like an open book and Danny's got the same instinct. Must be in the genes._

 _I don't have any secrets, not yet at least. Or maybe I do...I don't know. This is all just so crazy._

 _Maybe if I lay it out - think things through - I can figure this out on my own. The only problem is, I got nothing to lay out yet except for the fact that I got approached by the FBI. They want to talk to me about investigating a group within the department they claim is involved criminal activity. Me? Really? But the fact that they're contacting me, makes me think they're referring to some of the guys on my new squad. I've been on warrant squad for under a year. It's a lot of work, long hours, dangerous assignments, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's thrilling work with new challenges everyday. I work with an eclectic mix of men and women, some brash and cocky, others hard-nosed and thoughtful, but all, as far as I can tell, are dedicated and honest officers of the law._

 _Or maybe that's just what I want to believe._ _Part of me wants to tell them to screw off...part of me wants to know more because if there are any bad apples in the squad, they have no place here or anywhere in the department._

 _A_ _ll of me wants to go to dad. It's his department now that he's the new PC, but if I do there's no way to prove that the alleged corruption doesn't go up the chain of command all the way to 1PP. That must be why they're coming to me and not him, right?_

 _Before I do anything, I'm just going to wait and see what the Feds have to say. The trick will be acting like I'm not already keeping a secret from my old man._

* * *

Henry tensed just as Curtis Granderson swung at the 3-2 pitch, but his worry turned to hope when the Yankee center fielder connected with the ball with a sharp crack. "Oh!...Oh!" he uttered as he watched the ball sail high over left field and began his own play-by-play for his immediate audience. "That ball is going...going...gone!" he announced as he fisted his hands in the air. "What a hit! Yanks are up!" he rejoiced as Danny came back into the living room carrying a tray of sandwiches.

The Reagan men had gathered at the family home for the first game of the season just like they had sometimes done through the second half of the football season last year after Jamie had rejoined the family. It had been several weeks since they'd gotten together like this and both Henry and Frank were pleased that Jamie didn't have any reason (that they knew of) to decline the offer. Jamie sat quietly at one end of the sofa staring off in the direction of the television while Frank was busy reading the paper. Henry was the only one paying rapt attention to the game as Danny dug into one half of an Italian hero.

"How's your bride case going, Danny?" Henry inquired with a quick glance at his grandson. News of the murder of a young woman on her way to city hall to get married had been getting a lot of media attention over the past few days and his oldest grandson had lucked out, catching the case on his very own wedding anniversary of all days.

"It's going nowhere fast," Danny advised as he snapped off a bite from a carrot stick. "The bride and groom are Midwest transplants with no skeletons in their closets that I can find so far," he reported while drawing Frank's attention away from the article he had been reading. "It doesn't make sense that this ADT gang would try to take them out, not that it matters since we got no hard evidence tying them to it either..."

As Danny carried on about the case, Jamie stared off into space wishing he were at home in bed...asleep. He'd stayed out way too late last night with Dana and that was after a full tour and his Wednesday night class, but he'd been looking forward to seeing her after her business trip and had been too weak to say no to her offer to meet up at her place for drinks. Things between them were casual, but they had been getting together often, about as much as her travels and his schedule would allow. They were enjoying each other's company without any expectations, their only plans were to go with the flow and see where things took them. Dana was definitely a happy distraction. And while his social life was good, school had him busy as ever and he couldn't help thinking it might be a good idea to leave this party early to catch up on some of his reading even when all he really wanted was to catch up on his sleep. Jamie wondered if it was a mistake trying to juggle work, school and this thing he had with Dana all at the same time. Even with all of the thoughts flying through his head, Jamie was unable to stop the yawn that nearly split his face in half and had the other three Reagans staring back in curiosity.

Danny had still been speaking about his case when his brother let out the large yawn. "What's wrong? Am I boring you or are we keeping you up past your bedtime? Better catch some Z's tonight kid, cause you'll be searching for the bangers' car tomorrow on my case," he snarked.

"Sorry," Jamie apologized as he sat up on the couch hoping to rid himself of some of the fatigue he was feeling.

"What have you been up to lately, Jamie?" Henry asked. Frank said that he had not been able to get much out of the boy when they'd last gone fishing. Jamie repeatedly claimed that work just had him busy, but Henry knew when someone was trying to pull a fast one on him and that boy was keeping something to himself, he just knew it.

"Nothing," he claimed and tried not to fidget like a perp in the box from the inquisitive looks he was getting back from all three of them.

Danny chewed on his sandwich as he narrowed his eyes at his little brother thinking the same thing as his grandfather. Jamie had even been dodging him lately and it was fishy.

Jamie had already learned that the best way to get the family off his back, at least temporarily, was to give them a little something to ease any worries or suspicions. So he went with the one thing that he felt comfortable disclosing even though it might bring about a lot of questions and teasing. Jamie rolled his eyes in a display of true annoyance before he said, "I've been seeing someone lately."

Those five words were enough to have them perk up a bit as all eyes were on him again.

"I thought you said there were no girls occupying your time," Frank said, referring to their discussion on the pier.

"There wasn't back then. This is kind of new," Jamie replied, thankful that it was the truth as far as Dana was concerned.

"It's about time," Danny muttered as he took another bite of his hero.

"Who is she?" Henry prodded.

Jamie reached for the bottle of beer he had on the coffee table and took a swig before filling them in. "She's an attorney, I met her a long time ago...she was a friend of Sydney's and we ran into each one day while I was on tour. And before you ask, no, she's not coming to dinner anytime soon. We're only seeing each other casually, she travels a lot for work so we just hang out when she's in town." Jamie knew that would be a question he would be asked and he was no where near ready to start bringing anyone around to Sunday dinner.

"Well, at least we know he's not a monk," Danny commented.

"Atta boy," Henry chimed in.

"Oh, brother," Jamie sighed.

Frank smiled, pleased that Jamie had a girlfriend, no matter how he categorized the relationship. He understood better than most how hard it was to date with all of the notoriety he'd received.

"Maybe she'll get that stick out of your butt and you'll loosen up a little," Danny snickered.

"Shut up, Danny," Jamie said feeling like nothing that came out of his brother's mouth was ever a simple show of support, there was always a dig in there somewhere.

"Speaking of sticks, Grandpa, I offered Jamie your old blackjack a while back," Danny advised.

Henry smiled, having forgotten that he'd passed that along to his oldest grandson after he joined the force. "My old slapper?"

"Mm-hm," Danny nodded while Frank frowned at the trio.

"I'll take that as a compliment," Henry said proudly.

"He turned it down," Danny announced with a side glance at Jamie who was already glaring back at him.

"It's not 1959, Pop," Frank stated with disapproval. He didn't need any of his officers, least of all one of his boys, getting caught up in some incident because they'd used an item like that on a civilian.

"That's 1969, thank you very much, Francis," Henry corrected immediately.

"They're not authorized," Frank reminded them.

"Doesn't mean it can't save your life," Henry argued. Sometimes you needed every advantage you could get out there on the mean streets.

Danny reached for another carrot stick as the same anger he felt when Jamie declined the slapper resurfaced all over again. The kid thought he knew everything, but there were a lot worse situations out there that he had never been exposed to and for his sake, Danny hoped he never would be. "Let him learn the hard way when he's rolling around in the dirt with 300 pounds of prison muscle."

"I never carried one," Frank commented, sensing that tempers were flaring between his two boys.

"Come on, Dad, you're 6'4" and you've got hands of stone...I still remember spankings I got from you with those war clubs," Danny reasoned as he munched away.

"You gave me plenty of chances," Frank pointed out.

Jamie had sat quietly during the exchange, clenching his jaw repeatedly to avoid a confrontation with his brother, but he could only hold his tongue for so long. He'd had enough of Danny thinking his way was the only way to get things done in life. "Justify it any way you want, everybody knows when those things did most of their damage - after the perp was cuffed."

"What?" Henry said.

"What am I gonna do with you? Huh? How am I gonna teach this kid the ropes?" Danny said in exasperation.

Jamie sat back and stared down his brother. "You got a problem with me when I'm a dumb rookie and when I'm not. Why is that? And don't forget that I got where I am today just fine, on my own and without any of your help," he said, shaking his head as he took another pull from his bottle.

Frank and Henry traded worried glances at the continued tensions between the boys. Henry decided to change subjects quickly before things got too heated. "Jamie, how's the new partner working out?" he asked, having no knowledge that he was treading choppy waters there as well.

"Just peachy," Jamie replied sarcastically which the others assumed was from the foul mood the night had put him in so far.

Danny caught the look his father was giving him, warning him to lay off for now. Considering that he'd just been reminded of his dad's spankings, he sat back and focused on the game like he'd come over to do, shoving the sandwich in his mouth just to be extra sure he kept quiet.

"Well, I really wanted to go on a ride-around. So I was wondering if you and your partner would be up for having an old-timer join you for a couple of tours," Henry said.

"Oh, really?" Jamie said, surprised that his grandfather wanted to do that with him.

"Yes...what do you say?" Henry asked hopefully.

"Sure," Jamie shrugged, figuring it might be good to get his grandfather's take on his irritating partner. If there was anyone else's opinion he valued as much as his father's, it was his.


	16. Chapter 16

_Short chapter, but we are getting into more of the brotherly conflict with the bride case. For those that feel that there's too much D/J strife, I did advise that their troubles in seasons 1 and 2 would be the main theme of this story, so here's your warning - more trouble ahead. Those conflicts along with stress and insecurities will have Jamie's head spinning for a bit._

Chapter 16

 _I'm knee deep into this Templar investigation and keeping it to myself has been one of the hardest parts about the whole thing. I can't say a word about it to anyone, not dad or Danny and it feels like I'm lying. Dad asks me if everything is okay a lot more often than he normally does...or maybe that's just my guilty conscious making me feel like he's on to me. These days, I feel like a perp walking into the box whenever I go home. I just tell him the warrant squad has me busy, which isn't a lie, there's never a lack of things to do there. Angie also tells me I'm working too much. I already had long hours to begin with and this assignment has me working off duty to get an invite into the Templar, which has not been easy, but I'm getting there. I can feel it._

 _Some might see what I'm doing as wrong - working with the feds to nail dirty cops - but the feds have way too much on the Blue Templar for me to let it be and the brotherhood wouldn't stand for what some of these guys are doing. Nor can I pass on it and hope the next guy on the FBI's list will get the job done. This is the right thing to do in the long run. And once we nab these guys and prove the dirt didn't go up the ranks, I hope dad will understand why I didn't come to him._

 _Sometimes the ends justify the means. At least that's what I keep telling myself._

* * *

 _Jesus, does this guy ever shut up?,_ Jamie grumbled to himself as he moved around the squad room finishing up a few reports with his partner following him around telling some other tall tale of his days at the wonderful 3-5 precinct. He couldn't deal with him today, not after this morning and the kid they'd taken in while on patrol searching for ADT members for the bride case. Vinny claimed the kid, who was just that - no older than 15, was throwing gang signs, but Jamie hadn't seen it that way. And despite his objection, Vinny had stopped him for no reason and frisked him, coming up with a couple of ounces of weed. Possession might be an arrestable offense, but it was a bad stop...stop-and-frisk was done away with and there was no way an ADA would bring charges if they knew that. He'd tried getting that through Vinny's thick skull on the way back to the car, but he wouldn't hear it, hell bent instead on the hopes that the kid would provide detectives with something on the case so he could have something else to brag about. And that brought up a whole array of other problems if he did in fact have a connection. Vinny did what he wanted, how he wanted, and had little consideration for the rules or his own partner's opinion.

As for the arrest, Jamie was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He couldn't snitch him out at this point. How would it look to other cops if he called his own partner out on the floor? And if he didn't, how was he supposed to let this go and keep riding with him?

"So the guy's screaming, 'You can't arrest me! I have Second Commandment rights!'" Vinny snorted through the end of his story as he followed Jamie out of the squad room, not even noticing that his partner hadn't heard a single word he'd said.

"Hey, kid...Cruz!"

Jamie bristled at the despised nickname and even though he wasn't a practicing Catholic, he closed his eyes and sent a prayer up to the heavens at the sound of his brother's voice. He got the distinct feeling this day had just gone from bad to worse.

"Detective Reagan, what brings you here?" Vinny asked as the partners turned around to find Danny coming down the hallway right towards them.

"I wanted to personally come down here and give you my thanks," Danny said with a smile as he neared the two patrol officers. He hoped this proved to his brother that he could be supportive of a job well done.

"For what?" Vinny asked.

"Tipping me off about that collar getting antsy over the key. It got me the murder weapon," Danny announced with a grin. It was the break he'd needed and it was all thanks to these two, although the report had said that Cruz first spotted the kid throwing the gang signs, but even Danny knew you worked as a team out there.

"Yes!" Vinny exclaimed and turned to smack his partner in the chest. "In your face, Reagan!" he laughed before quickly turning serious to clarify who he was referring to. "I mean of Officer Reagan, not you, Detective." But the smug smirk was back on his face as soon as the following words left his mouth, "I told you that kid was involved."

Jamie was stunned. He'd been hoping that nothing would come from anything that kid said, not only because of the legal implications, but because it would only make his partner more insufferable. "He did...he definitely called it?" he asked Danny, needing reconfirmation of what he had just heard.

"Mm-hmm," Danny replied as he eyed a still grinning Vinny. "Try not to let it go your head," he snorted. "But that's a good job catching the gang signs, Officer Cruz," he said before turning to his more subdued brother. "What's the matter kid? I figured you would have been just as excited as your partner here?"

"Don't mind him, detective," Vinny answered before Jamie could even get his mouth open, "he's just upset because he didn't catch the kid first."

Danny didn't think that was it, his brother didn't really seem like the jealous type, just pig-headed and unwilling to take advice from others. "Pay attention, kid, you might learn something from your partner," he added before departing. Now with a murder weapon, they were that much closer to catching the scumbag responsible for that poor girl's senseless death. He had no more time to waste as the ballistics report should be back by the time he met Jackie at the squad room.

"Thanks, Detective Reagan," Vinny waved before flexing his arm at his partner and slapping his bicep in a show of power. "Super cop," he boasted before adding, "probably gonna make detective over this." But Vinny was confused by the glare his partner shot him as he passed by on his way to the lockers. "What? That kid was connected to that girl's murder," he repeated as he followed after Jamie once more.

Jamie shook his head at their dumb luck and stopped to get a drink from the water fountain to give himself a few seconds to control his frustration. "Your instincts were spot-on, but we both know that you flaked that kid," he accused once he turned to face him.

Vinny held his hands up defensively. "Hey, I didn't set up an innocent man...I didn't even set up a guilty one."

Jamie wondered how much of what Vinny had learned in the academy had conveniently slipped his mind. "It's called fruit of the poisonous tree, okay? If it comes to light, then everything connected to it gets thrown out," he reminded him.

Vinny rolled his eyes; his damn partner was sounding more like a lawyer than a cop. "Oh, just celebrate the win, Reagan! Stop being president of the PBA."

"What does the Patrolmen's Benevolent Association have to do with this?" Jamie challenged.

"Well, in your case, it's the Prisoners' Benevolent Association. You care more about the freaking perps than you do the victims," Vinny asserted and debated making a comparison to the Blake shooting. But he was not one to normally restrain himself with anyone except his superiors and he let the words fly out his mouth before giving it another thought. "You know, if your concern is how this might look to your father - "

"Stop right there," Jamie warned before he was further tempted to punch his partner in the face. "I was a cop long before I had any ties to 1PP, so let's be clear about that right now. And I'm the only one who's thinking about the victims! I don't want to see her killer walk, so now I got to figure out a way to make sure that doesn't happen!" Jamie declared before storming off and leaving behind his apathetic partner, who was convinced his partner was making a mountain out of a molehill.


	17. Chapter 17

_Oh my goodness, that kitchen scene between Danny and Jamie last night was fantastic. Trying to get there with this story, but you know there has to be a build up and an explosion before that happens. :)_

Chapter 17

 _If you were still here, J, you'd be the baby of the family and deservingly so, considering that you are 6 years my junior. Erin and I are a couple years apart and Danny is a few more her senior, yet I get treated like a kid by the two of them to this day. I noticed them doing it a lot lately too. Maybe it's because they both have so much going on...Danny's working with Major Crimes now and Erin's a rising star in the DA's office having just gotten a conviction in a big, high-profile murder trial. And me? Well, as far as they're concerned, I'm just knocking on doors to serve warrants. If only they knew what I was really into. I'm deep into the investigation of the Blue Templar and there's definitely no turning back now. But I can't wait for it to be over...to be able to stop looking over my shoulder to check if anyone has made me, to see these dirty cops put away, but mostly, to show everyone_ _I'm capable of big things too...and to finally tell the family the truth._

 _I don't like the lying and I don't think the family will appreciate having been on the receiving end of those lies for months, but the ends will justify the means in this case. I've said that before and it sounds so cliche, like I'm grasping for a way to ease my guilt, but it's true. The department might take some flack for allowing a group of rogue cops run wild right under their noses, but once they're put away, it will all have been worth it._

* * *

Jamie was silently telling himself to remain calm as he navigated the maze of corridors and cubicles of the District Attorney's office in full uniform. He needed to squash the ridiculous paranoia that had begun to build ever since he and Vinny had been stopped outside the precinct yesterday by an investigator from this very office. He had finally accepted the fact that his partner had been right to snag that kid; he'd been throwing gang signs to his buddy and Vinny had caught him in plain sight which led to the discovery of several ounces of weed on his person and then to the big break in the bride case - the key to the locker containing the murder weapon. The ends had justified the means as Danny had arrested the gang members involved in the drive-by shooting soon thereafter. Vinny was right and he was wrong and he had even told his partner as much as they headed out on tour, which was when they were approached by the DA's investigator.

Jamie had panicked on the inside as soon as the investigator introduced himself, immediately asserting their rights to have PBA representatives present for questioning before Vinny could say something stupid. But the DA wasn't IAB and if they didn't speak to him right then and there, they would have had formal appearance requests waiting for them by the end of tour instead, not that they were being spared the trouble anyway. Vinny hadn't hesitated to go first, proud to retell the story for the hundredth time. Jamie just hoped he wasn't adding new details with each recanting to shine a spotlight on his self-proclaimed super cop skills.

But it wasn't just the interview with the investigator that had him on edge.

 _"You mind if I ask which ADA sent you?"_

 _"Sure. I think you know her...Erin Reagan."_

Jamie couldn't admit it right now, but his growing issues with Danny were clouding his judgement and he had begun to wonder if his own sister was doubting his abilities and integrity on the job. _Does she think I can't do this job without her input either?_ That's all he could ask himself since receiving the appearance request that morning despite both he and Vinny already having spoken to her investigator the day before. If he were in her shoes, he would understand that her job was to quell any claims of police impropriety or lapses in procedure by a defendant facing criminal charges, otherwise what was the point of taking it to trial? But all he could see was another member of his family joining his older brother to question how he did his job.

Jamie was so distracted, he suddenly found himself outside of Erin's office where she sat behind her desk hunched over one of her many files. He took a deep, calming breath before knocking... _here we go,_ he thought. Jamie hardly waited for a response before letting himself in, his posture stiff as he stepped over to her desk. "Officer Reagan reporting as ordered," he said with absolutely no humor in his voice.

"Very funny," Erin snorted as she pulled her reading glasses from her nose.

"I don't see what's so funny about it. I think you calling my stop into question is way out of line, Erin," Jamie said, his displeasure with her clear despite his even tone.

Erin was taken back at the attitude coming from her little brother, something she would expect from Danny, not Jamie. "The inquiry concerned your partner, not you," she reminded him. "I just need you -"

"Who made the complaint? The banger or the kid who hid the murder weapon for the killers?" Jamie bit back. In the back of his mind, he knew it was Vinny that was being called into question, but he'd gone along with his partner's chronology of events so it was now his hide on the line as well and that had Jamie on the defensive.

"He still has a right to due process...or have you forgotten what they taught you about the law at the academy?" Erin stated tightly. She didn't care who was standing in front of her now, she wasn't about to ignore the letter of the law for anyone. She just never thought she'd be having this type of discussion with Jamie. But as she examined him closely, she noticed that he was on the verge of jumping out of his skin and she began to worry that it wasn't this case, but something more serious that was troubling him. They had all noticed that something was going on with him lately, they just had no idea what it was.

"No!" Jamie snapped. "Which makes it all the more insulting, you calling me into question me like this, Erin!"

Erin switched back into attorney mode as she was now the one on the defensive. "My entire case stems from that search. If it was bad - "

"We did nothing wrong," Jamie declared, praying that his sister would just believe him and move on. But his plea fell on deaf ears as Erin continued to prod.

"Then why are you so upset?" she asked, wanting to get to the root of the problem.

"Because I'm out there trying to do my job, but it's kind of hard to do when you're jamming me up like this!" Jamie snapped.

Erin took a breath to keep her own wits about her; this was not the time and place to get into a shouting match with one of her siblings. "I'm trying to do my job," she established in case he had forgotten.

"You would never do this to Danny, Erin," Jamie accused. It sounded lame to his own ears and Jamie averted his eyes to hide the remorse he was feeling at his behavior, yet he was still determined to stand his ground, especially with his family.

Erin let herself fall back against her chair in disbelief of that statement as she failed to remember that Jamie had not been around to witness all of the times she'd called Danny out in this very office, in fact. "Are you kidding me?! I have called him on the carpet a thousand times." Erin shook her head and put her glasses back on to study her notes, getting back to the reason for this visit before they said anything to each other that they'd regret. "I've spoken to your partner, and he is cocky and hot-headed and he clearly has a chip on his shoulder for the DA's office."

"You just described Danny," Jamie snipped.

Erin eyed her brother carefully. "Vinny is not family, so don't tarnish your record for him," she warned. Jamie was a good, honest cop and she didn't want to see him sullying his reputation because of some holy pact between brothers in blue.

"Family?" Jamie scoffed, wondering when the his own would start supporting him. Erin sent him a questioning look, but Jamie didn't give her an opportunity to respond. "And that's not what we're talking about here. This is about good police work that led to a break in a murder case with no other leads," he asserted, managing to even convince himself for a second that it was all true.

"Is it?" Erin inquired, wishing she hadn't missed out on 25 years of his life to learn his tells.

Jamie clenched his jaw as a bitter taste rose in the back of his throat. "Yes," he claimed with a look daring her to question him again.

But he too had a lot to learn that when it came to his sister, she was not one to let things go easily. "Are you trying to tell me that I have nothing to worry about here?"

 _She's relentless_ , Jamie screamed inwardly. "How many different ways do I have to say it?...No."

Erin didn't believe him completely. "I need you to walk me through that stop," she ordered. She didn't care who else had been over it with him and how many times they'd done it already. She wanted to hear it straight from the arresting officers.

Jamie withheld his urge to scream, but wouldn't deny her request. He had traveled too far down this road to turn back now. "I witnessed the kid throwing gang signs. When ordered to stop, he tried to flee...he had drugs. The stop was clean, end of story."

Erin stared back critically for a moment. "And you're going to sign off on that?" she asked solemnly.

"Absolutely," Jamie responded with a hard nod of his head.

Jamie was as stubborn as they came, Erin was now sure of that. "Okay...if you're sure," she said, offering him a chance to share with her whatever had him acting so out of character.

"It's what happened," Jamie confirmed as he looked straight into her eyes. He might be the youngest of the Reagan siblings, but he wasn't going to turn into the the dumb little bother they could kick around.

Erin sat back at the determination on his face. She still had doubts, but she was certain she wasn't going to hear anything to the contrary from her little brother and certainly not from his cocky partner. She just prayed that whatever had him bothered didn't come back to bite him in the ass later.

* * *

The bartender placed another two shots of whiskey in front of the partners before rushing off to tend to other customers. The two had arrived shortly after tour and had been the first from their precinct to commence happy hour. Vinny was pleased to no end that his partner had backed him up, especially with his ADA sister despite his earlier hesitations. Now, the DA was proceeding with their murder charges against the gangbangers and if they were smart, they'd take whatever plea deals the DA offered them.

Jamie was also hoping for the very same thing, but only because he looked forward to putting this case behind him. He'd stick with the statement he'd given, but he would much rather avoid having to appear in court to testify at trial. He was reminded yet again that this job wasn't black and white. Those kids were all guilty of murder and their arrest of the 15 year old gang member was the reason they would all go to prison.

"To Jamie Reagan, one stand-up guy," Vinny toasted before shooting the whiskey back in one fell swoop.

Feeling the need to let go of some stress, Jamie followed suit, grimacing as the whiskey burned on it's way down his throat and into his stomach. "Who's about to fall on his ass," he quipped as he reached for the other drink he had been nursing in between shots...although that might not be too far from the truth.

"I'll be there to pick you up, buddy. That's what partners do," Vinny promised, seeing Jamie in a whole new light. Vinny wasn't oblivious to the fact that he could take things a little too far sometimes, but Jamie did this job for the same reasons he did - to help people - and he had allowed himself to make some bad judgments about his partner based on his last name before he ever got to know him. Jamie just did things differently and that was okay too.

"Uh-huh," Jamie replied as his body grew warmer and more relaxed.

Vinny took a sip of his beer and turned to his partner. "I owe you one."

"Yeah, you do," Jamie nodded.

"Name it," Vinny said, staying true to his word.

"Mean it?" Jamie asked with a cocked brow. Because if he did, this was an excellent time to make something clear between the them.

"Anything, anytime," Vinny nodded back.

Jamie looked straight ahead as he carefully chose his words. "I come from a family of cops - good cops...great cops," he began as he turned to eye his partner. "Proud of that." He didn't care so much for the attention the Reagan name brought him as much as the good work the men and woman who shared the name had done in the past and still do today. He truly was proud to call them his family.

"You should be," Vinny agreed. He didn't know much about the environment in which Jamie had grown up aside from what had been reported in the papers, but he did know that he'd been damn lucky to discover the Reagans were his family. And despite his gripes with the PC about the Blake shooting, he would not deny that Frank Reagan was an excellent leader.

"From now on, you make a move, you check with me first," Jamie requested. "That's what partners do."

Vinny looked at him for a few seconds, silently acknowledging that that had been lacking in their partnership thus far. They may not become best friends, but he wanted this partnership to work and he was willing to put in the effort to make that happen. "You got it," Vinny said as he held his glass up to signify his promise.

Jamie clinked his own glass against Vinny's, looking forward to their next tour together. "You got it," he repeated, vowing to practice what he preached.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

 _I consider myself pretty damn lucky to come from a family of cops. Three generations before me and Danny ensures that there's never a lack of stories to share at the dinner table, not that grams and mom liked those stories discussed during dinner, especially with the little ones in the family._

 _Still to this day, I enjoy listening to dad and grandpa tell stories from their days on the beat, even the ones that are being told for the hundredth time; it's like hearing them for the first time each time. They remind me that you got to be on your game out there each day and everyday. It's important to hold your ground and take charge of the situation before it gets a hold of you. That's not to say it's about using force all of the time, most situations don't require it, but you do have to take control._

 _Based on what grandpa's shared, no one busted heads like he did and no one appreciates his tales more than Danny...figures. He and grandpa are way too much alike, both quick to react, ready jump in and save the day without hesitation in whatever way they can, consequences be damned. I suppose back in grandpa's day, that was the way you had to deal with things and it was easier for the Department sweep certain questionable behavior by its officers under the rug, especially when it got the job done._

 _It's not like that any more though and Danny forgets that. I think he was just born in the wrong era. The Department and the public has a lot more eyes on its officers, but that's not to say there still aren't some who continue to do things the old way, something I'm learning more about each day...but that's a whole other story I don't want to think about right now._

 _What I'm learning from some of dad and grandpa's old stories is that we are living in different times and Danny and I need to handle the things we see on the street a lot more carefully than how the old-timers used to. There are ways to defuse situations without a show of force and if it brings about a little criticism for looking soft...well, I think it's the way we got to police the world in the twenty-first century. I don't care what anyone else thinks of me so long as I know I'm doing this job right._

* * *

Henry savored the deep malty notes of the lager the bartender had recommended, smiling as he looked around the cop bar. Officers from several of the neighboring precincts were still trickling into the bar after the day tour, joining the ones who were well into enjoying happy hour already. Riding around with Jamie and his parter today and being in this bar right now made this old man forget just how old he really was. Henry had to admit that he was on a bit of a high from the day's events; it had brought back all sorts of memories from his days as a beat cop. God, how he missed the good old days!

Henry turned to Jamie, distracted by the excitement of the ride-around to pick up on his grandson's mood like his normally keen eye would have. "It was fun out there today," he commented, having also enjoyed spending the day with his grandson. The boy had been busy with his new girl lately - or so he thought - and he missed hanging out with him. "Felt a lot like I did when I was on the beat." He was even taking pleasure in feeling like one of the guys around all of these young kids.

"I'm sure it did," Jamie said as he remained focused on his beer. He was doing his damnedest to keep his emotions in check, even trying to convince himself that he was overreacting about Henry's involvement in a couple arrests they'd made earlier in the day. His grandfather was still beaming from their tour and he didn't want to ruin it for him. Plus, he wasn't willing to believe that he, of all people, was joining the ranks of everyone else that had doubts in his ability to do this job.

"I forget sometimes how much I loved the job...patrol more than the desk jobs of course," Henry said as he thought back on his career.

"I bet," Jamie replied curtly as he brought his bottle up for a sip.

"I had a lot of great partners," Henry remembered with a smile.

"Yeah?" Jamie sighed with a glance at his watch, trying to determine how soon he could excuse himself and head home.

"Yes," Henry confirmed. "And I like that partner of yours."

Jamie rolled his eyes and bit his tongue, worried that the floodgates might open wide with the thoughts he was keeping to himself. "Yeah, he's okay."

Henry thought of the Latino officer, feeling that he was a good fit for his grandson. Personally, he felt more at ease knowing he had a good partner to watch his back. "He faces the situation head-on," he commented. "Grabs the bull by the horns."

And that did it. Those two observations from his grandfather proved him wrong and had him convinced he was in Danny and Erin's camp. Jamie clenched his jaw, not wanting to cause a scene in public, but he couldn't keep quiet any longer. "But I don't, right?" he asked with forced control.

Henry's head snapped towards Jamie. He was disturbed by the fire in his grandson's tone and was unsure of what he was missing. "What are you talking about?" he questioned as he thought about their day together - he'd shadowed the boys as they did their job, shared more than a few cop stories with them and showed them a few old haunts to frequent during meal breaks. They hadn't encountered any problems. It had been a good day...no, it had been a great day.

"How come you didn't back me up out there today?" Jamie accused. It was the question he'd been asking himself all afternoon.

 _"Are you out of your mind?!"_

 _"Are you serious?!"_

 _"Are you crazy?!"_

 _"Are you kidding me?!_ _This is my business!"_

 _Jamie and Vinny rolled up on the sidewalk dispute outside of Salducci's pizzeria. The place was a neighborhood institution, but recently the family business had been more cause for strife as the brother and sister that now ran the place had let their disagreements become a show for all of the public to see, especially after the sister began parking her new pizza truck out front just to bust her brother's chops. The partners had already responded to calls of disorderly conduct several times in the recent weeks and today was no different._

 _"This is what we do here!_ _This is my business!"_

 _"This is ridiculous._ _It's not your business!" the big, hulking man shouted as he towered over his sister._

 _"Go ahead, sue me, Joey!" the woman dared. "_ _You're the one running the business into the ground!"_

 _"Yeah? This gourmet crap? Are you kidding me?"_

 _"This crap? This crap is the future, you moron," the woman screamed as she flung a slice of her gluten-free pizza at her brother's chest._

 _The officers sprinted to separate the pair as the larger man rushed after his sister, but she was no shrinking violet as she also charged towards him._

 _"Hey, hey, hey!" Vinny shouted as he pushed the woman back toward her food truck._

 _Jamie on the other hand had the harder task of pushing the three hundred pound pizza chef away from his sister, but he managed just fine. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Back, back, back up, back up!_ _Take a couple steps back!" he ordered._

 _"What did we tell you earlier? If we had to come back out here, we was gonna write you both up for disorderly conduct, right?" Vinny said as he looked between the petulant siblings._

 _"You think she listens?" the older brother snipped._

 _"I got a permit to sell here," the sister argued, refusing to be outed from her spot._

 _"Yeah? Screw you!"_

 _"Drop dead!"_

 _"All right!_ _Back up," Vinny repeated as the two were ready to continue their fight. "Relax...stay put," he said as he signaled Jamie away from the feuding pair._

 _"Back up._ _Against the wall," Jamie told the man with a look daring him to disobey his orders. "_ _Stay there, please."_

 _Henry chuckled as Jamie and Vinny approached, having remained a short distance away to observe the scene. The brother and sister reminded him a lot of Danny and Erin growing up...hell, even today they could get into some knock down, drag outs. If they weren't so big already, he'd put them both over his knee during some of those more recent fights._

 _Vinny stopped in front of Henry and waited for his partner to join them. He was tired of dealing with these two and was ready to put this thing to bed. "All right, look, if we slap the cuffs on them, we bring them down to the precinct, we run warrant checks on them, their squabbling days will be over," he proposed._

 _"That'd smarten them up, all right," Henry chortled. He couldn't take those two over his knee, but that was the next best thing in his opinion._

 _Jamie frowned at his grandfather before disagreeing with his partner. "Come on, it's just a family argument, right?" Wouldn't it be better to leave them to work things out on thier own._

 _"Second one today," Vinny reminded him. "_ _It's the third one this week that ended in a 911 call," he said as Henry nodded his approval._

 _Jamie's eyes narrowed at how easily Henry had sided with Vinny before hearing him out. "We haul them in, it's just going to make things worse," he argued._

 _"And if we don't, we'll just be back here by sundown," Vinny sighed in exasperation. He didn't want to deal with these people anymore. His plan would scare the two straight, he just had to make his partner see that, which was sometimes a difficult task as the two usually had different perspectives, but they were working hard to make decisions as a team._

 _"Sometimes a kick in the ass is worth a thousand words," Henry commented from experience, which had Jamie bristling on the inside._

 _"I agree with Henry, man, e_ _nough with the talking._ _Let's run 'em in," Vinny pleaded._

 _Jamie looked between the two and threw in the towel. He wasn't going to get his point across when he had his grandfather jumping behind his partner. "Whatever."_

 _Vinny smiled in surprise; he thought Jamie would continue to argue his stance but having Henry with them was making him a hell of a lot more agreeable. "You can ride along any time," he grinned at the old man as he followed a brooding Jamie back toward the siblings to make the arrests._

Henry ran the encounter between the brother and sister pizza makers through his mind. "Well, I just thought that the situation required a more aggressive approach, that's all. I mean, sometimes you've got to do something more than just talk," Henry reasoned. "You guys said you'very been out there countless times already dealing with the same ridiculous arguments."

That wasn't good enough of an explanation for Jamie, in fact it only added to his ire. "I've got almost 40 felony collars since I came on the job, not by arresting some pizza guy fighting with his sister, but by using my head out there! Using less force, not more!" he argued.

Henry squared his shoulders, put off by their difference of opinion on the situation and by the anger Jamie was directing at him. He wouldn't have handled that situation any differently had he been the one in uniform. Henry disagreed with coddling those two stubborn nudniks; it would have only led to another call out there the very next day, he was sure of it, and that Jamie couldn't see that was upsetting on top of the fact that he was questioning Henry's experience. That rubbed Henry the wrong way as his famed Irish temper began to rise, but he was not willing to cause a scene either and his own bruised ego was also not willing to take another hit as he made a decision about the remaining ride instead of getting to the root of the problem. "Well, maybe we should just forget about tomorrow's ride-along then," Henry proposed stiffly.

Jamie shrugged as he got up from his seat and threw a couple of bills on top of the bar, frustrated by his grandfather's passive-aggressive response. If that was all he was going to get, then they were done here. "That's up to you. You wanted two tours and I won't deny you that. But if you come, I'll try not to let you down tomorrow," Jamie said before leaving the old man alone to wonder how the day had suddenly ended on such bad note.

Henry's stomach dropped at the defeated tone of Jamie's voice but he still didn't understand what had just happened. The only thing Henry was sure of was that one ride was enough; the last thing either of them needed was to ride around in a car together before they figured out what was really going on.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

 _Some days this job can beat you down and leave your head spinning, questioning everything you know._ _Danny told me once that the wins offset the losses on this job. He's probably right about that, but when your battling with a fresh loss it's hard to feel like the balances are tipping in your favor. Danny also said that when that happens, i_ _t's when you gotta reach out to someone before you go making any rash decisions. Big brother is a lot wiser than I give him credit for but sometimes the Reagan pride gets in the way and you don't exactly hear all of the invaluable advice that's being given to you by the people that matter the most. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not all that good at reaching out to others for help. It's hard in instances like this, especially when it seems that every other guy with a badge is holding it together just fine on their own, but how much of that is for appearances sake? How many guys bottle everything up out of fear of looking weak to others? It's not healthy - I know that - and you can only hold so much inside before you'll explode. That's how a lot of guys end up burning out, hitting the bottle, or God forbid, doing something worse._

 _I got a whole family full of people willing to listen, I just have to be open to hearing them. But that damn pride...it's tough to swallow._

* * *

Jamie chugged the last of his beer, signaling the bartender for another before he'd even brought the empty bottle back down onto the bar top. _How many have I had so far?_ he wondred. And how many shots did have before he moved on to beer? Who knew, but however many it was, it hadn't been enough to forget this miserable day. Even with his body growing warm and heavy and his mind starting to turn fuzzy, his encounter with Danny played out in his mind over and over again.

"Don't you think you've had enough, kid?" the old bartender asked, concerned that the kid was already three sheets to the wind.

"Nope," Jamie replied adamantly, tired of people questioning him. But his half-hooded eyes did nothing to convince the bartender otherwise.

"You're not driving are you?" he worried. There was no way he would let anyone out of his bar with a set of car keys after drinking as much as this kid just had.

Jamie's brow furrowed as he thought about that question. "Walked...left my car," he paused, squinting across the bar as he tried remembering exactly where he left the Chevelle. Damn it! He was going to be in a world of trouble if he couldn't remember where he left it. "Somewhere," he finished as he continued to wrack his brain for the answer. Crap. He was drunk...if anyone he worked with saw him like this, his ass would be done. You never punch out when you're a cop, you're on the clock 24/7, expected to be ready to go at a moment's notice because you never knew when trouble was just waiting around the corner. That might have been one of the exciting prospects about this job when he decided on the academy - the chance to be super cop all of the time. But how the hell was that even fair? Cops had bad days too. He had a hell of a horrible day today and he needed to just leave it all behind for a little bit and forget. Was that so wrong?

The bartender hesitated, but figured if he gave him another beer, he'd be able to keep an eye on the kid while he made a call. He put another frosty bottle in front of his young patron, who was too drunk to notice it was a non-alcoholic brew, and headed to the other side of the bar.

Jamie was quick to bring the fresh bottle to his lips but brought it back down as the first sip sent his stomach rolling. This wasn't him, he wasn't ever the type to get wasted, he hardly had more than one drink at social events. But here he was, hiding in some bar he'd driven past after recognizing the sign out front. He had been a few blocks away before he said the hell with it and decided he needed to tie one on tonight. He'd parked the Chevelle in the first spot he found and hiked back to the nondescript bar Renzulli had brought him to once after another particularly hard day when they'd both needed a drink but didn't want to be around all of the guys from the Twelfth at one of their usual haunts. It was dark, smokey, unpretentious and relatively quiet - perfect if you wanted some privacy as most of the patrons were happy to be left hunched over their drinks or staring at the lone flat screen television in the corner with whatever sporting event was airing. Renzulli had known the owner, the same guy that was bartending now, but hell if he remembered his name. He had introduced them; this had been before the mess with Sherry came to light and he'd been just another rookie tagging along with his TO. But the guy's eyes lit up in recognition when he'd walked in tonight with more than just the memory of the one time he'd been in here, he knew his famous name and mug, certainly having seen and heard both in the news the previous year.

Jamie sighed and rubbed his temples. After the last few weeks, he didn't think things at work could get any worse, but they did and he couldn't stop thinking about it.

 _"That's him!_ _Good job, kid," Danny shouted across the squad room as Jamie and Vinny escorted a handcuffed Leo Packer in for interrogation. Their perp had a warrant out for his arrest for a string of violent robberies targeting the elderly and the officers had spotted him while out on foot patrol after Danny had sat through thier roll call that morning to provide information on the BOLO._

 _"Just glad we got a bad guy off the street," Jamie stated, ignoring the nickname his brother insisted on using regardless of the company they were in._

 _"Yep._ _You know, just for this, I may go pick up the roast for dinner on Sunday," Danny smirked, referencing the task he'd dropped in his little brother's lap because of the case load he was carrying right now. "_ _Come on," he ordered Packer as he began to lead him away with Jackie following behind the pair, both eager to get the jerk into the box._

 _Jamie frowned. "Hey, hold on a second._ _Where are you taking him?" he asked as he traded a confused look with his equally bewildered partner._

 _Danny moved his perp to one side so he could look back at his brother. "What do you mean? I gotta process him."_

 _Jamie took a step forward, getting himself ready for a battle, he just didn't realize how intense things were going to get. "_ _What do you mean? This is my collar," he argued._

 _"Excuse me?" Danny said with a furrowed brow at his misguided little brother. Jackie remained silent behind him, hesitant to get in between the two feuding siblings._

 _"I brought him here for you to do interviews and run your line-ups, but this is my collar._ _I arrested him," Jamie stated as Vinny nodded in agreement._

 _"You arrested him because I asked you to," Danny reminded him. "_ _Look, I gave his name, I gave you his picture...I did everything but draw you a map!" he touted._

" _But, Danny, come on, you know the rules," Jamie countered. "_ _You get the clearances,_ _I get the arrest."_

 _"The rules?" Danny snickered as he handed Packer off to Jackie so he could school his brother. "Rookie, there are the rules, and then there is the way things are done, okay?" he proclaimed, needing to make things clear for his little brother. "_ _Am I right or am I right, Officer Cruz?" he asked Vinny who he believed was more in tune with the real workings of the job than his by-the-book brother._

 _Vinny had the look of a man in the crosshairs and had no desire to get caught in this squabble. He and his partner were getting along just fine and he wasn't about to mess that up. "Hey, this is a brother thing," he said as he took a half-step back from the pair._

 _"Oh, come on with the brother thing," Danny said as he looked into his Jamie's stubborn face. "_ _This is a cop thing, okay? Now tell the kid, am I right or am I right?" he ordered._

 _"In that case, I got to be honest with you, Detective, i_ _t's Jamie's collar," Vinny said, clearly recalling the rules on these types of situations. His partner deserved the felony arrest._

 _"Whoa, whoa!_ _No, no, no, no, no!" Jackie piped in as she brought Packer with her into the huddle. "_ _This collar belongs to the squad!" she proclaimed while poking a wincing Packer in the arm._

 _"Says who?" Vinny asked as he jutted his chin out defiantly at the incorrect assessment._

 _"Says me," Jackie declared as she stepped into Vinny's personal space, ready to battle him much like the brothers were. Packer was wise enough to keep his trap shut as he looked on with wide eyes, afraid he was going to get stuck in the middle of a tussle with his hands cuffed behind his back._

 _"Oh, yeah? Last time that I checked, a gold shield outranks you, Officer," Jackie snapped back._

 _"Oh! You had to check, Detective?" Vinny asked, his tone full of the sarcasm and attitude he was known for._

 _"I don't appreciate you talking to me like that," Jackie responded, taking the comment way more personally than she normally would have._

 _Danny frowned at the two, wondering how they ended up going at it. "Guys, guys, guys, t_ _his is between me and my kid brother._ _All right?"_

 _Jamie's temper had been building as his partner argued with Jackie. It was the same old story...Danny thinking he knew better than everyone else, especially him. "And without me you got squat," he stated._

 _"Which makes this my collar," Danny reiterated as his face grew red._

 _"My cuffs, my collar!" Jamie argued. He wasn't standing down on this one._

" _Okay," Danny sighed angrily as he rolled his head left, then right to keep himself in check. "_ _Tell you what, l_ _et's me and you go have a talk, o_ _kay?" he said and pointed back to the squad's locker room._

 _"Okay," Jamie agreed, ready to continue making his point, but feeling like things might not end well. He just didn't realize how correct he would be._

 _Danny followed Jamie into the locker room and closed the door behind him, spotting both Vinny and Jackie - and their perp - shamelessly staring back at them._

 _"So what's going on? What? You wake up and eat your Wheaties this morning or something?" Danny huffed, honestly surprised to have Jamie pushing back so hard, especially here in front of everyone, when it was so clear whose collar this was._

 _"Nothing's going on, Danny," Jamie replied. Nothing had to be going on for him to finally stand his ground with his brother._

 _"Well, you could've fooled me," the detective remarked._

 _"This is all clearly stipulated in the guide book," Jamie pointed out as he jammed a finger into the palm of his other hand._

" _This is all clearly stipulated in the -" Danny mocked. "What are you talking about? Do you even hear yourself? You sound like a lawyer or something, not even a cop."_

 _"Here we go," Jamie sighed as he turned away and began pacing the small space._

 _"Hey, the truth hurts!" Danny said._

 _Jamie spun around and strode toward Danny. He never thought he'd have to remind his brother that he wasn't some rookie and he definitely wasn't the six month old baby he never had a chance to boss around growing up. "I've been on the job three years now, Danny!_ _I have over 70 arrests_ _and I got here on my own, s_ _o you can stop lecturing me on what it means to be a cop."_

 _Danny stepped back and placed his fists on his hips, pretending to be impressed. "Well, look at you. Three years on the job_ _and now you're what? Ready to take over the department? What are you gonna do next? Replace the old man as commissioner?" he taunted._

 _Jamie was speechless for a moment at the contempt in his brother's voice. "What is your problem? What the hell did we ever do to you?" he asked without much thought on the use of the word 'we.' All of Joe's journal entries on his own troubles with Danny came to him all at once and he felt like everything he was going through with Danny was a repeat of what Joe had described._

 _"Who's we?"_ Danny questioned, utterly confused by who the kid could be referring to. _"Who the hell are you talking about, 'we,' Jamie?" he pressed at Jamie's alarm._

 _"Let's just drop it," Jamie said, turning to hide his expression._

 _"No, no, no, no," Danny ordered as he gripped Jamie's shoulder and spun him around. "_ _You said it for a reason!_ _You said it, so we're gonna talk about it right now!"_

 _"No!" Jamie hissed through his clenched teeth as he snatched his arm free of Danny's grasp._

 _"Yes!" Danny fired back, daring him walk out on this conversation._

 _Jamie's breathing quickened as he tried to find a way out of this. It was getting too heated and he was tired of fighting with Danny, but made the split second decision that he wasn't going to walk on eggshells around him anymore. If he wanted to know the truth, he'd know the truth. "Okay, Angie gave me Joe's old journal._

 _Danny's head snapped back at that revelation. "She...she what?"_

 _Jamie was oblivious to Danny's shock and continued. "I read it and he talked about the job, how things were going -"_

 _"Will you get to the point?!" Danny interrupted angrily while his mind continued to spin at the news that Jamie had Joe's journal in his possession. He knew his middle brother had written in them, had for years, ever since they were kids and Danny had even looked for them after the Fed's had brought him in on the Templar investigation, looking for any insight on what had been going on with Joe and the investigation when he'd been murdered._

 _"You know the point, Danny!_ _You were a hard-ass to him, just like you are to me!_ _No matter how hard he tried, no matter how well he did, he could never get your respect!" Jamie yelled before he began to walk out of the room._

 _But Danny wasn't about to let it end there, not while Jamie was pinning those accusations on him. He didn't know Joe, who was he to say those things to him?! "You're not walking out on me!" he shouted as he double-fisted Jamie's shirt and threw him back against the lockers._

 _Both brothers were seeing red by that point and the shoving match that commenced between the two would have turned more violent if both of their partners hadn't been keeping a careful eye on them through the glass walls of the room._

 _"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, wait, Danny!" Jackie yelled as soon as she and Vinny busted in and tried pulling their respective partners out of the scuffle._

 _"What the hell is going on?!" Vinny questioned Jamie as he held him back against lockers, never having seen his partner so out of control and with his own family to boot._

 _"Danny? Hey, hey, hey! Off, off, off, Danny!" Jackie ordered as he tried walking through her to get back at his brother._

 _With Jamie refusing to answer him, Vinny decided the next best thing was to put some distance between the two before his partner ended up with a rip for his part in this little melee. "Hey! You, let's go!" Vinny said with a shove towards the door._

 _"I'm not going anywhere without my prisoner," Jamie said, directing the statement at his brother._

 _Vinny responded quickly before the older Reagan could react, noticing that Detective Curatola was still holding him back. "Hey, you! We're done! Do you hear me?! XO just called, we got reassigned to Chambers Street Station!" he shouted back, giving his partner an extra push before they both ended up with rips for disobeying orders._

 _Jamie complied, barely looking at his brother as he left the room, feeling like this wasn't over, not by a long shot. '_ _What the hell?' was all he heard Jackie say as she was left to deal with the older Reagan._

"You ready to head home?" the last person he expected to see here asked with a gentle squeeze of his shoulder.

Jamie hadn't been ready for it, not the question or the presence of his father to his right and it had startled the hell out of him. "Jesus! Warna guy, would ya!" he gasped as he brought a hand up to his racing heart.

"I tried...called out your name twice," Frank said. The fact that Jamie had been completely oblivious to his arrival at the tiny bar, his quiet exchange with the bartender and his filling the empty stool next to him told him exactly how far gone his youngest was, whether by the alcohol alone or whatever had sent him here in the first place to drink alone.

"What're you doin' here?" Jamie asked, struggling to sound as coherent as possible in front of his father and boss.

"Heard you might need a ride home," Frank remarked casually.

"How?" Jamie huffed as he stared down hard at the bartop, both annoyed and embarrassed someone had felt the need to call his _daddy_ to come pick his sorry butt up. It felt like he couldn't get a minute of privacy in this whole damned city before someone was sticking their nose in his business.

Frank glanced over at the bartender who immediately turned away to give them some time alone. Tim had called him directly to let him know Jamie was slowly drinking himself into a stupor. He'd told him that he'd considered calling Jamie's old TO first to spare the kid any humiliation, but considering all that went down in the fall, he thought his father should deal with him directly.

"Do you give your number out to everybody so they can report back on your kids?" Jamie asked slowly and carefully, determined to sound more with it than he really was.

Frank wasn't fooled by his efforts, but played along. "Nah, just the ones that I shared an academy class and a house with," he replied with a glance at his old, retired buddy.

"Great...is there anyone in this town you don't know?" Jamie griped.

"One or two," Frank smirked, but he wasn't sorry about being so well connected considering that it brought him to his troubled son.

Jamie sighed heavily, feeling thoroughly screwed and confessed what he thought was the biggest of his misgivings of the night as far as his father was concerned. "I don't know where I left the car," he said as he rubbed the palms of his hands into his eyes until he saw stars.

"Don't worry about the car," Frank assured him, having already spotted the Chevelle a few blocks over while on the drive over here. "Why don't we get you home?"

Jamie shook his head. "I don' wanna go to the house, just wanna go home," he pleaded, afraid he'd be dragged back to the family home. It was bad enough his father was seeing him like this, he didn't need Henry and, God forbid, Danny seeing him like this too.

"Then that's where we'll go," Frank agreed. That would allow them the privacy to talk and figure out what was going on.

"Sorry," Jamie whispered without making any move to leave.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Jamie. Let's just get you home, alright?" Frank said as he gripped Jamie's bicep and helped him off the barstool.

"'Kay," Jamie sighed once the room stopped spinning, finding the world more out of whack when he got to his feet. Frank led him to the back where Jimmy had the car waiting for them. They didn't need to draw any extra attention; whatever was going on was a matter they would deal with privately.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

 _I'll admit, I'm feeling a little guilty skipping out on Sunday dinner. The family is probably getting ready to sit down together as I write this while I sit here lake side, taking in the sunshine with some much-deserved peace and quiet at the little cabin Angie found for this mini getaway she planned for us, away from work and the city and everything that's been keeping us from spending some quality time together._

 _But I can't say I'm not enjoying myself. Sometimes it's just good to get away, to have some time on your own...well not really on my own since Angie's here, but she's exactly what I need right now. We both needed this time to reconnect. I think Angie's been worried about me and that has me feeling guilty too. I've been putting a lot of time into the investigation with the FBI and that, on top of work, barely leaves time for anything else, not even the family. I don't miss Sunday dinners - except for today - but I haven't been hanging out with gramps and dad or even Danny like I normally would. What's worse though and what makes me feel like I'm suffocating sometimes is keeping secrets from Angie and the family. I don't know how I've managed to keep it to myself so far because every time one of them looks at me with concern, tells me I'm working too hard or complains about how little they see of me, I can feel the walls begin to crack._

* * *

"Come on now, not much farther to go," Frank promised as he guided Jamie to his apartment. He quickly pulled his son's key ring from his pocket which Detective Nuciforo had returned after driving the Chevelle back to Jamie's building, and from the smile the head of his security had given him, he had enjoyed the ride, having beaten them all here in record time no doubt.

"'m so tired," Jamie mumbled, wishing he was still asleep. He was past the point of caring that his father had escorted him home after he'd passed out in the back of the SUV minutes after Frank had him buckled into the rear passenger seat.

"I know...gotta say, so am I," Frank replied as he got them inside, dropping the keys into a basket near the front door.

"Guess this is one of the perks," Jamie snorted as he leaned up against the wall where his father placed him.

"Perks?" Frank asked as he placed both hands on Jamie's shoulders and steered him toward his bedroom.

"Havin' fam'ly to pick my drunk ass up...get tuck'd in bed," Jamie laughed while thinking that this was actually a strange thing to have a parent do for an adult child which then had him worrying about something else. "'Less I'm gonna get yelled at," he said.

"What are you talking about, Jamie?" Frank questioned as he sat him down and began to help him undress, getting him down to his undershirt and boxers before leaving his side to search for a few much-needed items in the bathroom.

Jamie remained quiet as he considered the question and in his current state of mind, it took him a long time to figure out what even he was talking about. But he had the answer ready once Frank returned to the bedroom with a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin, having shed out of his jacket and vest to settle in for what he thought might be a long night. "Fam'ly," Jamie whispered, missing Frank's questioning look. "Everythin' was simpler 'fore...not better, just simpler. Always knew were I stood, not so sureanymore."

Frank put the items on the nightstand, intrigued by Jamie's comment. He didn't expect to have any deep conversations with his son tonight, but alcohol had a way of lowering inhibitions and he wasn't above getting whatever he could out of Jamie to help him understand what was going on with him. "How do you mean?" he prodded as he took a seat next to him on the bed.

Jamie couldn't help leaning into his father as the mattress dipped beside him, his warmth was welcoming and comforting. "No one to disappoint 'cept myself...no one disappointed in me 'cept Sherry but I was use'to it...use'to her not 'specting anything', just money. That was easier...knew what to 'spect."

"You think you disappoint us?" Frank asked in a low, pained voice as he focused on that one word.

"M'scared to...don't wanna mess this up...think I already did. Use'to workin' things out alone. Maybe it's my mess'd up head...see it sometimes though...Danny, Erin, gramps. Not sure 'bout you yet," he trailed off before turning to look Frank in the eyes. "Are you?" he asked worriedly.

"Of course not, son," Frank answered quickly, stunned that he could question any of them. He knew his boys had hit a rough patch, but he didn't think things were that bad between them or the rest of the family.

Jamie shook his head as he looked straight ahead, out through the bedroom window into the darkened city outside. "It's hard to get used to. Some...sometimes wonder 'bout nothin' changin'...don't wanna be alone either. Would be dif'rent at work too," he rambled, gripping the soft comforter under his hands as his expression hardended. "Stupid Mike's gonna make 'tective...I'll be giving parkin' sums...summes...parkin' tickets...stupid jerk," he griped. "He's gotta hook an' he gets what he wants," Jamie finished as he dropped his very heavy head against his father's shoulder.

Frank's heart clenched at what he'd heard but he swallowed back his feelings while he got a very drowsy Jamie settled in bed. He didn't think he was getting anything else out of him tonight. "Come on now. Take this, you'll thank me in the morning," he instructed as he got him to swallow a couple aspirin and drink the entire glass of water. Frank laid him on his side in case he got sick and Jamie obliged each of his father's instructions, sighing in happily once he was horizontal and tucked into his warm bed.

"Thanks...sorry you had'a get me, but thanks," Jamie said as his eyes closed for the night.

"Always, Jamie, you know that...and you're welcome," Frank replied softly as he watched him sleep for several long minutes, hurt that Jamie could ever consider his old life easier to what he had now, but he couldn't fault him for having moments of doubt. The last year had been tough on all of them, but on Jamie especially with taking on a new identity and being thrust into a public life with a large, stubborn, but loving, family. It was understandable that there would be a longer adjustment period for him.

When Frank finally tore himself away, he made a call to let his father know he wouldn't be home. He told the older man about the call from Tim and the ride he'd given Jamie back to his apartment, but not about the bedside ramblings. The fact that Jamie had some sort of belief that even his grandfather doubted him only solidified Frank's suspicions that something had indeed happened during his father's ride-around with Jamie and his partner. He expected to come home that night to find his father beaming from his day on the beat but instead had found him quiet and sullen, refusing to offer more than a few vanilla, one-word answers on how the day had gone. And after partially explaining the current situation, his father's own concerns for Jamie also came across with a tinge of guilt.

Adding that to the troubles his two boys were already experiencing and the short confrontation Erin had with Jamie in her office over the bride murder, Frank had a sneaking suspicion about what was at the root of Jamie's problems. Unfortunately for Frank, it led him to think he wasn't so innocent in all of this either with his procrastination and failure to make a decision one way or another as to Jamie's commendation. He worried that alone probably spoke volumes to the boy about where he stood. As difficult as it was to know that part of his issues might have to do with the career drawbacks that came with bearing their last name, there wasn't much Frank could do to remedy that, not without straying from all of the self-imposed rules he established for dealing with the family and the job.

But he still had the feeling that there was more he wasn't telling him. Frank sighed, grateful for the weekend at least and that he'd have another chance to speak to Jamie in the morning. Whatever was going on wasn't so bad that they couldn't work it out and he wasn't about to let it fester for much longer. Frank groaned as he took a seat on the leather couch, feeling every one of his years. He loosened his tie before he emptied his pockets, lining up his wallet, cell phone and wristwatch along the edge of the coffee table. That was when he noticed the open backpack next to Jamie's laptop and the pile of textbooks and notebooks lying inside.

Frank's brow wrinkled in confusion as he looked from the coffee table to the open doorway and into the bedroom where Jamie continued to sleep peacefully. He turned back to the bag, debating whether to look inside. He didn't want to pry through Jamie's things - privacy was important to him after all, as it should be - but why the textbooks, he wondered? It couldn't be his, could it? Maybe it belonged to the young lady he'd been seeing; could she have left it behind one night?

Frank stared long and hard as if waiting for the mysterious items to speak to him and answer his questions, but in the end curiosity won out. With one last peek toward his slumbering son, Frank tugged on the strap of the bag to pull it forward, knocking a pair of blue hardbound books he failed to notice before off the side of the table. That stopped the bag's progression as Frank leaned over to pick them up, pinching the front cover of one between his thumb and forefinger. Frank scanned all the sides of the books and with no title on the covers, he opened one to the first page and gasped...he'd recognize that neat and precise writing anywhere, still had a collection of birthday and Father's Day cards at home with the same careful penmanship...the one belonging to his Joe.

 _But how?_ Frank puzzled as he leafed through the pages of entry after entry dating back years before Joe's passing. They alternated between almost daily entries and then jumped ahead in time, ranging from brief and simple jottings of a passing thoughts to more extensive narratives of moments in his life that deserved to be memorialized or required contemplation.

Frank was drawn to the writing and sat back, struck by the way Joe seemed to speak directly to his younger brother, hearing his middle son's voice read each and every word to him. Frank smiled at some of the entries while tearing up at others. They were Joe's deepest and most personal thoughts and while a part of him felt like he was violating Joe's privacy, a larger part of him longed for another connection with the son who had kept so many secrets from them in the end.

He always knew Joe was the most reflective of his children, but he was learning that Jamie might be as well. Joe was also his happy child, the one never willing to burden anyone else with his troubles, preferring to put on a happy face instead. It was like pulling teeth with him every time something was troubling him and even though he tried hiding it, Joe's eyes could never hide the truth from Frank, or so he thought. That was why learning about the Templar assignment had hurt so badly. He'd suspected that something was going on with Joe back then, he just never could have imagined that he was investigating his own squad. Frank regretted not pushing Joe harder to find out the truth about what had kept him away from the family so often in the months before his death. But it seemed from some of his writing that even his son regretted keeping those same secrets.

One thing Frank was realizing as he read through the journals was that Joe and Jamie had more in common than just physical appearances despite having grown up worlds apart. Jamie was extremely intelligent and intuitive, and like Joe, he thought things through first when the time allowed. Also like his middle brother, he chose to bottle his feelings up especially when they could be hurtful to others. With Joe, Frank knew how hard to push, but he was still learning how to handle Jamie out of fear of pushing him away if he came at him too strong...he couldn't bear to lose him again.

It was hours later when Frank finally closed the second journal, his heart aching at reliving some of the loss they'd suffered through his son's own words, saddened that he'd had his own doubts and troubles but touched that Joe tried keeping some sort of connection to the little brother he never knew by thinking of him often.

Frank glanced at the time on his watch as he placed the journals on the coffee table and slid the book bag back to its original position. He was too wired to sleep and had far more questions than answers...morning could not come soon enough.

* * *

Jamie was awakened first by the enticing scent of coffee wafting into his bedroom and then by the sudden alarm that washed over him at the sound of someone rummaging around in his kitchen until his attempts to drown his sorrows came back to him in a rush. Jamie cursed quietly as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, his stomach tightening, not from all of the alcohol he'd consumed but by the fact that his father had chosen to stay the night. Based on the dull headache and the memories that flooded his mind, Jamie hoped he hadn't embarrassed himself too much. Figuring he might as well get this over with, he rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom before finally shuffling out of his bedroom to find his father buttering a slice of toast in the kitchen. "Morning," he rasped before clearing his throat.

Frank looked up, one corner of his mouth curling into a smile at the disheveled appearance of his son. "Good morning. How are you feeling?"

Jamie dropped onto a stool at the kitchen counter, feeling his cheeks flush under his father's watchful eye. "Fine."

"Try again," Frank instructed with a smirk.

"Just got a bit of a headache," Jamie admitted as he ran a hand back and forth across his head.

"Well, if that's all you woke up with, then that's not so bad, all things considered. Have some coffee," Frank said as he filled a mug with the fresh brew. "It'll help with the headache. I'll make you something to eat."

Jamie gladly accepted the coffee, but wasn't ready to accept any food. "Not hungry," he said after a sip.

"Some toast then," Frank insisted and slid the plate with the buttered toast Jamie's way.

Jamie picked at the bread, but still wasn't willing to meet his father's eyes, afraid that his presence was a sign of trouble to come. "Did I...I didn't do anything stupid last night, did I?" he asked.

"What do you remember?" Frank questioned as he brought his own cup to his lips.

"All of it," Jamie replied at first as he thought back to previous night, from his decision to head to the little bar for some drinks to drown his sorrows after his fight with Danny to his father's sudden appearance, but he began to worry that maybe he drank too much and that there could be other things he wasn't remembering. "I think."

"And?" Frank prompted, hoping to get the conversation started with his son.

"I drank too much and you brought me home?" Jamie responded, ashamed over the way the night had ended.

"That about sums it up. You didn't do anything the rest of us haven't done," Frank assured him after sensing Jamie's embarrassment.

"Hope you didn't get called away from anything important," Jamie commented as he cradled the mug between his hands.

"No," Frank said after another sip. "Actually, I was heading home from a really boring charity function. It would have been helpful to get the call from Tim earlier than I did. You're car's out front, by the way. Detective Nucifero drove it over."

"Thanks," Jamie nodded, relieved that his beloved Chevelle was home safe after recalling that he had no idea where he'd left it at some point last night. "If I didn't do anything stupid, why'd you stick around?" he queried. His father undoubtedly wanted to talk but Jamie wasn't ready and was hoping to avoid it for now.

"I was concerned."

"About what? You just said I didn't do anything anyone else hasn't done," Jamie argued.

"The rest of us go out and have one too many all alone because there's something troubling us. So what's troubling you?" Frank asked pointedly.

 _Everything_ , Jamie thought to himself, but he wasn't ready to start blabbing to his father just yet. "Nothing."

"You already know you're a terrible liar, son. And you've been off for months," Frank said.

"Compared to what, exactly?" Jamie asked, quickly put off by the comment. "Because you've known me for less than a year and most of that time's been spent getting acquainted with the family while waiting for my so called mother to get sent to prison. Nothing about the last year has been normal," he said.

Frank had struck a nerve and worried he was going about this the wrong way. "I'll give you that. Doesn't mean I can't tell when something's bothering you."

"Can we not do this today?" Jamie begged. "There's so much crap in my head, I wouldn't even know where to start to tell you the truth."

Frank acquiesced, but wasn't going to drop it for long and he needed Jamie to know that. "Tomorrow then. Whatever it is that you're bottling up tight isn't going to go away if you don't talk about it."

"Fine," Jamie agreed reluctantly. He wouldn't have long, but at least he'd bought himself some time. With everything that happened with Danny, Erin and his grandfather, he was the one common denominator in it all...maybe it was him that wasn't handling things the right way.

"So how about you give your old man a ride home? I'll drive us there. And I bet pop will be willing to whip up some breakfast for us."

Jamie stood and nodded. "If it's okay with you, I'm just gonna head back here after. I start midnights tonight," he said, not ready to face his grandfather either.

"And I'm sure you could use a lot more sleep," Frank commented as Jamie continued the avoidance game, but they would all be together tomorrow and it was about time they faced whatever was going on.

"Yeah."

"Then we'll see you for dinner tomorrow."

"Can't wait," Jamie muttered under his breath as he headed back to his room to get dressed.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

 _I can't believe it, the day has finally come when I, Joseph Conor Reagan, am actually thinking about marriage and family and the future. That's because Angie's it for me, of that I'm certain and once I'm done with the Templar and we got the guys I'm looking into behind bars, that will be my next assignment - popping the question. It has to be something special for Angie, she deserves it for sticking by me these past months, I just got to figure out how I'm gonna do it. It really gives me something to look forward to when all of this is said and done._

 _I can already see myself married to Angie and having a house full of kids with her, just like mom and dad had...that's all I need to make me a happy man. Coming from a large family, I can't imagine not having one of my own and just as big...even though our house usually felt like the site of the next world war when we were going at it. Growing up in a house with three kids, not a day went by we didn't drive our parents crazy with the horse play and the blow-ups between two or sometimes all three stubborn kids. We definitely kept mom and dad busy playing referee...it even makes me wonder what it would have been like with a fourth in the mix. You, little brother, probably would have been the only one with enough real sense to avoid those scuffles._

 _But even during our worst battles, when we went at it like there was no chance of reconciliation, we always managed to work things out because there was nothing more precious than family. I can't imagine not having Danny and Erin in my life...nothing was ever so bad we couldn't kiss and make up, it just took a whole lot of talking and yelling to get there._

* * *

Frank looked around the table at his family as he sawed through the extra crispy skin of his entree. All were quiet and focused on the new dishes his father had experimented with this week. Jamie had arrived right before they all sat down to eat, having worked the night tour which Frank thought worked perfectly as he planned to pull Danny aside for a talk about his recent troubles with his brother prior to dinner. But his oldest had been about as chatty as Jamie had been the day before, claiming that things were fine before roping the boys into a short game of basketball before dinner...so much for that attempt to bring peace between his boys. _And so much for this dinner,_ Frank thought as he took his first bite, grimacing at the strange taste and consistency of his father's latest culinary creation. But he wasn't the only one having a hard time swallowing his meal.

"What's this?" Sean asked as he poked at the unidentified meat on his plate.

"Duck," Henry announced as he dove into his meal.

Nicky and Erin traded looks behind Jamie, doing their best to keep their expressions neutral.

"Can I have some ketchup, Mom?" Jack asked as he stabbed a hunk of the duck onto his fork and lifted it up for closer inspection. "It's black."

"Listen, enough. Eat your beans," Linda ordered both boys, not wanting them to insult Henry's cooking. At least Danny was munching away next to her, but there wasn't much in the way of food that her husband would willingly turn away, especially when he was working so hard to purposely ignore his brother across the table.

"Any other comments?" Henry huffed, wondering if they all felt the same way. "If all you're gonna do is complain, we could have meat and potatoes for the rest of our lives," he threatened.

"No," Linda jumped in, appreciating the older man's efforts regardless of the results. "It's fun for me and Erin when somebody else cooks."

Erin inconspicuously pushed her duck to the side and scooped some wild rice onto her fork as she sent her grandfather an appreciative smile. "It's actually the first sit-down meal of my week, so thank you."

"I'll second that," Linda added while lifting her wine glass to wash down her food.

Nothing was heard for a few minutes as everyone continued to eat, but Henry's own tensions with Jamie were making him uncomfortable. Jamie normally sat next to him at the dinner table but somehow ended up sandwiched between Erin and Nicky today. Henry couldn't help but think it had everything to do with their disastrous ride-around and he was determined to speak to the boy privately after dinner. It hadn't been his intention to criticize his abilities as a cop and he wanted to apologize and better understand why Jamie had gotten so upset; it involved more than just the events of that day. For now, he felt some casual conversation was needed. "I heard on the news that those gangbangers were finally sentenced in the bride case. I guess you two had a pretty solid case against those thugs to get them to plea," he said to his older grandchildren, who he knew were directly involved with the case.

"Both members of the department at this table had a hand in that case, pop," Frank advised, wanting to give credit were it was due and feeling that it was important right now with the doubts Jamie was experiencing. But Frank wasn't completely aware of how much strife that particular case had caused his kids.

"Really?" Henry asked with surprise as he turned to Jamie. "I had no idea. That's great," he said, hoping to break the ice with his youngest grandson.

"What did you do, Uncle Jamie?" Nicky asked innocently, curious to know how he had contributed.

But before Jamie could swallow his food to answer, Danny felt compelled to jump in and answer his niece's question. "Uncle Jamie's partner caught one of the gang members throwing gang signs. That kid literally held the key to the murder weapon. That Vinny, he's a really good cop," he said as he grinned at his brother, daring him say otherwise.

Jamie's jaw clenched, seeing exactly what Danny was doing - he was intentionally trying to get a rise out of him and he refused to take the bait. "Yes he is," he replied stiffly as he met Danny's eyes.

Frank frowned as he looked from one son to the other, hoping that they'd keep things civil at the dinner table.

"He's a little cocky if you ask me," Erin commented, thinking back to the brash police officer she had met in her office.

"He was doing his job," Jamie defended, annoyed that she was trying to start something as well.

"And you did yours," Erin replied sarcastically as she sipped her wine.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jamie inquired as he narrowed his eyes at her.

Erin placed her glass back on the table and turned to face Jamie. "It means you cops stick together, back each other up no matter what." She knew better than to get into this at the dinner table, but she couldn't help it. She just wanted Jamie to think for himself out there, he didn't need his partner bringing him down because of some blind sense of loyatly. And Erin still thought there was something fishy about the arrest that had led to the bride murder convictions, she just couldn't prove it when both arresting officers were spewing out the same tall tale.

Danny glanced from Erin to Jamie, curious about what was up between the pair. "What's that about?" he asked as he waved his fork at them.

Jamie wanted to know the same thing, still stuck on her comments. "Yeah, Erin, what exactly are you referring to?" he asked, daring her to question him here like she'd done in her office.

Erin shook her head and turned away at the fire in his eyes. The last thing she wanted to do was to fight with Jamie and she even regretted the exchange in her office despite her hunch. "Nothing. Forget I said anything."

But Jamie was ready to go on the offensive, tired of the same old arguments and always letting things go when it came to his siblings. "I know how to do my job. You should just worry about yours."

"Guys," Linda said, surprised that it was Erin and Jamie getting into it. Normally it was her husband who was involved in these types of heated arguments.

Although Danny didn't let her down as he quickly jumped into the fray. "Don't try telling the kid how to do his job, sis. He's got the whole patrol guide memorized in that giant brain of his," he snickered without letting his advice interrupt his eating.

Jamie squared his shoulders as he stared his brother down. "You know what, Danny? I was a cop before I ever met any of you and did just fine, got where I am on my own and I don't need everyone dictating how I should do my job."

"Jamie, no one's trying - " Frank soothed, hoping to diffuse a situation that was getting too heated for his liking, but Danny wasn't about to let his brother or his father have the last word.

"So you've said before. But let me ask you this...where would you be right now if it wasn't for us? Huh?" he pondered, ignoring Linda's quiet plea to stay calm. "Let's see, I don't know...maybe back in that dump of an apartment you had eating ramen out of a cup and staring at a brick wall while Sherry called you for money?"

"Daniel, cool it," Frank ordered as his son struck way below the belt with that jab. No one else at the table moved, all afraid of where this runaway train was headed.

Jamie clenched his jaw; he was so close to just saying the hell with it but he didn't want to give Danny the satisfaction. "Whatever, Danny. I do things by the book...can't help it if you're always the one under IA investigation," he snapped.

Danny let his fork clatter onto his plate. "What did you say?" he growled in a low, warning voice.

"You heard me," Jamie replied.

"Here we go," Henry whispered, dreading what was coming.

"I didn't hear. Say it again," Danny dared him as his face began to turn a bright shade of red.

"Take it easy," Frank pleaded.

"I will, when he gets off my back!" Jamie shouted as he glared back at his brother.

"Hey, I'm not on your back!" Danny argued.

"You've been riding me all year!"

"When I start riding you, you'll know about it!" Danny yelled.

"Easy," Linda begged as she placed a hand on Danny's arm when it seemed he was ready to dive across the table at Jamie.

"Kids," Henry started to say, wanting to direct his great-grandchildren to the kitchen, but he lost that chance when Jamie suddenly snapped up from his seat and threw his napkin onto the table preparing to leave first.

"Where are you going?! Sit down!" Danny ordered. He too was tired of the fighting and he wanted it to end now. Unfortunately, his temper was too far gone to approach the situation more calmly.

The rest of the family, even Frank - the usual peacekeeper - were too stunned to move. But a part of Frank thought all of this needed to come out eventually, he just wished it wasn't at the dinner table. And he hoped that Jamie wasn't going to run from his problems.

"Sick of this," Jamie hissed. "You wanna talk, Danny? Outside!" he barked and turned to leave the room.

"Sit down!" Danny ordered as he pointed to Jamie's empty seat.

"Wanna talk?!"

"Sit down, kid!"

"Come on outside, Danny!" he yelled back as he stormed through the living room. The slam of the front door shook the house and made it clear as to exactly where he'd be waiting for him.

No one moved for several moments, shocked by the outbursts even though most knew this was coming eventually. Seldom did things get that out of hand at a dinner, at least not since before all of the Reagan siblings were of legal drinking age.

Danny noted everyone's shock and a part of him immediately felt guilty. He really hated that they'd let it get so far in front of the kids but it didn't extinguish his anger completely. "I'll go talk to him," Danny said with a sigh of frustration.

"I'll talk to him," Frank declared with a pointed look at his oldest. The last thing he needed was the two of them getting into a fist fight on the front lawn. He would speak to Jamie first, but his grim expression warned Danny that they would be doing some talking later as well, Frank just hoped that he would be able to convince Jamie to be part of that conversation.

Danny got the message loud and clear and sat back in his chair, feeling like he was a kid again and wondering if he was in for one of his father's stern lectures or the famous war clubs.

Jamie was pacing back and forth across the front porch like a caged lion ready to pounce on Danny as soon as he came out, but he deflated quickly when he saw his father coming through the door instead. Jamie turned away, waiting for a lecture as well.

But instead, Frank took his time and pulled a cigar and a lighter from his pocket, feeling it was well deserved after the little show in the dining room. "Don't tell your mom," he joked as he lit the cigar and took a seat on the brick ledge, but it was completely lost on Jamie. "You pray, don't you?" he asked, although he wasn't certain Jamie did. "Don't tell your mom."

Jamie ignored his father's attempt at humor and got right into it. "I'm sorry, but rookie this, kid that...I mean, I can't do anything right!"

Frank took a few puffs and brought the cigar down. He knew how tough Danny was, he'd been the same way with Joe, but they had never let their differences get this far, recalling his middle son's words on that matter...it had gotten to him as well, but Joe had years of experience in handling Danny, Jamie did not. "Well, I think he's desperate to teach you everything he knows."

"By tearing me down every chance that he gets?" Jamie questioned. "No thanks! I had enough of that growing up, I don't need to hear it from him now." He might be new to this family thing, but this couldn't be the way it was supposed to be. And it wasn't how it was in the beginning when they'd first brought him into the family. He missed that Danny, the one that just wanted to hang out and talk, get to know him...the one that partnered up with Erin to throw him a 1st-birthday themed party to commemorate, well, the first birthday he would celebrate with the family, complete with silly, kiddie party favors and balloons. It had been a joke on their part, but Jamie had enjoyed it nonetheless.

"That's your brother," Frank sighed. He wasn't condoning his behavior but he wanted Jamie to understand it.

"Well, that's just great," Jamie huffed. He was already tired from working overnight and the argument had drained the last of his energy. Jamie dropped next to his father, feeling like they were going to get nowhere with this.

"If Danny's tough on you, it's because he wants to make you bulletproof," Frank began. It wasn't an excuse, but Frank knew Danny's intentions were good, it was his execution that was lacking.

"From what? I give directions to tourists in Times Square. It's not exactly Fort Apache in the 70s," Jamie argued with a disgusted shake of his head...and he'd probably be stuck giving those same directions for the rest of his career.

Frank was quick to recite the advice he'd received from his father when he went on the job, advice that every cop should remember every day that they hit the street. "Every tour you work, do this job like there's trouble around every corner because one day there will be." Frank watched as those words sank in. He prayed every day that his boys didn't encounter trouble on the job, but they couldn't always count on those prayers being answered. "Danny couldn't handle losing another brother."

Jamie studied his hands quietly. He understood, he just didn't understand Danny's approach. "I'm sorry, dad, I get what you're saying and I can't claim to know what you guys went through with Joe or with me, but he can't put that on my shoulders. I'm still learning, but I'm a good cop and not because I ever needed anyone to hold my hand."

Frank nodded in agreement, it was a lot to put on his shoulders and it wasn't fair to Jamie with the hurdles he'd overcome already. "You're right. And we don't give you enough credit for what you've done with your life already. All I can tell you about Danny is that he can't stand to lose you again, none of us can. He already knows what it was like to lose both of his brothers and having found you again is too precious a gift for him to let go."

Jamie let out a heavy sigh. Maybe it was about time he started being honest with himself; Danny wasn't the only problem. "I could have handled things better, I know that...I just didn't know how."

"I'll talk to your brother, Jamie, and we'll work this out, I promise you that," Frank vowed. "But I know there's more to this than Danny. I've seen it in your eyes for months...please tell me what else is wrong," he pleaded, determined to get it out of him one way or another. He wasn't going to fail Jamie the way he had failed Joe.

Jamie began to shake his head, not wanting to get into anything else, not even knowing where to start if he did. Things were complicated enough, but his father was persistent and he'd already avoided this conversation once before. "I don't know...how much time do you have?" he said in jest to buy him some time.

"As much as you need, you know that."

Jamie was quiet for a few moments and Frank thought his son was going to refuse him again, but Jamie surprised him when he began speaking softly. "Things happened that made me think about the past."

"What exactly?" Frank pressed gently.

"The mom and the little kid living in their car got me thinking about stuff with Sherry, but you already knew about that," Jamie said. Frank only nodded softly, not wanting to interrupt his train of thought; he still got sick to his stomach thinking that his son was forced to live on the street, no matter the length of time. Jamie hadn't shared all that many details of the experience and Frank assumed that was for his benefit. "Do you remember that friend I had as a kid whose dad was a cop?" Jamie asked.

"The reason you became a cop," Frank recalled.

"Yeah," Jamie nodded. "He came by to see me."

Frank's eyes widened in surprise. "How'd that go?" he asked cautiously, suspicious of any ghosts from Jamie's past that could suddenly reappear out of thin air.

"Fine," Jamie shrugged. "It was actually nice to see him. His visit also brought back some good memories too. Mr. Cefalo made the trip down here to apologize for not doing anything back then. Can you believe that?" he said in disbelief. "He went through the trouble of stopping by here on his way to a conference just to do that. I'm not sure what he thought he could have done though. He figured Sherry was a whacko like everyone else, there was no way to know the truth. But it just got me wondering about all of the times people questioned her...if one person could have figured it out, how things could have changed sooner, you know?"

"Yes...I understand exactly what you mean," Frank replied. He had that thought more times than he could count. "We're always going to wonder about the 'what ifs', but we can't dwell on them. I have that trouble sometimes," he admitted, pursing his lips. "The best thing to do is to be thankful everyday that we have each other now." Frank watched as Jamie digested that, but he still knew they weren't close to being done. "What else?"

"Isn't that enough?" Jamie asked with a nervous chuckle.

"More than, but I still suspect that's not all that's on your mind," he said as he took a puff of the long forgotten cigar.

"You're relentless," Jamie complained lightly. Frank smiled tightly and waited him out. Jamie sat up and took a deep breath. He didn't want to lay this on his father but if he insisted on honesty, he was about to get it. "It's just work," he said and looked down at his feet. "Some of the guys I graduated with are starting to make strides toward detective."

Frank remembered well what that involved, it meant finding someone to mentor you and who could hopefully someday put your name up for promotion. "And you're untouchable now," he surmised, pressing his lips into a tight line. "I'm sorry about that," he apologized, at a loss for meaningful words of comfort because there was not much he could do about that situation without crossing the lines he'd drawn for himself. Although it got Frank thinking about the commendation again and feeling guilty about not giving it to Jamie. Garrett was right from the start, if it had been any other officer who did what Jamie had so selflessly done, they would have pinned a medal on their chest the very next day.

"I'm not blaming you, dad," Jamie assured him, sensing that his father might be feeling personally responsible. "I don't regret any of what's happened in the last year, but it's going to take me some time to get used to everything that comes with it. I'll always be thankful that you found me. I just gotta rethink what I really want out of the job and how to get it."

Frank nodded his silent thanks at Jamie's attempt to soothe his guilty conscious. "You've really had a lot on your mind lately," he remarked, wishing he could make everything better with the snap of his fingers.

Jamie shrugged. "I guess."

Frank studied Jamie's profile and decided now was as good a time as any to get one final question answered. "Mind if I ask you something?"

"Sure," Jamie agreed as he looked into his father's eyes.

Frank rolled the cigar between his fingers before deciding to just put it out against the brick. "When I stayed over at your place on Friday, I noticed some books on your coffee table," he commented.

Jamie frowned. He was picturing his small living room when his stomach suddenly tightened. He'd left his school books and Joe's journals there but he was uncertain which his father was referring to. He preferred to explain the journals over sharing his secret, but his father's careful approach also made him suspicious...he had left his books on the coffee table where he'd last been studying, but he swore he remembered packing everything away. "Did you go through my bag?" he asked with a hint of accusation.

"No, son," Frank answered but from Jamie's leery expression, he wasn't believing him. "I swear to you, Jamie," he said, leaving out how close he had come to actually doing that; what mattered was that he hadn't. "The bag was open on the coffee table, I could see the pile of books inside."

Jamie gave him one last wary look, but didn't think his father would lie to him. He didn't know if any good could come from letting anyone else in on his courses, but Frank Reagan was a damn good detective and Jamie knew he seldom let things drop if they piqued his interest. "So?" he hedged, to see where he was heading.

"I assumed it belonged to your friend," Frank remarked, relieved that they were moving along.

"Dana?" Jamie questioned, assuming he was talking about her. "She's reading law reporters, not textbooks."

"So they are textbooks?" Frank said.

Jamie cursed himself for confirming that fact.

"Are they yours?" Frank prodded, but was still not putting the pieces together on why Jamie would have them.

Jamie wanted to lie, but he didn't want to start any bad habits, especially those that he associated with Sherry, so he chose to come clean. "I went back to school," he confessed, continuing at Frank's look of confusion. "I signed up for a master's program at John Jay."

"Seriously?" Frank asked as his brows shot up into his forehead. That he had not been expecting.

"Yes," Jamie confirmed as he tried gauging his father's opinion on the news. Danny would think it was an enormous waste of time and money.

"When?" Frank questioned.

"I started in the spring."

"Well, that explains why you've been so busy lately. What are you studying and why didn't you tell us?" Frank inquired, wanting to know everything all at once.

"Forensic health counseling," Jamie revealed. "And come on, you really want me to announce that to Danny when we all know what he thinks of my so-called psycho-babble?"

"I'll give you that," Frank conceded, still not understanding the secrecy. "But Jamie, that's fantastic news and we'd all be proud! And yes, even Danny," he stressed at Jamie's exaggerated eye roll, "that you're furthering your education...and all on top of working fulltime too."

"I'll believe that when I see it," Jamie whispered.

"What are you thinking of doing with the degree?" Frank asked, worried that he might be seeking his master's degree for career advancement outside of the department, away from the drawbacks brought on by the Reagan name. Whatever Jamie did in life, Frank had no doubts that he would be successful, but he would hate to see him leave the NYPD.

"Not sure yet," Jamie shrugged. "I'm interested in the mental health aspect of it and I think there's a lot we can still learn about dealing with the EDPs out there," he said cautiously. It was an aspect of their training that was severely lacking, but he had no intention of telling his father that. It wasn't like he really had a solution for it anyway.

However, Frank always welcomed feedback from the rank and file and there was no arguing that his men needed more training with the mentally unstable. "You're right and so you know, I'm always open to suggestions on making your job better." He smiled and shook his head, in disbelief that school was the big secret he feared Jamie was keeping from them.

But it was Jamie's turn to question his father. "So if you saw my bag, did you come across anything else while you were over?"

Shame washed across Frank's face. It would be wrong to lie and it seemed that Jamie already knew the answer to his own question by the looks of it. "I saw Joe's journals," he admitted quietly as he wrung his hands together.

"Did you read them?" Jamie asked softly. He remembered how seeing it for the first time had made him feel, he couldn't imagine what his father experienced.

Frank looked down as he recalled some of Joe's most personal thoughts. "Most of it, not all...I couldn't help it once I saw what they were. Then I felt guilty, like I had invaded his privacy...but it was like having him here with me again."

"I felt the same way when Angie gave them to me," Jamie shared. "My only chance to know about mom and Joe is to hear you guys tell stories about them, but with the journals..." Jamie trailed off, thinking about what a tremendous gift it was.

"It's like he's talking to you," Frank finished for him with a sad smile. "Not like, he actually was," he corrected at the way Joe had addressed Jamie often. "Maybe deep down, he always knew you'd come back to us." Frank grinned as he thought of his two youngest boys. "You two are so much alike."

Jamie smiled, but he didn't keep it for long. "Then how come Danny and I are so different?" he wondered out loud.

"We're going to figure this out, Jamie. And we can start by going back inside to finish dinner," Frank proposed.

"I'm not ready to go back in there, dad," Jamie warned as he stood back up.

"Jamie -" Frank said, preferring that he not run from this chance to fix things with his brother.

"I'm know we got to talk things out, but just not today. It's too much," Jamie stressed as the hurt and anger were still fresh.

"Alright," Frank conceded. Maybe some time and a clearer mind was the only way to make this better.

"I think I'm gonna go," he said with a thumb pointed back at the Chevelle. "I got a night tour again anyway."

"You be safe out there," Frank said with a squeeze of his shoulder. "And I'll talk to him, Jamie."

"Okay," Jamie nodded as he reached into his pocket for his keys. "Thanks, dad."

Frank watched as Jamie drove away and turned back toward the house, determined to put his boys back on track.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

 _It was funny...D and I were taken back to our childhood and adolescent days, to the time when we'd come close to bringing down the house because of some stupid tussle I'm sure we thought was the end of the world. I was over at his place today to watch the game, but little did I know that most of the action would be taking place in the bedroom above our heads and not on his flat screen. And all because Jack and Sean got into it over someone taking someone else's video game and not giving it back which turned into name calling and pushing and then into a pretty impressive takedown by little Sean just as Danny and I made it to Jack's room. Danny grabbed Jack as I tried peeling Sean off his brother. I didn't let it be known how impressed I was, of course, and I even kept a straight face as we worked to get control of the situation. They are much younger than we were during some of our worst moments, but it was both strange and amusing to see Danny suddenly thrust into a role I can only picture dad in. Who would have thought that Danny would be giving Jack the speech about being the older brother and setting an example and working things out civilly with words? Although they did use some pretty interesting ones for kids their age, I'll give them that. And Sean got the speech about respecting other people's property and about not laying a hand on others unless it's to protect yourself. But both lectures ended the same way - they're brothers no matter what and nothing should ever be allowed to get in the way of that. Danny even told them to consider me and him; that he wouldn't know what what to do if he didn't have me to call his brother. And I think he meant it...it was kind of moving._

 _Danny the dad...b_ _ut I guess I really shouldn't be so surprised that Danny did as well as he did dealing with his boys. I mean, seriously, he was the recipient of way too many of those lectures from Dad growing up. He had Dad's spiel down pat, all he needed was a mustache and six inches to be dad's doppelgänger._ _I think Danny still gets the lectures every once in a while...'cause Danny is Danny. And d_ _on't ever change, big brother, cause you wouldn't be the best big brother a guy could ever have if you did._

* * *

By the time Frank stepped back into the house, the dining room was almost completely deserted, all except for one repentant elder son who remained alone at the dinner table awaiting his turn for a patented Frank Reagan lecture. "Dinner's over already?" Frank asked quietly.

Danny didn't bother to look at his father, expecting to find disappointment reflected back at him...even he was disappointed in himself. He'd taken things too far and he definitely should not behaved the way he did in front of the kids today. "I think everyone lost their appetites," he replied while repeatedly running his finger across the smooth embroidery of his mother's table cloth. "And it wasn't because of grandpa's duck."

Frank slid his hands into his pockets as one corner of his mouth curved into a smile for the briefest of moments. "Can't say I blame them. I don't think I could stomach any food right now either," he said and waited for his son to start explaining himself, but Danny seemed to have nothing to say for the time being. Frank sighed inwardly, he'd just gotten done pulling information from one son, he didn't think he'd have to do the same with his oldest. "We need to talk, Danny," he said as he took the seat across from him, the same one Jamie had occupied earlier.

Danny's lips pressed into a tight line as he nodded. "Where's Jamie?" he asked after finally facing his father and scanning the living room behind him.

"He left," Frank advised. "What exactly has been going on between you two?"

"What did he tell you?" Danny asked in return, wondering what had kept the two men outside for so long.

"Plenty," Frank replied. "But I want to hear it from you." The soft muffled voices of the family on the other side of the kitchen door was all Frank heard in response. "Danny?"

"What do you want me to tell you, dad?" Danny snapped as anger, guilt and frustration ate at him.

"The truth," Frank demanded.

"I'm just trying to help him, but he's too damn stubborn to listen to good advice," Danny claimed.

"Good advice or your advice?" Frank asked with a knowing look that had Danny feeling all of 15 again.

"Dad...," he sighed.

"Your brother's a trained member of this department, a gifted cop just like you are, but every officer is different and handles the job in their own way," Frank said.

"He's a rookie," Danny argued.

"He's in his third year, Danny," Frank corrected. "He doesn't claim to know everything about this job. He's learning everyday how to do it right, just like you did, through experience, which I know you can offer him. But he can also hold his own out there and you seem to forget that." Frank watched as Danny reluctantly chewed on his words, the question was whether any of them were sinking through that inordinately thick skull of his. It seemed that Danny had a few choice words to offer but he appeared to be forcing himself to remain quiet as he literally covered his mouth with his hand, but his expressive eyes showed disagreement. "Give him a little credit. He's already dealt with a lot tougher situations than most cops out there."

"Exactly!" Danny exclaimed as he slammed his hand down on to the table. His father's last statement was proof of everything Jamie was doing wrong.

"What does that mean?" Frank asked in confusion.

"He tried taking on thugs twice his size only to get shoved down a flight of stairs, he got shot, ran into a burning building and faced down a crazy, possibly-armed nutjob in Times Square to name 4!" Danny listed.

"And aside from the EDP - a situation which his CO handled swiftly - those other examples were out of his control," Frank countered. "They were calls he and his partner had no choice but to take. Your brother is not careless or looking for trouble, but he's 'all in' when it comes to the job just like you are."

Danny was having a hard time finding something to say to dispute those points.

"Tell me this," Frank continued. "How would you have handled them differently?" By the way Danny averted his eyes, Frank knew he'd made his point, but he still pressed for a response. "Well?"

"I don't know, okay," he heaved in reply while sliding a few inches down in his chair.

"Danny, don't think I don't share each and every concern you have for Jamie...we all do. We just got him back and the last thing we could stand is to lose him again and certainly not to the job, but he chose this path on his own, long before I laid eyes on him in that hospital. It's not right to do anything but support him right now," Frank implored, wanting to put an end to all of this fighting.

"I do support him," Danny said, but he knew he could do a better job of showing it.

"That's not the way it comes across to him. I know your intentions are good, Dan, but what you're doing comes too close to what Sherry Riordan would do to him growing up," Frank said.

Danny was taken aback by that statement. "How could you say that to me?" he asked. There was no way he could ever be compared to that nutjob.

"I'm not trying to put you in the same category as that woman, you would never come close considering what we know she's already done...and it only gets worse with the bits and pieces Jamie is willing to share with us. Things will come up that will open old wounds for him and we have to be there for him when he needs us," Frank explained.

Danny's detective senses were tingling over the last comment and the sorrow he saw in his father's eyes went deeper than his sons' rocky relationship...he knew something. "Like what?" he asked, already apprehensive of the answer.

Frank debated whether to say anything to Danny. Jamie hadn't sworn him to secrecy when he'd briefly shared the experience with him, he trusted him enough to know his father wouldn't go repeating the things they discussed. But Frank needed Danny to understand that his brother was a lot stronger than he gave him credit for. "They were homeless for a short time...living in a parked car on the side of the road," Frank shared quietly.

Danny sat back, blown away by that revelation. "Jesus," he gasped. "Are you serious? When?"

Frank nodded. "When he was 9," he said. Danny seemed to be just as stunned as he'd been when Jamie told him. "He said it was only a few days but..."

"But it shouldn't have happened at all," Danny finished when Frank trailed off, clenching his hands tightly...d _amn that woman_. "No kid should go through that."

"But he did...and God knows what else she put him through that we don't know about." Frank gave Danny a steady look as he carefully tried to get his point across. "In spite of it all, he came out of it a pretty remarkable young man. Son, despite your good intentions, your methods sometimes have a way of making people...question themselves."

Danny rolled his eyes as the his father's attempt to spare his feelings, he probably didn't deserve it anyway. Knowing that about Jamie cut him to the core. Sometimes Danny was so focused on making up for the time he'd lost with Jamie, he forgot about what his brother had been dealing with during all of those years in Buffalo. "You can say it, dad, I was being a hard ass for no good reason," he grumbled, his voice heavy with self-recrimination.

"You had your reasons, ones that I completely understand, honorable ones, you just went about it the wrong way," Frank mollified. Danny was Danny and he would love him no matter what, but there was no doubting that his people skills sometimes left a lot to be desired.

Danny looked down, picking at another section of the table cloth as a sense of deja vu washed over him. "Like with Joe, but he wasn't so stubborn," he said. Danny had been proud when Joe came onto the force and he thought it was his duty to teach his bother everything he knew from the experience he already had on the job. Joe had been resistant at times, but not as much as Jamie. Although Danny had to admit that his desperation to teach Jamie all about being a cop was more preventative - he didn't want to lose his little brother again.

"Joe had experience handling you," Frank reasoned with a smirk as he recalled his middle son's journal entries about his older brother.

"Yeah, he did," Danny smiled as he thought about his brother. Joe always put him in his place when he needed to, when he took things too far. "I wasn't trying to bring Jamie down and the last thing I want is him thinking we don't support him."

"I know," Frank nodded. "I know. And I think he also has regrets about how he responded."

"I just want to help the kid."

"He's no kid," Frank reminded him.

"Well, he'll always be my baby brother," Danny pouted.

"I don't think he wants that to change, Danny, he just wants to know that we don't see him as the same helpless infant that disappeared all of those years ago."

"No, he isn't that," Danny confirmed.

"Then let him know," Frank suggested.

* * *

Vinny slid a pair of sunglasses up the bridge of his nose as he stepped out into the bright morning sunshine alongside of his partner. The two had just come off their second midnight shift of the week, but Jamie wasn't quite ready to head home. It was too early for happy hour, not that he was looking to imbibe anytime soon, so he proposed the next best thing for this hour of the day.

"You want to grab some breakfast, Vin?" he asked as he squinted over at his partner.

Vinny was ready to agree to some bacon and eggs when a head of white hair at the bottom of the steps caught his attention. "I think you already got other plans, buddy," Vinny smirked.

"Huh?" Jamie grunted as he was still focused on his partner.

"Take a look for yourself," Vinny said as he jutted his chin in the direction of the retired police commissioner waiting patiently on the sidewalk. "See you tomorrow, brother...Henry," he greeted with a pat to the older man's shoulder. He was aware that something had happened between them after Henry's first day in the RMP. The old man was scheduled to ride with them for two tours, but Henry never came back and Jamie would only say that he must have decided one day was enough for him.

"Vinny, good to see you again," Henry replied, but his eyes were trained on his grandson who was obviously surprised to find him here. Henry didn't want to risk rejection and decided coming unannounced was best.

"Same here, sir. Have a good day, you two," Vinny called out as he continued on his way, recognizing that they needed some privacy to talk.

Jamie came to a stop in front of his grandfather, his stance guarded after their disagreement the week before. He realized he owed the man an apology but hadn't had the nerve to talk to him alone yet. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

Henry hated the discord between them and he was blaming himself for it. Betty always said he needed to learn to think before opening his big mouth...she was probably looking down on him from heaven giving him the stink eye for screwing things up with his grandson. And based on some of what he had overheard Francis and Danny discussing in the dining room yesterday afternoon, his oldest grandson had inherited those very same qualities as well. That made it necessary for him to set things straight with Jamie as soon as possible, so what better peace offering was there than some comfort food? "I figured you could use a good breakfast after a long tour. There's this little place a few blocks from here that serves up some of the best pancakes you've ever had."

"Yeah?" Jamie replied flatly. "I highly doubt that."

Henry kept his expression neutral, but he was beginning to fear that he hitched a ride into the city with Francis for nothing, right up until Jamie's expression softened.

"Because the ones you made for me that first time I spent a night at the house were pretty damn good," Jamie smiled.

Henry chuckled. "They were, weren't they?" he said, overcome with relief that Jamie was at least receptive to his unexpected visit. "Come on, kid, I'll buy," he offered as he started up the block.

Jamie slung his bag over his shoulder and followed along. "I can't say no to that."

"Not when they don't let you accept meals on the arm anymore," Henry remarked, recalling his conversation with the boys about the good old days, when cops were comped most everywhere they went and no one made a big stink about it.

"Rules are rules," Jamie said with some amusement.

"Yes they are," Henry agreed. They walked in companionable silence, following the flow of the pedestrian rush-hour traffic for a full block before Henry decided to man up and address the elephant in the room, but not before getting an answer to something he'd been wondering about. "So, did the Salduccis finally resolve their differences?"

Jamie jammed his hands into his pockets. Although they needed to talk things through, he was uncomfortable discussing the very incident that got them here, but maybe it would help him prove a point. "Sort of," he replied.

"What do you mean?" Henry questioned as he led Jamie around the corner.

"We got called back out there the very next day," Jamie revealed.

"The next day? What happened?" Henry asked. He would have thought that a trip to the precinct would have fixed those two.

"Antonia threw a brick through the front window of the pizzeria and Marco spray-painted 'dog food' on her truck," Jamie said, shaking his head at the stupidity of it all.

"Jeez," Henry drawled. "So how did you boys handle it?"

Jamie sighed as he thought back. "Running them in didn't change anything, so I talked to them," he said and looked over to his grandfather, expecting an immediate comment. But Henry only glimpsed back quietly as he proceeded toward the tiny diner at the end of the block, waiting for Jamie to continue. "I made them listen to reason...the pizzeria's business is down, Antonia's is booming but she's running out of room in that truck," Jamie recapped.

"So they're working together again?" Henry deduced.

"They got the regular pizza and the hipster stuff," Jamie confirmed while opening the door to the restaurant for his grandfather, sniffing the air as both sweet and savory aromas wafted out. He waited until they were seated at a small booth near the front window before continuing. "They should make a fortune, if they can really bury the hatchet. They're brother and sister...it seemed so stupid to let a difference of opinion erase that," he said, realizing he should probably apply the same mindset to his own problems.

"That's good advice," Henry smiled.

Jamie grinned, he might have been able to get those two knuckleheads to work together for now, but it wasn't without a little bit of the patented Reagan temper coming out at the end when he became utterly frustrated with the siblings. "We'll see...I also threatened them," he admitted sheepishly. "I told them that I'd make certain they wouldn't get out of jail in an hour, but it worked because we haven't been out there since."

"I like the way you handled that one, kiddo," Henry said proudly, further proving that he should have kept quiet to begin with. They would have avoided their fight and spared Jamie and his partner another call back to the pizzeria.

"So now I'm a good cop?" Jamie challenged. He was all about moving on, but he was also confused about his grandfather's sudden change of opinion.

Henry grimaced, but the waitress's arrival prevented him from responding. He waited for the young woman to fill their cups with coffee and leave with their orders before addressing Jamie. "Come on, I never said you weren't a good cop."

"I'm just not as good as my partner, right?" Jamie rehashed, still stuck on his comment about Vinny 'taking the bull by the horns.'

Henry shook his head, sighing heavily as he glanced through the window. "Look, Jamie," he began as he looked his grandson in the eyes, "I know I talk a lot about my time on the job, but that's because, at my age, the mouth's about the only thing that still works," he joked.

"We finally agree on something, I guess," Jamie deadpanned, but he was unable to hold back a smirk.

"Ooh," Henry gasped as he narrowed his eyes at Jamie. "Watch your mouth, kid," he warned, returning the smile. "But seriously, things were much different when I was a cop and we weren't trained to handle things the way you are today - there's a lot more daily conflict resolution involved in the job now. I guess this old dinosaur has a hard time remembering that." Henry paused and gazed at the strong young man sitting across from him. "You're a damn fine officer, Jameson Reagan, and I'm sorry if I made it seem like you weren't."

Jamie felt some of the weight lifted from his shoulders at the sentiment. He'd known this man for less than a year, but his opinion meant the world to him, it was part of why he'd reacted so poorly that day. "Thanks, grandpa. And I'm sorry too. I overreacted that night at the bar."

"Nah," Henry declared.

"Yeah, I did. With everything that's going on with Danny and then I got into it with Erin too," Jamie explained as he stirred some cream into his coffee, "it felt like you might be joining their side."

"I'm not exactly sure I have all of the details on what's going on with you kids, but there are no sides, Jamie," Henry said. "Listen, I know you're still getting used to having us meddle in your life and all of us coming at you at once, even when we have nothing but the best of intentions, can be overwhelming. But don't ever doubt that your brother and your sister aren't behind you 100%."

Jamie wanted to believe that, but he'd been predisposed to expect the opposite. Although his grandfather had a point, so maybe it was time to go back and take some lessons from his brother...who knew better how to handle Erin and Danny than Joe?


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

 _Happy 21st birthday, little brother. E_ _very year on your birthday, I wonder about the same thing - how you're celebrating it? Are you with people you consider family? With friends? Hopefully not on your own. I hope you have people around you who support and love you like we would have._

 _This is a big one too...21. It's crazy how fast time has passed. I wonder what you're like and what you're into...if you're a brain like Erin or a jock like Danny or a perfect combo of both like me. Ha!_

 _You should be getting ready to graduate college in the next year if that's the route you took with your life. Whatever you're doing, whatever plans you have for the future, I know it will be something great...you are a Reagan after all._

 _If you were here with us, there would be the usual big, celebratory family dinner with all of your favorites prepared by grandpa, Erin and Linda. Dad would have plans set to take you out for your first legal beer at Jake's and, of course, grandpa would have a fine bottle of single malt ready and waiting to have its seal broken and the spirit sipped while sharing a few words of wisdom with you._

 _But it still would be a tough one this year with mom gone now. The table feels so empty without her and it makes your absence that much more palpable. But wherever you are today, mom's watching over you, buddy. She's your very own guardian angel now. She'll make sure you come home to us some day, one way or another._

* * *

 _"Remember that kid that disappeared a few years ago on his way home from school?...Patrick Goodwin...I know who killed that kid."_

Those words...that's all it had taken for Detective Daniel Reagan to see red and pounce on a hand-cuffed prisoner. One moment he'd been standing around in an interview room at Rikers with Leo Packer, newly convicted felon found guilty of violently robbing elderly women at gunpoint and the next he'd been milliseconds from beating his face into a pulp. Packer was awaiting sentencing for his crimes when he had pleaded for a face-to-face meeting with the detectives on his case, claiming to have information on an unsolved crime.

If it wasn't for Jackie, he'd probably be on his way home right now without a job and possibly facing his own charges. After she'd manhandled him off of Packer and forced him out of the room, she'd ordered him back to the squad. She had no faith that he wouldn't go after the bastard again and considering where they were, she wasn't so sure she'd be able to cover for him should he lose it again. And if he really had information on the Patrick Goodwin case - one almost every New Yorker knew about because of the extensive media coverage after his disappearance - she was going to make sure she got it.

So Danny had returned to the 5-4 by himself two hours ago haunted by the flood of memories and emotions brought on by that name. He was slouched down in his seat when Jackie finally returned that afternoon, ready to raise a stink about his behavior at the jail.

"What the hell was that back there?" she demanded when she rounded his desk.

Danny sat up quickly, startled by her sudden appearance and eager to hear what information Packer had on the cold case, but he needed to apologize first, otherwise his partner might wring his neck. "I'm sorry, Jack."

Jackie wasn't ready to move on with a simple apology. She'd been through this with Danny before and she could only stick her neck out so much for him. "I mean, you do know what happens if you smash the guy's head through the window?"

"Yeah...I get suspended," a contrite Danny said as he'd sagged back in his chair. He'd been completely out of line but Packer's disturbing zeal for disclosing information he'd obviously withheld on a child's alleged murder had hit too close to home. It had triggered the fear and pain of what he and the family had gone through with Jamie. Hell, Danny would probably still beat the life out of someone who purposely withheld information that could have brought Jamie home sooner.

"Mm-hmm. No gun. No shield," Jackie confirmed.

"Again," Danny sighed, not wanting to think of his other run-ins with I.A.

"You know what else happens again?" Jackie asked, still too wound up to see her partner had already thoroughly berated himself prior to her arrival. "I get called down to I.A., and if I tell the truth, I jam you up, and if I don't tell the truth, I jam myself up."

"Either way, been there, done that. I know, Jack, I do," Danny swore. "But that son of a bitch, he's been keeping that to himself all this time and he never said anything until he needed to find a way to shave a few years off of whatever sentence he gets," he argued.

"He's a career criminal, Danny. Nothing they do should surprise you any more," Jackie reasoned as she let out a deep breath. She studied her partner and finally saw how awful he looked. "Now tell me why I had to pull your ass off of him in there?" she asked more calmly.

Danny looked away before reaching into his back pocket for his wallet where he produced a small photo out of the bill fold. He examined it for a moment, realizing that for a few years it had once been part of a set he kept stored in there to remind himself of the two cases he was determined to solve before he ever turned in his shield. Now that Jamie had finally come home to them, it was the lone reminder of the work that still needed to be done. "This is Patrick Goodwin," he said quietly as he handed the small school picture to his partner.

Jackie frowned as she took the photo of the smiling four-year-old boy in her hands, not realizing how personal this case was to him, although she should have for one reason at least.

"Do you know why I carry his picture around in my wallet?" Danny asked, but he didn't wait for Jackie to answer. "Because this isn't just some cold case that that mutt is hawking, it's _my_ cold case."

"I did not know," Jackie replied as she took a seat on the corner of his desk.

"I know," Danny said with a sad smile as his eyes took on a faraway look. "How could you?...You know how it is...every cop's got that one case they can't shake, the one that keeps them up at night like a dog gnawing on a bone. Well, for me, this was one of them...because of Jamie. I don't know, maybe it would have stuck with me just the same regardless, but it was like reliving Jamie's disappearance all over again. Ana Goodwin, his mom, that was my mother 26 years ago," he explained.

"What happened?" Jackie asked, not recalling the exact details of the case.

"It was before you got here. He was four-years old, there was a mix-up at the school, they thought the mom got him, the mom thought the neighbor got him, and then, poof, he vanished into thin air," Danny recanted.

"Well, did you ever get close?"

"No," Danny said with a shake of his head, taking the photo back from Jackie to look at Patrick's little face. "You know how it is with missing kids - the first 12 hours are critical. It was 4 hours before anybody even knew he was gone. I keep thinking that only 1 minute passed before we realized Jamie was gone and we never came close to finding him. And when we did, it was because he practically landed in our laps a quarter of a century later, not because of an investigation into his disappearance. But with 4 hours having passed, I didn't think there was a chance in hell we'd find Patrick back when I got the case. And maybe that was my mistake, going into it with that kind of negativity...it's probably why I worked it like a man possessed, not that it did any good in the end."

Everything made sense to Jackie now. "Ana must have gone crazy," she commented.

"Tell me about it. She lost her husband the year prior...Patrick was her world."

"I bet."

"I spent plenty of time trying to talk her off a ledge. I told her to be strong...I even started to tell her once that I knew what she was going through but stopped myself before I could get into the specific reason why because I didn't want to have to give her an answer when she asked if we ever found my brother," Danny admitted.

"Oh, Reagan," Jackie sighed.

Danny clenched his jaw and took a deep breath in through his nose. He couldn't go back there right now, but he owed it to Ana and to Patrick to pull himself together and figure out if Packer had any feasible information on the case. "What's this mutt gotta say for himself?"

Jackie recognized the mask he'd masterfully slid into place. Her partner was back in detective mode, so she went back into work mode as well for his sake. "Well, look, he says he used to know this guy a little bit from the neighborhood. He said this guy came around one night, he's drunk, he starts spewing all this crazy stuff about how he knew something about the boy that went missing."

"Of course, typical; sounds rock-solid," Danny deadpanned and cursed himself for letting this nutjob rattle him with this last ditch attempt to save his own hide.

"I thought the same thing until, you know, I ran this guy's name - Keith Daley," Jackie said as she pointed to the file she'd brought back with her, one that Danny had not noticed until now. "He dropped off the face of the earth shortly after that boy went missing," she pointed out.

"Why don't you show me what you got," Danny requested, his gut telling him that maybe they did have something to go on here.

* * *

Danny leaned back against his front door and closed his eyes, relieved to finally be home after the last tough few days.

"Danny, is that you?" Linda called out from the kitchen.

"Yeah, it's me," Danny replied after he took a deep breath and pushed himself off the door.

"Hi," Linda smiled as she met him in the living room and placed a short series of soft kisses on his lips.

Danny pulled her in for a long, tight hug and relished in the feel of her small frame in his arms. Nothing ever felt wrong when he had her next to him. "Hey, babe," he sighed against the crook of her neck.

"Wow, that's some hug...not that I'm complaining," Linda smiled as she angled her head back to get a good look at him. "Hard day," she assumed as she took in his long, worn expression.

"You could say that," Danny confirmed with a smile that got nowhere close to reaching his eyes.

"Well, come sit," she ordered as she led him by the arm into the dining room and sat him at the table. "I have a warm plate for you," she said and headed into the kitchen to get his dinner.

"Thanks," he said when she placed a hot plate of food in front of him and a much needed beer. "Where are the boys?" he asked before taking a swig of the cold ale.

"In their rooms studying," Linda advised as she took a seat next to him with her own cup of tea. She never waited long to start interrogating him on what ever was bothering him. These days, she usually knew the reason for his foul mood, but today a deep sadness had replaced his frustrations with his brother. "What's going on Danny?"

Danny pushed his dinner away, not ready to eat anything yet. Instead, he ran a finger across the condensation beading up on along the surface of the bottle. "Remember Patrick Goodwin?"

Linda's head snapped back in surprise. "I don't think I'll ever forget that case," she said. "I remember what it did to you."

"Not me," Danny brushed off. "His mother."

"Of course," Linda agreed, seeing that he wasn't going to admit how much it had torn him up inside to work that little boy's disappearance. "But unfortunately, you had already personally lived it," she stated softly. "What happened? Don't tell me...," Linda trailed off, fearing that the worst had been discovered.

"Not yet," Danny said quickly with a shake of his head. He prayed it didn't come to that despite what Packer had said, but he wasn't holding his breath either. "We got a lead. I had to go see Ana Goodwin today to ask her some questions on the new information we got. She's still a mess, Lin, almost as bad as that day he disappeared."

"That's not surprising, honey. I don't think you get over something like that, even after a few years have passed," she replied gently.

Danny looked at her for a second and pressed his lips into a tight line. "I never saw my mom like that after the first few days," he shared.

Linda would never claim to know what Mary Reagan had felt on the inside, certainly not on something like the loss of a child, but even she could see that her mother-in-law carried profound sadness despite the strong front she put on for others. "She had three other kids to be strong for, but I don't think the pain of losing Jamie ever went away."

"I know it didn't and I know my mom put up a good front for us, I saw through it sometimes," Danny confessed. "But seeing Ana today and seeing that all of those emotions are still so raw made me think of how bad it really must have been for my mom all of those years. I couldn't imagine seeing her like that." They all felt a sadness when they lost Jamie but seeing his mother fall to pieces like that again would have been unbearable for him.

Linda reached out and took his hand in hers. "And she wouldn't have wanted you to. That's what she had your father for. He was her rock so that she could be yours."

 _So who was dad's rock?,_ Danny asked himself silently. "Before she lost it, Ana brought up Jamie. She said she saw our family in the news last year and that she couldn't imagine carrying this pain and worry around for so long...she made me promise her to bring Patrick home to her so that she could bury him," Danny said as his glassy eyes met hers. "She wants closure."

"Oh, babe. I'm sorry," she said as she brought his hand up to her lips.

"I've gotta figure out what happened to him for her," Danny rasped.

"I know."

"Then I gotta make things right with Jamie," Danny added. "I can't waste anymore time with him. We already lost so much."

"And you will," Linda declared.

"Glad you think so, cause right now, I'm not even sure I know how to fix things," he whispered.

* * *

Jamie stepped off the elevator and came to a quick halt when he saw the long form leaning up against his apartment door. "What are you doing here?" he asked suspiciously as he walked down the hall. He was not expecting any company and had been looking forward to a quiet night in to get some reading done.

Erin straightened up and held up two plastic bags in one hand and a six-pack in the other. "Thought I could interest you in some dinner," she offered with a tentative smile. She was nervous and hated that she felt this way around Jamie. She'd heard enough of the argument over dinner and their father's subsequent discussion with Danny to realize why things had gone so terribly in her office.

Jamie sighed, not wanting to rehash that again even though his sister was making an attempt to apologize...and it was probably the guilt he felt at not having been completely forthcoming with her investigator that had him wishing they would never discuss this again. "What'd you bring?" he asked as he unlocked the door.

"Fried chicken, mac and cheese and barbecued spare ribs...and beer, of course," Erin listed, knowing full well those were his favorite foods.

Jamie pushed the door wide open to let her in, her smile at his silent invitation into the apartment causing him to grin in return. How could he say no to a menu like that? "Doesn't sound like your kind of meal," he commented as he closed the door behind him and met her in the kitchen where she was working to uncap a few bottles.

"It's not the kind of food I can eat everyday, otherwise I'd need two chairs at Sunday dinner," she joked as she handed him a beer. "But it's good for when I need to apologize to my brother," she said sheepishly and took a long pull of liquid courage.

"You don't have to say anything, Erin," Jamie insisted, especially since she had been partially right.

"Yes, I do," Erin argued but her face softened at his unease. She didn't want to argue, only to explain herself, apologize and hope that they could move on. "Jamie, honestly, I'm not sure what happened with that arrest, but -,"

"Erin," Jamie interrupted, not wanting to go there. He didn't want to feel like he was lying to her again, but the situation wasn't as black and white as she might think and he did what he needed to do to put those murderers away.

"No, Jamie, please just let me say this," she pleaded and continued when Jamie nodded. "Both you and your partner gave statements that I questioned...that is part of my job. However, I shouldn't have questioned your integrity and I don't question your ability to do this job. You're a great cop Jamie, a damn smart one, and I'm sorry things got as heated as they did. You are the last person I want to fight with...that's a spot usually reserved for Danny," she finished with a smirk.

Jamie smiled and looked down at his bottle. What he did was for the greater good, but he couldn't let Erin take all of the blame for their exchange. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have taken it so personally," Jamie said, putting his hand up when Erin appeared ready to object. "No, I did. And I know it's your job to make sure there are no surprises in the courtroom when you take these guys before a jury. That's the last thing I would want to happen to you or to any victim." And he never wanted to be the guy that put her or anyone in that position. He hoped he'd never be forced into a situation like that again.

Erin smiled in relief. "So are we square?"

"Yeah," he confirmed and held his bottle up to hers, "we're square."

"Great!" Erin exclaimed as she began to unpack the indulgent dishes.

"I just got one question," Jamie said as he watched her.

"What's that?" Erin asked while licking sauce from one of her fingers.

"What's with this family and food whenever they need to talk about something?" he wondered out loud.

Erin smiled brightly. "Food makes everything better."


	24. Chapter 24

_This is LONG overdue. I sorry, but I was very unhappy with the journal entry and it had to be completely redone which was not easy and took a long time. Just two more chapters after this and this story will be all done. :)_

Chapter 24

 _We had a close call yesterday that even now - a full day after everything happened - still has my hands trembling as I write this. And it didn't involve me. If it did, I might be more calm than I'm feeling now. It was Danny. He was out interviewing someone he thought was a witness to an armed robbery that left two dead. Turns out this animal was one of the perps they were after, he just didn't know it. The bastard got the upper hand on an unsuspecting Danny and beat him pretty good and was on his way to choking the life out of him, but Danny never gave up and by some miracle of God (or maybe it was the damn stubborn streak in him that's normally so annoying), he managed find his weapon and shot the monster._

 _Poor Linda was a wreck, but she did her best to hide it, especially with two little boys who were already scared to be dragged out to a hospital in the city for news on their father. They didn't know the details of what happened, but they're smart enough to know it was something bad. Thank god mom isn't here to see this. She hated this part of the job, hated seeing dad leave for work everyday with all of the dangers he could face, and she had reservations about both her remaining sons becoming cops. Her biggest fear was to lose another to some unforseen danger. I get how she felt now because the thought that I could have lost my only remaining brother yesterday makes me go weak at the knees.  
_

 _It's hard not think about the 'what ifs', but I need to force those thoughts out of my head. Danny's going to be fine, he'll be a little banged up for a while and he can't talk with all of the bruising to his throat (which might not be a bad thing), but he's okay. I need to focus on that and send up yet another prayer of thanks that he's safe._

 _Yet that horrible thought keeps sneaking back into my head...I don't know what I would do if I lost another brother._

* * *

Jamie followed his nephews out through the double doors of St. Angeles Catholic Church with a few other parishioners eager to head home after mass while the rest of the Reagan clan hung back inside. The boys sprinted into the flowering courtyard next to the old church to release some of their pent-up energy after sitting perfectly still during the hour-long mass. It wasn't often that Jamie joined the family at church, he didn't grow up practicing any religion and since being reunited with his family, he often questioned any God that would allow what had happened to them. If he had been raised to have faith in God to begin with, it certainly would have been shaken. But on the occasions he had attended mass with the family, he had begun to see its appeal, finding that the readings, homilies and silent contemplation often offered him a sense of thanksgiving, peace and consolation after his struggles.

That didn't mean that he was completely sold on the whole church thing either, but he couldn't deny his father and grandfather when they requested his attendance on special occasions like today - Mother's Day. This was the first Mother's Day he could recall ever wanting to observe even if his own mother was now gone. The family still celebrated Mary Reagan together with Erin and Linda on this day and he was looking forward to learning more about all three women.

Jamie stopped along the paved walkway, amused when Jack and Sean began to wrestle around on the soft, green grass. Seeing those two together gave him a glimpse into what it might have been like growing up with Danny, Erin and Joe. The pair argued, fought and rough-housed, just like they were doing right now, but they were brothers first and foremost as Sean always sought Jack out before anyone else to share some exciting news, Jack always kept an eye out for his little brother feeling it was his duty to protect him and they always presented a united front when they had to go up against their most formidable opponents - their parents.

As he watched them play, Jamie wondered if he had lost too much time, had spent too many years apart from his siblings to ever develop the sort of relationship they were meant to have. He and Erin had made amends, but this thing with Danny had gotten so out of hand...what if they couldn't fix it? How were they supposed to be a family if they couldn't get past this? Jamie didn't even know what to do to begin to make it better. He worried over whether Danny even wanted to mend fences, not realizing that patching up their relationship had been plaguing his brother's mind even as he worked a very personal cold case.

That was why Jamie tensed when he felt a familiar presence stop alongside of him. Jamie forced himself to remain casual, but couldn't stop himself from clenching his hands which were conveniently hidden inside the pockets of his slacks. He didn't know how today would play out with Danny, this being the first time they'd seen each other since the disastrous family dinner, but he didn't want any conflict on Mother's Day. It wasn't what their mother would have wanted and it wasn't the way the Erin and Linda deserved to celebrate their day either.

"All right, guys, come on, get up, knock it off, you're going to ruin your good clothes!" Danny reprimanded the boys as he stopped next to his younger brother. He observed Jamie through the corner of his eye and frowned at his rigid posture. He still didn't know how to resolve things with him. An apology was due but Danny always had trouble with those, so he decided to go slow and see if he could find his way there. "It's like deja vu all over again seeing the boys like that," he commented softly but only received a subtle nod from Jamie as he continued to focus on his nephews while they gathered themselves up off the ground.

"Seems like it was just yesterday," Danny continued, "me and Joe rolling around in the grass fighting...only Jack's not handing out dead legs like it's Halloween candy." Danny smiled fondly at old memories. "Joe was a master at those."

Jamie smirked as he continued to stare ahead at the peaceful garden, remembering when he'd read Joe's own complaints about Danny dishing those out to him. "Yeah, you'll have to teach Jack about that...you're pretty good at those too," he remarked, referring back to the few he'd been a recipient of.

The boys ran past them, giving them complete privacy to talk now. Danny gave Jamie one last long look, deciding he needed to man up and make things right just as his phone began to ring. He looked at the screen and cursed his partner's timing, drawing Jamie's full attention. "Now she calls," he muttered under his breath before taking the call. "Hey, Jack...You're kidding me?...No! No, I'm on my way."

Jamie wondered what was going on when he heard the excitement in Danny's voice.

"Shoot me the address," Danny barked into the phone as he turned in the direction of his wife and boys back near the entrance of the church. "Linda, I got to go, babe!"

Linda waved goodbye without question. Already a seasoned detective's wife, she knew the job could come calling at anytime, even on a holiday. She hoped he'd make it back in time for dinner later but was well aware of the case he was working right now and, therefore, could not hold his sudden departure against him.

"Hey, what's up?" Jamie asked out of curiosity.

Danny turned back to his brother. "It's this cold case I'm working...a missing kid," he advised, catching the way those words made his brother flinch, but he was too excited to make much of it right now. "My guy, Keith Daley, called his mother. Number comes back to a house here in Brooklyn," he summarized as a thought came to him. "You up for it?" he asked. There was no better way for him to prove to Jamie that he didn't doubt that he was a good cop.

Jamie's brow furrowed at the question. "You want me to back you up?" he asked.

"Yeah...that is, unless you think you can't handle it," Danny said over his shoulder as he started toward his Jeep, wanting to make it clear that _he_ was not the one with the doubts.

Jamie's face brightened as he nodded. "Yeah, let's go," he agreed as he jogged to catch up, stunned by the offer.

* * *

After a very brief rundown on their suspect during their short ride with a quick stop at a bodega along the way, Danny pulled up outside of a small two-story house minutes from St. Angelus Church. Danny was too pumped about the lead to get into the full details of the case, not that time allowed it. And even with the little he did share, he was too wound up to notice the subtle reaction it garnered from Jamie.

"So what's the plan?" Jamie asked when Danny stepped up onto the sidewalk with their purchase in hand.

"Plan is you go 'round the side in case he runs while I make a special delivery of these lovely flowers," Danny advised before heading to the walkway of Keith Daley's house.

"Wait, Danny. What about back-up?" Jamie worried. If they were taking this suspected kidnapper down, they should probably call it in.

"I'm looking at him," Danny said as his eyes narrowed, worried that maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all. "Come on, kid, trust me on this," he pleaded with a glance back at the quiet house. If they hung out here chatting much longer, they were bound to attract some attention.

Jamie looked between the house and his brother before nodding. "Okay," he said. His gut was still telling him they should call it in, but Danny had trusted him enough to bring him as his back-up. He needed quell his immediate and automatic inclination to fall back on procedure and trust that the veteran detective knew more about these situations than he did.

"Good. Now go before anyone sees you," Danny ordered and watched Jamie make his way down the side of the house, pulling his off duty piece from his waist as he went. Danny took the steps two at a time and said a small prayer before he knocked on the front door. He listened carefully for any movement inside and heard none for several seconds, fearing that this would be yet another false lead. Danny glanced behind him, wondering if Jamie detected any activity in the back when he finally heard something - heavy footfalls grew louder as they neared the front door.

"Who is it?" a male voice asked from inside.

 _Here goes nothing,_ Danny thought before replying. "Uh, I got a delivery here," he said while quickly moving the flowers to block the peephole.

"All right, hang on," a male voice replied as several locks were undone and the door opened to reveal a white male in his late thirties. "Yeah?" the suspicious man said while angling his head to get a better look at the delivery person around the colorful bouquet of tulips.

Danny lowered the flowers as he placed his hand over the butt of his gun. "Keith Daley? I'm Detective Reagan with the NYPD. I need to ask you some questions." Danny had barely finished identifying himself before Daley threw the door shut, running toward the rear of the house - his quickest escape route. But Danny was just as fast, hurling the decoy flowers across the porch to catch the door before it could close completely in his face. "Hey! Come here!" he ordered as sprinted down the narrow hallway, losing sight of his suspect for a second before Daley was suddenly forced back into the room by his brother who had successfully thwarted his escape.

"Police! Don't move!" Jamie shouted as he corralled Daley back through the rear door and into the house with his weapon drawn.

Startled by his unexpected appearance, Daley flopped to the ground while still frantically searching for a way out when the detective suddenly hauled him to his feet. "Get up!" Danny yelled, but he barely allowed Daley to get his bearings before he flung him face-first against the nearest wall. "Spread your legs!" he ordered as he began to pat him down.

Jamie kept one eye on his brother and the suspect while he cleared the rest of the first floor. With a quick glance up the staircase to the second floor, he took a few steps back toward the family room to offer Danny support in case he needed it but remained on guard should anyone else make themselves known.

"Where the hell you going, huh?" he said as he pressed him back against the wall with one arm while checking him for weapons with the other.

The panicked man knew this day was coming. He looked from one officer to the other while still pinned to the wall, his mind scrambling for a way out, but he didn't dare do anything else with the gun currently trained on him. "You got it all wrong, okay? I never hurt him! I never laid a hand on him!" he exclaimed, trying to make a case for himself.

"You never laid a hand on him, huh? I didn't even tell you what you're under arrest for, punk!" Danny sneared. Daley knew exactly why they'd come here already which meant that Danny was that much closer to getting some answers for Ana.

"Robin...Robin told me I had to or...or she'd leave me," he rambled while trying to make eye contact with the detective.

"Yeah? Who's Robin?" Danny demanded.

"My girlfriend," Daley answered.

Danny spun Daley around trying to understand the correlation. "Your girlfriend, huh? So what the hell is your girlfriend doing telling you to kidnap and kill a little kid for?" he demanded.

Jamie paled immediately. He had just assumed the little kid was still out there somewhere like he had been. He never imagined that he could be dead...it was stupid to assume he was just out there living a whole new life like he had with Sherry, but he he couldn't fathom that he'd been murdered. Maybe he had been lucky after all.

"Kill him?" Daley repeated with a look of horror matching Jamie's.

"Yeah."

"No, no, no, you got it all wrong!" Daley proclaimed.

"Oh, really?" Danny challenged.

Daley looked him square in the eyes and kept his hands up to show he wasn't a threat. "Listen to me...yeah? She was going crazy...we both were. We just had our third miscarriage and she said that if she couldn't have a baby, that she was going to kill herself! I couldn't lose her too!"

Danny was the one going a shade grayer now as everything Daley was saying could only mean one thing, but was it the truth? "You telling me he's still alive?" he asked as his temper began to flare at Daleys dumb, silent stare and he might have even begun to redirect some unresolved anger he had toward another despicable human being guilty of the same crime as he shoved Daley in the shoulder. "Are you telling me that Patrick's still alive?! Huh?!" he demanded while grabbing Daley's face like a bowling ball, digging his fingers deep into his flesh and threw the man onto the couch while pulling his weapon back out of his holster.

"Danny!" Jamie warned, still trying to make sense of everything they were saying while hoping to reign in his brother who was clearly tempted to use his gun on the unarmed man.

"Where is he?!" Danny shouted. He was so close to completely losing all self-control and grabbed Daley by the shirt collar, shaking him as violently as he could. "Where is he?!"

"All right! All right!" Daley conceded with wide, terrified eyes. He wanted a way out, but more than anything he just wanted to get out of this alive. "He's at the park! With his mother!"

Danny glanced back at Jamie, both stunned by the revelation. Looking into his brother's eyes, the detective was suddenly struck by the irony of being in the position of bringing a lost little boy home to his mother. After a moment of silence, Daley's heavy breathing drew Danny's attention and he made one thing clear. "She ain't his mother," he stated as the sound of the front door closing shut startled them all.

Jamie lowered his weapon, moving it out of sight as a woman and child gazed worriedly back at scene. Danny did the same but was too dumbfounded to do much more than that as he stared into the same sweet, little face as the one in the photo he'd carried around for two years.

"Hello?" the woman said, prompting them for a response when all three men seemed frozen in place.

Danny's mind was a buzz with too many thoughts and emotions, but he could only assume that this must have been what his father had felt last year after discovering Jamie in the hospital. "Patrick?" he whispered, doubting his own eyes...but there he was, there was no questioning it. "Patrick."

With the officers distracted by the small boy, a desperate Daley had been inching forward off the sofa until his outstretched hand grasped the first thing within reach. Daley lunged toward Danny, slamming a small, glass vase into the side of the detective's head.

The thin, delicate vase shattered upon impact and while it did not knock the detective unconscious, it was enough to stun Danny and send him to his knees as clear shards of glass rained down his back. By the time Jamie turned around, Danny was on the ground and Daley was gripping the weapon that had tumbled out of Danny's hand. Daley leveled it at the back of the dazed detective's head, his breath coming in rapid puffs while he looked back at his girlfriend and son and then to the front door just behind them.

Jamie brought his gun back up, aiming it at Daley as he took a few steps to his left to shield the woman and boy. He glanced at his brother for a split second, thankful that he was conscious, although he was struggling to get his bearings. "Hey! Put the gun down!" he ordered.

"You put it down!" Daley spat back as he raised the gun toward the younger officer.

"Put the gun down, Keith!" Jamie repeated, his voice more even and controlled than he felt.

"No way, man! We're not going to jail and we're not losing our kid! I took care of him, we both did!" he said.

"I know, man," Jamie replied as he held one hand out to calm the man down. "I know."

Meanwhile, Danny had been down on all fours, waiting for the room to stop spinning after getting his bell rung. He ignored the burning pain in his head and slowly sat on his hunches, but it wasn't until he heard the subtle tremor in his brother's voice that Danny realized his gun was missing and the hard bump to the back of his head confirmed exactly where it was. "Jamie," he said, hoping to regain some control of the situation despite having his own gun trained on him.

"Shut up, Danny," Jamie hissed, fearing that he might exacerbate an already delicate situation. He had no way to call for back up without setting the guy off further and he had no time to think about clearing the others from the room. All he could focus on was keeping Keith Daley from shooting his only remaining brother right in front of him.

"We didn't hurt him! Robin and I, we just wanted a kid so bad. He loves us, don't you bud?" Daley asked the tearful little boy as he attempted to peer around Jamie's form.

"He has a mother," Danny growled.

"Danny, shut up," Jamie warned as he redirected his attention to their perp. "Hey, you don't have to tell me twice, Keith. I heard you...I can see it too," he said as he nodded toward the pair behind him. "But holding a gun to a police officer's head isn't helping you, man. Now if you don't drop the gun right now, this isn't going to end very well and this is the last thing you want that little boy to see, right?"

"Keith," the woman begged quietly.

Daley's face became pinched, closing his eyes when they met his girlfriend's. "I can't...I can't let you take him...we're good to him. Just let us go man, or I swear I'll -"

"No," Jamie stated firmly. "You won't. You will not do that, Keith. And I'll tell you what else you can't do, it's dig yourself into a deeper hole by doing this. I'm trying to help you, Keith. And you can't do this to Patrick."

"He's our kid, man," Keith cried.

"How many times did you have to say that to yourself before you believed it?" Jamie challenged.

Daley's face crumbled as the gun began to tremble in his hand.

"No one's been hurt here yet, Keith. Let's just end this now," Jamie begged. He was fighting to appear calm and controlled on the outside, but on the inside, his heart was ready to jump right out of his chest.

"We just wanted a kid, we wanted a family," Daley repeated, needing them to understand why they'd done what they did. "We're not bad people."

Danny bit his tongue to keep his comments to himself. Whatever Jamie was doing, it was working. He could hear Keith wavering behind him, so he forced himself to remain still.

"I get it," Jamie continued, "but to get your family you took his away. It's time to make it right."

"We didn't want to hurt anyone," Keith proclaimed as he looked over to his sobbing girlfriend again.

"I know that, Keith. But what you're doing now? You're getting ready to repeat your mistakes. Think of the things you can make right by putting the gun down." Jamie kept his focus on Daley, as if they were the only two in the room, ignoring even the pleading looks from Danny while Daley began to weep, still not sure of what to do. "Just put it down...please," he said with a glance at the gun aimed at Danny's head.

"Keith, please," Robin cried.

With one last muffled sob, the gun fell from Daley's hand. Danny was quick to recover and reholster his weapon before he forced their perp onto his knees. "On the ground, give me your hands," he ordered, peeking at his brother who remained frozen in place with his own gun still trained on Daley.

Jamie felt like he was on the verge of hyperventilating as a cold sweat washed across his whole body. His mind was reeling from what had just happened, but it wasn't that a perp had held an officer at gunpoint, it was that it was his brother facing possible death right before his eyes that had him wanting to fall to his knees.

With Daley secured, Danny stood up straight and took in a deep breath. He didn't have time to stop and dwell on what had just happened. He had a little boy to get back to his real mother. Danny headed toward Patrick but his brother's pale face made him stop to take pause. "That was close, kid," he said.

Jamie lowered his gun and took a few shakey breaths of his own. "Yeah."

"Good job, brother," Danny said while squeezing Jamie's shoulder. He'd come through for him and not with any of the tactics he'd tried forcing on him. Danny swore he'd make things right again.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

 _Another successful Reagan men camping trip is in the books. It was a great one too. The vibe is so different when it's just the four of us together, not that I don't love having the ladies and kids in the mix, I do, it's just different._

 _It's like everyone lets their hair down. Dad isn't the PC and family patriarch, he's just one of the guys looking to get a whole lot of fishing in with his dad and sons. Pop is Pop, still looking to take care of the family and make sure everyone is fed and baiting and casting their lines correctly, but the old man leaves the gruff at home. He's happiest out there._

 _And then there's Danny. I personally look forward to the camping trip every year because he's not Daniel Reagan, detective, husband and father. He's just Danny, the one I only see glimpses of throughout the year until the camping trip rolls around. D leaves all his stresses behind and let's loose. He still busts my balls, but it's all in good fun - playful like when we were kids - although I give just as good as he does. But what I look forward to the most, is the time we get to really talk to one another away from dad and gramps. Dan isn't about touchy-feely heart-to-heart talks, but that's what happens when we're alone and he doesn't feel like he's going to be judged or needs to put up a good front for the rest of us. It's when I learn what's really going on with him and vice versa. And it's when I'm reminded of how lucky I am to call him my brother._

* * *

Jamie glanced over his shoulder to the anxious little boy buckled into the backseat who had hardly uttered a word since witnessing the commotion back at house. After Danny had cuffed Daley, he'd gently pulled Patrick away from Robin, leaving Jamie behind to watch over the pair while they waited for the cavalry to arrive. Once the uniforms led the couple to the back of separate RMPs, Jamie found Danny out front, sitting next to Patrick in the back of a bus, where he was quietly speaking to the little boy as a medic looked him over. Jamie had kept his distance, afraid to spook the already frightened child if another stranger was suddenly hovering over him. But truth be told, Jamie was also still shaken by the whole experience. He was also finding the suddenly active crime scene too much for him to handle, removing himself from the bustle in favor of the relative peace and quiet of his brother's car. By the time Danny had finally sought him out, his hands were no longer trembling. The detective, however, could see that his younger brother was frazzled despite the brave face he was sporting. But Danny knew that Jamie would not want the little boy who was clutching onto his right hand to be privy to it, so he'd laid out their final plans for the day before they could head back to the family home, leaving out his intention to finally have a long and overdue talk.

Danny pulled the Jeep up along the curb, across the street from where Ana Goodwin had been nervously waiting for them to arrive. She did not believe him at first when he called to deliver the unbelievable news of Patrick's safe return. It had taken Danny several tries, even swearing on all that was holy for her to believe him...that and a photograph snapped on his phone and texted to the once-grieving mother. Danny stepped out of the car, sending Ana a gentle smile as he reached for the rear passenger door. The young woman could do nothing more than stare back, wringing her shaky hands together as her expression still conveyed her complete disbelief that her son - her baby - was coming home to her. "Come on, buddy," Danny said as he helped the six-year old boy out of the car. Patrick latched back onto the detective's hand, uncertain of what he was supposed to do next. Danny dropped down onto one knee and pointed to the redhead waiting a short distance away. "There's your mom...go see her," he encouraged him.

Jamie silently came around the front of the Jeep, captivated by the scene playing out in front of him. Ever since he'd learned the truth about who he was and what had happened all of those years ago in the park, he couldn't count the number of times he'd had a dream just like this, one where his younger self was reunited with the mother he never knew. He never woke up from those dreams with any recollection of what had led to the reunion, the clue or mistake that could have exposed Sherry's lies well before he reached adulthood. All he knew was that it was just like this - his mother, radiant and teary-eyed in the late afternoon sunshine, calling out to him in the middle of the same Brooklyn park where he'd been taken. She was always down on one knee, at eye level with him, calling his name with open arms and a smile that somehow confirmed exactly who she was to him every single time.

"Patrick, it's me," Ana said in a quivering voice.

"Mommy?" Patrick asked as snippets of old, hazy memories of this woman flashed across his mind.

Ana choked back a sob, hopeful that she hadn't been forgotten. "Do you remember me?"

"Mommy," Patrick repeated more confidently as he walked into her arms.

Danny swallowed the lump in his throat and forced his eyes away from the tearful reunion only to see that his brother was losing his own battle with his emotions. Danny recognized the look on his face - yearning. He turned back to find Ana embracing Patrick, his gut clenching for not thinking of the effect this would have on Jamie before bringing him along. Danny had been so determined to use this as an opportunity to show Jamie he had faith in him as a cop, that he didn't think...didn't think of what the case would do to his brother. Jamie had been Patrick Goodwin once, but he didn't come home to find their mother waiting for him. And while he had the rest of the family to welcome him back , he lost his chance for this, to meet woman who had suffered the most after his disappearance. There were no words that Danny could offer to make that better. All he could do was fix the things he had a hand in breaking.

Jamie sniffed as he settled back against Danny's car. "You want to know why I really became a cop?" he asked in a gravelly voice. "It was to see things like that. You don't get a feeling like that hiding behind some desk pushing papers."

"Yeah," Danny nodded as he leaned up against the car, his shoulder brushing up against Jamie's. It was why they all became cops and Jamie wasn't any different than the rest of them despite his previous misconceptions. Jamie just had the potential be to more.

"Seeing her," Jamie said with a nod to the mother embracing her child, "gives me a whole different perspective on my own situation. Helps me understand how you all might have felt."

"Not might…did. And we couldn't be happier to have you back, just like Ana," Danny stressed. "Look, I was out of line by telling you how to do your job. You dealt with a lot of crap growing up, stuff that I don't know if the rest of us could have handled and still come out of it with our heads screwed on straight. It gives you a whole different approach to the job. You've already come a long way, Jamie, and I got no right to try and change who you are. I've never been more sure of that than today. You saved my life back there and it was because you used your head. I'm proud of you, little brother, and I'm sorry I let you think otherwise."

Jamie was really overcome with emotion now...between the Goodwins and those heartfelt words from his brother, he had to wipe at his eyes before the tears came free. "We were both out of line," he sniffed.

"Maybe," Danny said as he watched a social worker guide Ana and Patrick inside her home.

"There's a lot I can learn from you, Danny...stuff I want to learn from you. After we first met, before I knew we were related, I looked up to you, but the brother thing just messed everything up somehow...for both of us." Jamie looked out at the empty street and even though Danny said nothing, he sensed that his older brother was weighing his words carefully and not dismissing him like before. "I guess I got stubborn too and shut down. I'm used to figuring things out on my own...not sure how to handle being someone's brother."

"You were doing just fine by telling me to go to hell," Danny smirked as he elbowed Jamie in the ribs lightly. The brothers traded a smile, when Danny was reminded of someone else who should be here with them. "You and Joe, you're so much alike. The two of you would have been so close...I'm sure of that," he commented, smiling sadly when Jamie looked back at him. "I miss him every day."

Jamie nodded at the pain he wore so openly. "I know you do…he loved you, Danny," he said, sharing what came through from Joe's writings. Danny drove Joe crazy sometimes, but he always made one thing clear - Danny would always be his brother and Joe wouldn't have known what to do without him in his life.

At Danny's look of bewilderment, Jamie decided to tell him about the journals. "Remember when I told you that Angie came to see me?"

"Yeah."

"She also brought me some journals he kept."

Danny gasped. "You have them?...And you read them?"

"Yeah," Jamie sighed. "I felt weird about it at first. They were his private thoughts, but they're my only chance to really know him."

Danny still couldn't believe it, but Jamie was right. He and the family could only repeat so many stories about Joe, but it wasn't the same as knowing him. "I bet...hearing stories second hand won't come close to helping you know who Joe really was. I always wondered what happened to those things. I knew he kept them...I searched for them after..."

Nothing was said for a few moments as both wondered where this left them. Jamie was the first to break the silence. "He wrote about all of you, even wrote some stuff to me," he said. "One thing's for sure, I've missed out on so much...too much and I'm scared that we'll never be what we're supposed to be. You and I, I want us to be more than just brothers, I just don't know how we do that," Jamie feared.

Danny pushed himself off the side of the Jeep and faced his younger brother. He was ready to do whatever needed to be done to put things between them right where they needed to be. "Maybe that's something we could work on, huh?" he suggested.

One corner of Jamie's mouth curled into a small, hopeful smile, willing to put in the effort as well. "I'm up for that."

"Good," Danny nodded, looking between the Goodwin's building and his wristwatch. His work here was done. "Better get home for dinner."


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

 _It's our first Mother's Day without you, mom. I wish I could feel comforted knowing that you were with us today in spirit, but I'll just admit it now….it's not the same, not today when you're not at dinner to recite one of the lines of A Mother's Day Prayer. But it's hard not feeling like there's a big gaping hole in all of our hearts when you're not in the seat to dad's right. Nothing's ever going to be the same again and that really kinda hit me today. And we have no choice but to adjust._

 _How effing unfair is that, huh? First Jamie vanishes, then grandma leaves us and now you too? Why? How the hell does any of that make sense? IT DOESN'T!_

 _But what choice do I have other than to keep believing that it's all some sort of bigger plan by God. Well, let me tell you, I'll be waiting for the day God finally reveals His grand plan and it better be a damn good one._ _So for know, all I can do is pray, carry you in my heart and thoughts and ask you to keep the rest of us safe, especially Jamie. I know he's still out there, and I know you always did too, I always will until it's proven otherwise and maybe that's part of God's plan. Maybe J needed you more and some day you'll be able to send him home to us._

* * *

Every member of the Reagan family was hard at work, all but for the two mothers in the family who were pleased as punch to have the men and kids treating them like queens today. Even Jamie and Danny were doing their part since they arrived back home, all the while filling the rest of the family in on their activities after leaving them at St. Angelus Church.

Eric watched as Jamie filled her glass with the cabernet their grandfather had paired with today's meal. "Nice pour," she said when he was done, grinning at the shy smile he gave her in return. Erin knew today might be difficult for Jamie, celebrating this holiday for the first time with them. It would be for all of them as they all imagined their mother's joy at having her baby back to celebrate this day with her. It would be much like Ana Goodwin's as she enjoyed her first day with Patrick.

Linda was also was thinking of the Goodwins, knowing that there was no greater joy than to be reunited with a lost child, having witnessed the very same miracle with Jamie. "That was an incredible thing you guys did today. I'm really proud of you," she said as Jamie filled her glass with wine and Danny returned to the dining room with Jack, Sean and Henry. But what had them saying prayers of thanks above all else was the fact that Danny and Jamie had seemingly begun to work out their differences, a true Mother's Day gift for them all.

"Yeah, returning a child to his mother on Mother's Day, that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard," Nicky gushed as she placed a few spears of roasted asparagus on her mother's plate.

Danny sent Jamie a knowing look, the both of them having agreed before returning home that they would spare the family of some of the details of the rescue – the fact that Danny had taken a hit to the noggin and had been held at gunpoint by one desperate kidnapper. Their father would find out eventually as incidents like that promptly made their way back to 1PP, so both men agreed to share those details with their father privately after dinner instead of having him read about it at the office tomorrow.

"I know," Erin smirked as she laid her napkin across her lap and waited for her grandfather to serve the salad. "I almost feel bad that you're waiting on us hand and foot," she snickered.

"Yeah," Danny snorted, knowing his sister was taking way too much pleasure in this, but hell, she deserved it and so did his beautiful wife.

"Yeah," Erin grinned.

"Almost," Linda said before taking a nice long sip of her wine. "More meat, please," she requested.

Danny couldn't fault them for indulging and leaned over to kiss his wife. "More meat for your mom, buddy," he instructed Jack who had been tasked with serving the main dish.

"I've been waiting on Mom all day," Jack grumbled while he did as he was told.

"Hey, we did it for our mother, now it's your turn," Danny said.

"It's no fair. Why isn't there a Kid's Day?" Sean complained from the other end of the table, having completed his assigned duties.

Jamie looked on amused, wondering if the same words were spoken his brothers or sister decades ago when they'd catered to their mother.

Erin pinned her youngest nephew with an incredulous look. "Are you kidding me? It's Kid's Day every day!"

Frank chose that moment to make his grand entrance with his contribution to dinner. "And last, but not least, the world-famous Frank Reagan Mother's Day Mash," he announced proudly as he carried the steaming dish of his indulgent, secret-recipe potatoes, heading to his end of the table to serve Erin and Linda.

"Can I serve it?" Sean asked.

"Only Grandpa serves those," Nicky advised as she took her usual seat between her mother and her Uncle Jamie.

"That is exactly correct, Nicky. And I don't want anyone thinking I'm not carrying my weight on this day," Frank joked as he moved on to fill Linda's plate. "I even made them a little lumpy, just the way your grandmother liked it."

Henry looked from his sad, empty plate to the full ones in front of Erin and Linda and decided it was time to get this show on the road. "Well, we ready to eat?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Yes, please."

"Sure."

"Sean, you're the youngest," Frank said, prompting his youngest grandchild to begin reciting _A Mother's Day Prayer_ in lieu of the traditional grace, a family tradition that Frank's grandfather had started as a way to honor his wife and daughter and to teach his grandson the gratitude they owed the women of the family who were the glue that held them together. Frank glanced over at Jamie, having shared the tradition with him ahead of time. He always tried to prepare him for these types of things, hoping that he would feel comfortable enough to participate instead of feeling like an outsider always playing catch-up with the rest of them, but he never pressured him to take part unless he wanted to.

"We thank you, God, for our mothers," Sean began.

And was followed by Erin. "I thank you that she gave me life and nurtured me all of those years."

"She gave me faith, helped me to know you and to know Jesus and his ways," Jack continued.

"She taught me how to love," Danny said.

"And how to sacrifice for others," Henry added.

"She taught me it was okay to cry and to always tell the truth," Nicky said while meeting her mother's smiling eyes.

"Bless her with the graces she needs and to which you want to give her today," Frank said, ready to recite the next line of the prayer when someone else cut in unexpectedly, bringing a smile to the face of everyone at the table.

"Help her to feel precious in your eyes today and to know that I love her," Jamie prayed over his folded hands. He kept his head lowered afterwards, knowing he had surprised them all by taking the time to look up the prayer and recite a line, but he was a part of this family now and that meant making their traditions his own. Jamie meant every word that he recited, he wasn't saying those words to just say the words. He prayed that his mother knew how much he did love her, even when he never had a chance to tell her himself.

Frank cleared his throat, not only to rid himself of the lump that had suddenly formed, but to signal everyone to join him for the end of the prayer.

"Give her strength and courage, compassion and peace," they prayed in unison. "Bless her this day with your love. Amen."

"That was…nice," Erin croaked, keeping her eyes on her plate to avoid the tears she could feel coming on should she glance in Jamie's direction, which was for the best.

Henry also wanted to keep the waterworks at bay and moved things along to a more pressing matter. "I'm starved. Pass the potatoes."

"You heard the man, send these spuds his way," Danny snorted as he sent the requested dish down his side of the table, which began the quiet buzz of plates being filled as Linda and Erin dove right into their meals.

As everyone else began eat, Jamie thought about his upcoming summer schedule of classes. And considering that things between him and Danny were on the mend, he might as well let everyone in on his big secret, realizing that having kept it from them might have heightened his issues with them. Although doing so still made him a little nervous. "So, uh, I guess I kind of have some news to announce," he said while casually poking at his food.

All eyes turned to him, but there were a select few who picked up on his apprehension, his sister in particular. "What's wrong?" Erin asked right away, fearing that the day had gone too smoothly for something not to pop up and ruin it.

"Nothing's wrong," Jamie frowned, wondering how announcing that he had, well, an announcement meant that something was wrong. "There's just been something I've been doing the last several months that I really haven't talked about….well, except to dad," he explained with a glance toward his father, when he was suddenly reminded that that wasn't completely true. "And Linda," he added.

"Linda?" Danny said as he turned to his wife, confused as to what Jamie was referring to until the light bulb suddenly went on over his head. "Oh! He told you about the girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend?" Linda parroted.

Now all eyes really were on Jamie.

"What girlfriend?" Erin demanded to know.

"Uncle Jamie has a girlfriend?" Jack asked.

"Oh, jeez," Jamie sighed as he sat back in his chair. In the short time he'd been a member of this family, he'd learned that things like this tended to snowball quickly, and today was no different. "No," he attempted to clarify when a hurt Erin interrupted him.

"How could you not tell me, Jamie? And Dad? Linda...you too ?" Erin accused.

Frank didn't know what to say. He didn't know much about Jamie's relationship with the lady attorney. He thought Jamie was about to announce his studies at John Jay.

"Don't look at me! I didn't know about any girlfriend!" Linda claimed before addressing her husband, upset that he had clearly known and had not told her. "You knew, Daniel?"

"I don't have a girlfriend," Jamie stated, not that anyone was really listening to him.

Danny began to sweat under his wife's heated glare and turned to his brother once more to question him. "Then who's the girl you were talking about that night we watched the Mets over here?"

"Dana?" Jamie said, that being the only woman he had very mentioned to anyone else.

"Yes, Dana…that's the one. The attorney, right?" Henry chimed in as he buttered a roll, not letting this topic get in the way of his eating.

The word attorney had Erin's disposition changing instantaneously from wounded to curious over this professional mystery woman who potentially stolen her little brother's heart. "You're dating an attorney? That's great! What does she practice?"

"No, no, she's just a friend and she's a corporate lawyer, not that that matters," Jamie corrected quickly.

"A friend, huh?" Henry said as he chewed away. "What is it you kids call it these days when they're more than a friend but not officially a girlfriend?" he asked, forgetting the term he'd heard used once in some silly movie.

"Friend with benefits," Nicky answered, shifting all of the attention to her.

Jamie dropped his head into his hands when he saw where this conversation was now headed….like a runaway train. "Oh my god."

"And just how do you know what that means, young lady?" Erin questioned with a raised brow.

"Come on, mom, really?" Nicky snorted. "I'm not a little kid anymore."

"I'm a little kid. What's the 'benefits' part mean?" Sean inquired.

"Danny," a concerned Linda warned with an elbow to his side, hoping he'd find some sort of definition far from the truth suitable for both her young sons.

Frank could see his oldest was stumped, so he jumped in to appease his grandson's curiosity. "It means they're a good friend you can count on when you need them."

"That's one way of putting it," Erin muttered under her breath.

But that wasn't enough for Sean. "Need them for what?"

"I'll tell you later, buddy. For now, just eat your dinner," Danny said, trying to shut down the conversation at the table. He wasn't looking forward to that talk and hoped his son would just forget about it in the end.

"Must be about a girl," Jack reasoned.

"Oh, Lord," Linda sighed.

Jamie had enough and steered them back on course before they were discussing the birds and the bees at the dinner table. "Alright! It has nothing to do with Dana! She's just a friend. I went back to school, alright! I went back to school for a master's degree and I was taking classes during the spring. I just registered for summer classes and I didn't want to lie anymore about why I've been so busy," he explained , panting after having nearly gotten all of that out in one breath, but at least it seemed to shut everyone up...for a moment at least.

"Wait, you knew?" Erin directed at their father once everything sank in.

Frank nodded. "Your brother told me a few weeks back. I was just as surprised as the rest of you but I couldn't be prouder," he smiled. "I'm all for everyone furthering their education."

"When did you tell Linda?" Danny demanded before putting his wife in the hot seat. "And why didn't you say anything to me?"

"Jamie let it slip one night when he came by the house a few months back," Linda revealed.

"Months?" Frank asked, trying not to feel put off by the fact he'd only found out about it a few weeks ago.

"It slipped. I didn't want anyone to know," Jamie replied.

"And he swore me to secrecy, but I also think it's fantastic and I told him as much," Linda added.

"I do too," Erin agreed. "So what are you studying?"

"Forensic Health Counseling," Jamie advised.

"Forensic health - " Danny began to sneer, having forgotten his and Jamie's little kumbaya session earlier in the day. But a swift kick to his shin reminded him of it quickly. "OW!" he exclaimed, leaning over to rub his leg as the four pairs of eyes warned him to be on his best behavior. "I mean, uh, that's great kid," he told Jamie with a pained smile.

"Does that mean you're not gonna be a cop anymore?" Jack wondered.

"No, I'm not planning on going anywhere, bud," Jamie assured him.

"How'd you choose that subject, Uncle Jamie?" Nicky questioned.

Jamie looked around the table, afraid that his reasoning might sound lame, but he went with the truth and gave them the main one. "I don't know...I just think it's important to know more about how people tick, especially with our job."

"That's a good reason, Jamie. It's the way you gotta police the world in the twenty-first century," Henry commented.

Frank's brow furrowed, finding it hard to believe it was his father making that observation. "Seriously, Pop?"

"That's very progressive of you, grandpa," Erin smirked.

"I think so," Henry said as he looked to his youngest grandson. "I learned a lot riding around with Jamie and his partner. Things are much more different out there than when I was a flat-foot."

"Ain't that the truth," Frank agreed, knowing that the world had changed by leaps and bounds since even he was a patrol cop. "Well, it's too bad school will keep you busy during the week, but we still have our weekly dinners."

"There's no excuse for missing those, unless duty calls," Henry stressed. There were very few exceptions to that rule and even then, they made an attempt to accommodate everyone so that they always spent at least one meal together each and every week.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Jamie said as the others nodded in agreement, smiling as he looked around the table at his family. Even with all of the bumps they'd hit while trying to transition into this new life, Jamie knew he couldn't afford to miss out on any more time with them – he'd already missed enough. And all of those troubles paled in comparison to the things he'd experienced growing up. But now he had an amazing family to support him and it was up to Jamie to break old habits and learn to lean on them when needed. Jamie was thankful to be a part of this family, even if it took some getting used to.

* * *

Long after the meal was savored and dessert was thoroughly enjoyed over conversation of work and upcoming plans for the summer, when everyone but Erin and Linda were done with clean-up, Danny and Erin had headed home intent on spending the end of this Mother's Day at home with their little families. Soon after that, Henry had headed up stairs leaving Frank and Jamie to relish in a tranquility rarely experienced on Sundays amid the bustle of family dinners. Frank took a sip of the single malt the pair had been nursing in the comfortable silience under the glow of the soft yellow light illuminating the kitchen table. "So, how are you doing with everything?" he asked Jamie. Now that his secret was out and he and Danny appeared to have mended some fences, he hoped Jamie could find balance in his life.

"I'm okay," Jamie shrugged casually as he brought his glass to his lips. He and Danny had revealed the day's more harrowing events with thier father before the others had left and while Frank had been disturbed to learn that his oldest had been held at gunpoint, Danny's new found respect for his brother's handling of the gunman had pleased Frank to no end.

Frank nodded as he looked down into his tumbler. It wasn't always easy to shake off incidents like today's, but Jamie seemed to be managing well based off the boys' reports earlier, yet it was hard not to worry as a father. "You and Danny seemed to have turned a corner," he commented on the other welcomed discovery of the day.

"Yeah, we're working on it," Jamie answered. Their relationship wouldn't be perfect overnight, but both he and Danny were determined to put in the effort to make things better. They had no other choice, they were each other's only remaining brother. Danny knew how special the relationship was after losing Joe and Jamie craved the bond Joe and Danny had shared. It might not have been perfect and Joe might have complained sometimes, but he never failed to stress the importance of family, despite any struggles.

"I'm glad. I'm also glad that you let everyone in on your schooling," Frank smiled.

"So am I. I don't like keeping secrets, never have. I have to remind myself that there's no reason to keep them anymore," Jamie said. It was easier said than done, but it was something he was determined to work on himself.

" _You will either step forward in to growth or step backward into safety_ ," Frank quoted.

Jamie pursed his lips to contain his smile. It still amused him how his father could so easily recite some obscure line to befit any situation. "Okay," he smirked at the familiar Maslow quote.

Frank's eyes twinkled at the amusement evident on Jamie's face, but that line applied to more than just his son. "Just don't forget we all got things we need to work on, especially me," Frank stated.

"Yeah?" Jamie replied doubtfully. His father had fast become a role model and hero in his eyes. He was the ultimate father-figure - compassionate, affectionate, loving, patient and understanding. And professionally, he went above and beyond every standard by which you'd measure a man in his position. "What do you have to work on?" he questioned.

Frank sighed as he sat back in his chair, preparing to confess his most recent failure, one he'd been to afraid to address. "I try so hard to make sure I'm not playing favorites with my kids on the job that in the end, I end up treating them more unfairly than the rest of the men and women in my department," he said.

"I'm not following," Jamie frowned.

"Raymond Lopez," Frank stated with a nod of his head, mentally berating himself again for not doing the right thing from the onset.

"What about him?" Jamie asked, knowing full-well who that was but more confused than ever as to what his father was talking about.

Frank's lips formed a tight line, almost fully hidden by his full mustache as he looked Jamie in the eyes. "Garrett reminded me over and over," he began, pausing to shake his head and wishing he'd listened to his DCPI, "'and over, that if it had been any other officer who had saved that little boy, we wouldn't have hesitated to schedule a photo op and pin a medal on his chest."

Jamie's expression softened as understanding dawned on him. He was aware that certain customs and ceremonies existed when officers were deemed worthy of recognition for deeds that far exceeded thier duties, especially when the deed cast certain favorable light on the department among the negative atmosphere that surrounded law enforcement nationwide. He understood the need, but he had been grateful to not have been paraded around like a show horse after news broke of his rescue of little Raymond with that dramatic shot of him carrying the baby out of the burning building. "I don't need that," he proclaimed.

Frank smiled softly. He beleived Jamie and everything he had learned about his youngest son so far told him that nothing he did was done with the intent to receive recognition after the fact, but the same was true of most officers who were still rewarded for thier good work. Sometimes acknowledgement of such acts was just necessary. "I know you don't, but it doesn't mean it's not deserved. And I know you wouldn't have wanted to be paraded around in front of the media, but I might have used that to my advantage," Frank admitted, receiving a frown from Jamie. "I was afraid of how it would look to pin a medal on you so soon after everything came out. I was afraid to add to the talk and whispers that still takes place behind your back. I didn't want anyone to think I was making up for lost time. I felt like I had to be a lot more careful with you," Frank explained.

"It's fine dad, I told you I don't need it," Jamie assured him. He could see that his father was holding on to some sort of guilt which was unwarranted.

"Maybe not, son, I just don't want you - any of you - to ever question how proud I am of you," Frank said.

"I don't," Jamie reassured him. Frank Reagan was proud of each of his kids and made that clear to them in his own way, without the need of a medal or a silly ceremony. "And I won't forget that," he promised, revealing his own ability to recite a quote they could both take to heart. " _There is no greater joy nor greater reward than to make a fundamental difference in someone's life_."

Frank beamed, relieved that there were no hard feelings on Jamie's part while also touched at the reference, but he still wished he would have handled matters differently. "There is no greater reward in life than saving a life," he added. "That's something you'll never forget."

"Yeah, it is," Jamie agreed as the kitchen went quiet again. After several minutes, Frank downed the last of his scotch. "Well, I don't even want to think about my day tomorrow. I'm going to bed and you've got an early tour," he said as stood up and plucked Jamie's jacket from the chair next to him. Frank held it out across the table. "Good night, son."

Jamie accepted the garment and threaded his arms through the sleeves as his father walked past him with one last squeeze to his shoulder. "Good night, Dad." Jamie made his way around the kitchen table toward the back door as his father's footsteps sounded from the staircase. He dipped his left hand into his coat pocket in search of his keys when it unexpectedly came into contact with an unfamiliar object, frowning as his hand came out with a small box instead. His expression transformed into one of shock when it's contents were revealed. Sitting inside was a gleaming, new Meritorious Police Duty medal with a silver star in the middle - an Honorable Mention bar awarded for an act of extraordinary bravery intelligently performed in the line of duty at imminent and personal danger to life. Jamie looked back toward the darkened living room as the sound of a closing door echoed from above. He looked back down, mesmorized by the yellow, green and blue medal. He meant it before - he didn't expect or need a medal, but to have his father personally bestow it on him like this meant so much more than a flashy public ceremony. And maybe he did sometimes need a reminder of how proud his father was of him.

Jamie snapped the box shut and left the family home, a soft smile permanently etched onto his face during the whole ride home.

 _THE END_

* * *

 _That's it folks! All done with this one and not so sure I have it in me to continue this series, but never, say never. For those who have been asking, I do have a draft of the next Baby Steps chapter done, but it needs a little bit of tweeking. Hope to have that up in the next week or so._

 _Happy Thanksgiving!_


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